or my links page in a few days. My mansion has been a wreck and Rosa has been with her famila in Honduras for a few weeks, and then shes flying back for Christmas, and it’s been so cold, so I’m just been going to bed super early cuz I cannot stand my filthy house and these cold nights. But the good news is I feel so rested. The bad news is, my site suffers. Sorry kids.

Still people feel the need to call me on the phone at all hours including Gwen who said that she read my Blog and was pissed that I didn’t mention her or her backup singers or dancers at the Billboard Awards, all of which was a big thing for she and her band to parade out there.

I told her I liked all the lesbianic mayhem that she and Pink brought to the stage and asked her if it was a new thing in pop music.

She said, “gotta compete with Britney somehow.”

Amen to that sister. Then I told her that Tony looked gay playing that stupid bass keyboard with his real bass pointing straight up like some phallic necklace. So she hung up on me. Which would have been so great, but she called back.

Problem with all that is I just scored this super– SUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER cool voice anounce Caller ID system that calls out the number of the person who is calling you as the phone rings. Which is a perfect for when you’re sitting on the can and the phone rings or reading in the study with your pipe and you dont wanna get up to see who it is.

But it’s not so great when you’re trying to sleep cuz not only is the phone ringing like crazy but then you have Gwen’s pre-recorded voice saying, “Hey Baby it’s Me!”

Sorta drives you a little nuts.

Magnavox came up with this technology when I was working there back in the day and they refused to give it to anyone else and they refused to make many themselves cuz it was costing like $75 at Target ten years ago when Caller-ID was still so brand new. The company gave me one, which was so great, but I knew my mom would really love it so I gave it to her a few years back and even though I love my mom I was hating the fact that I gave it away, and I always thought it was gonna be easy to replace, but it wasnt. Anyhow, God Bless eBay.

Gwen called back and finally left a message, poutingly she said, “you could at least write about my little tie.”

Gwen wore a little tie.

in Vegas this New Years Eve. Pre-sale tickets just went on sale a few minutes ago for a measly $300 a pop. If you dont think that I would have snapped them up if I had the cash, you’re crazy.

I know Slash isnt there, or Duff or Izzy, and I saw Guns open for the Stones in ’88 and they sucked, but how do you pass up Axl at 2am in Vegas on New Years?

I’m such a fool when it comes to concerts, it’s like a drug, I swear.

People talk shit about drugs and I’ve always said that theres way worse things for your emotional and physical well-being than drugs, things like Love. Love will fuck you up, you’ll blow tons of cash over a girl, you’ll get a freaky, you’ll say shit you wouldnt, you’ll lie, some people even kill – and it’s all for that high.

Right now on Springer I’m looking at two fat women in wedding dresses fighting over a fat man in a tuxedo cuz they both wanna marry him. Now they’re throwing wedding cake at each other. And I’m sure not all of it’s true, but I bet they both do want to marry that big ole dude and they’re willing to make themselves look like fools on tv for it. In all my days seeing druggies on the streets of Frisco or LA or IV, I have never seen wastoids dress up and throw shit at each other, other than the Battle of the Bands in IV but that doesnt count. Those bands deserved to get shit thrown at them. Especially the Long Haired Leaping Gnomes.

But last weekend when I was renting a car I realized that Driving will make you pretty damn psycho as well. Normally I love mankind and only wish them well, but I was tooting my horn, flipping people off, getting all panicky inside, being pissed off about time, hating the radio – there was very little love going on – and I realized that driving can turn me into what you see when you see people in the wee hours fiending on coke: its ugly.

I couldnt stop fidgiting, I had mood-swings where I’d be singing one minute and shouting the next. I got thirsty then hungry then I had to pee.

These things dont happen when you walk to places, or ride your bike. I wish Congress or the Supreme Court would think about these things when they outlaw weed, but will give any buck-toothed kid a driver’s or a wedding license.

++++++

Got lots more emails from people yesterday and today about the emails of the day before. All I have to say is, thanks for the support. Maybe next week I’ll start a mailbag section. When I was a boy, The 19th Hole was one of my favorite parts of Sports Illustrated, and the letters in Hustler basically taught me the facts of life, which might explain a lot.

But don’t worry, I wont change cuz of a few emails.

I hope you all have a nice weekend. Karisa recommends Amelie, which sounds nice. But I still haven’t seen Monsters Inc. and I’m about as Joe Sixpack as you can get.

By the way, Bud Selig: you’re a dirty liar and you will burn in the deepest parts of Hell for lying about baseball, for not helping minorities make it into the Front Offices in MLB, and for not putting Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame. You know you’re fucking up when you making Jesse Ventura look even cooler.

The love of money is, indeed, the root of all evil. Someone famous said that, I think.

home