i really cant believe

ive read 21 of these, but i guess thats what you get being an English major for 7 years in two of the finest public institutions in california.

but my question you list-making fools is where’s Bukowski? you should have Post Office, Notes of a Dirty Old Man, and Women on that list of yours and from now on i will completely ignore any list like this that does not include my man.

Dawn has a poll where they decide who’s the sexiest male blogger. about a year ago ashley asked me for a sexy picture of myself and i took this one and she said you can be sexy and smile and i said, maybe you can but i think i look more pissed off than sexy.

moving on…

the bones in washington dc are those of missing intern Chandra Levy.

jenna bush writes me emails almost every day, i dont respond or print them because i pretty much hate young republicans, especially drunk ones.

time is running out to see the anna kournikova gallery photo essay exploitation thingie that close to 20,000 of you have come to this URL to get a look at. any of you who are not regular readers to this page, who came here after a search result led you here, if you have $2, i’d appreciate it if you ponied up. unlike butterflies, bandwidth isnt free and im giving you way more on those 35 pages than penthouse gave you in their mag and im not asking even close to the $9 that the Guch got off most of us. and all the money goes to charity: the fellow behind the drapes who hosts these zeroes and ones.

alien ant farm got in a bus accident that killed the driver and injured the band in Spain.

and sara is mad at me ’cause i repeated a Whalenism that may have struck a nerve since even this enlightened group cannot count on two hands great women writers who arent or werent crazy. file this in the I Like To Be Wrong, So Prove Me Wrong department, friends.

goddamned you half japanese girls

you do it to me every time.

ex bestfriend amy jo goddard emailed me last night and totally caught me by surprise.

this is a girl who wouldnt return letters or phone calls or respond to mixed tapes or even put-downs. a triple scorpio with a scorpio rising, my old pal had written me off and i was pretty sure that id never hear or see her again, except for those rare instances where you pass each other at the denver airport while changing planes and you go, “hey, hi.” and she goes, “oh yeah, hi.” and neither of you can leave the cinnabun line cuz that would just be too obvious.

i didnt have a chance to write her back last night because i was trying to make the beach house look presentable for a handful of guests that arrived last night from abroad. so aj if youre reading this, your email was a pleasant shock. i thought you hated me. i thought that i had embarrassed you in front of your militant feminist friends who took it all wrong when i said, “you like girls, i like girls, lez be friends.”

even thought some kids love the bad jokes, it only really works when you have a few good jokes to follow up, and just like today i didnt have caca.

anyway, aj, theres always a place in my heart for you.

i have always liked tomboys and aj was — and is — a tough girl who doesnt take shit from anyone. she skateboarded, she sewed, she could drag her teeth down the side of your neck smelling of perfume fluctuating between a sultry deeper voice and a very feminine upper register.

we were dynamite on the radio giving the kids all the newest gangsta rap and grunge as the year was 1989 and the greek god of funk had delivered to us milk crate after milk crate of the hard rocking metal riffs and hip hop beats that a girl from texas and a boy from the midwest had been waiting forever to hear, and play.

thanks for not hating me for eternity, aj.

very cool of you to write.

i can not get a girl to sleep with me.

no, not hump sleep, sleep sleep.

all these independent women, all these empowered females… they all feel confident giving up the sweet stuff, but they draw the line when it comes to spending the night.

never in my 108 years would i have ever expected as much.

now, i browse the web pages on the internet and maybe some of the other fellas dont care one way or the other, but i just might be one of the few bachelors who enjoy the company of a nice young lady to snooze with. sure the lovin is nice, but

you know what. this topic depresses me.

let’s pretend im a regular blogger.

mike piazza swears he likes girls.

there might be a Miami Vice movie.

marc brown has pictures of gary coleman.

sara reviews the talents of the street people on her way to the subway and has a crazy dream.

and some elevator fun.

ok, with that said im going to cross my fingers and pray that the new phenom for the Cubs will have a nice major league debut today. Good luck, Mark Prior, welcome to the show.