tony, are you ok?

yeah, anna, hi.

seriously, is everything cool?

everythings great, now that you’re here.

im sorry ive been blowing you off lately, baby. Wimbledon was a bitch.

yeah but you did good. you made it to the quarter finals in doubles and mixed doubles.

yeah, but i lost in both.

come on now, comrade, you know what aerosmith says, “life’s a journey, not a destination.”

aerosmith says that?

they sure do.

and you still love me?

more than ever, thanks for the pictures you emailed me too.

i didnt want you to forget me. especially since youre always surrounded by beatiful girls.

beauty comes from within, hot chick.

then maybe i should have sent you my x-rays.

oh. hahahahahah

ah hahahahahahahaha

hey anna, what was serena saying after she and venus beat you and chandra?

oh, she was talking shit about how she could do you better than i could.



well, maybe she could.

well, maybe she will never get that chance.

lifes a cabaret, old chum

and i love a cabaret.

thanks for calling me, anna.

any time, tony.

hi, tony,

just leave me alone, beyonce.

why the long face?

do you understand the meaning of the words “leave me alone”?

monday blues?


do you want me to sing “Bootylicious” for you?

hell no!

come on, it always cheers you up.

what? im never depressed.

hmmm, thats true.

come on, you can be michelle and missy and i’ll be me and kelly.

i want to be kelly!

oh, tony, i dont think you’re ready for that jelly.

ok, go fly away somewhere and die, will you, please?

those are words not suited to be directed towards a diva, honey.

you’re not a diva, you’re an irritating black girl with dyed extensions. vamoose!

well i hope whatever crawled up your butt finds its way out.

for some reason i think it just wants to sit up in there and fester and make me miserable.

then whatever you do, tony, keep snapping at your friends, like me, who just want to help.

you can help me by shutting your big fat pie hole.

looks like i have to stop volunteering at the Invisible Man shelter

since i got my 100th link yesterday, but it’s all good.

i will miss busting all the jokes over there though.

“see you around, charlie.”

“hey phil, long time, no see.”

“pedro, you losing weight?”

way more invisible men walking around than you’d think. we tried to hire a bunch of them at the xbi but it never really worked out. personally i loved working with them but only because it was an endless goof-fest. sometimes i would go into a meeting room and if someone walked in i would start talking to an empty chair, “now listen, paul, you fuck, i told you to take off your hat and you fucked the whole thing up.” and the dude would apologize for interrupting the meeting and i would go back to drinking.

i’ve been drinking a lot lately.

i blame Bud Selig who is singlehandedly bringing down baseball. ok, maybe he’s using both of his hands.

i guess at some point though, i should thank all the people who wrote nice emails and linked me on their sites. last month was incredibly eye opening for me. 100 links in a month is amazing to me. especially since im not writing about the things that a lot of the people write about, and im not a hot babe, and, etc. etc. it’s very nice, i appreciate it a lot. now let’s never talk about it again.

finally this morning, i got a super long e-mail from a very distraught young lady who thinks she has ruined a great thing she has going with a guy she met at the flea market. to make a loooooooooong story short, girl meets boy, boy blows her mind, girl freaks out and sleeps with his roommate (who is his brother!), brother blows off girl, now girl wants boy back but doesn’t know what to do.

dear girl, believe it or not, i get these sorts of emails all the time. just know that we all make mistakes and nothing smoothes out boy/girl problems than a whole bunch of booze while watching a ball game. and since baseball will probably go on strike any day now, i suggest that you invite yourself over and watch the all-star game with him tomorrow.

bring a pony keg.

and if the brother says anything, deny it all.