i just lost in the first round.

no, biggie, anna, it’s just a tournament.

hi, it’s the u.s. open. it’s so not “just a tournament.”

im sure you played well.

well is not the word. i got slaughtered: 6-3, 6-0.

venus get you again? serena? martina?

shit, i wish. friggin Angelique Widjaja.

in english, baby, sound it out.

Angelique Widjaja! i am saying it right.

what is that french?

hell if i know, tony. i think shes from Indonesia or some shit.

wheres that?

far east.

like Philly?

East-er.

im sorry pumpkin. i guess that means that you’ll be flying out here tonight, right?

no, i have to stay out here to lose in doubles too.

well thats good, at least you can focus on that then, right?

are you even listening to me? i think im just going to focus on crying right now. oh, tony. why cant you be here with me? i just knew this was going to happen.

postitive thoughts, my little vodka tonic.

POSITIVE? HOW CAN I BE POSITIVE? I LOST TO A NO-NAME IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE BIGGEST U.S TOURNAMENT!

baby steps, all this year is just baby steps. by the end of this year you will be soooo much better it wont even be funny.

people are laughing at me, its already funny — for them.

i hate my internet connection.

whats wrong with it?

i dont know, it keeps telling me that this chick beat your ass.

AAAAHHHH. thats her, thats her, take it down!

that little kid beat you in NYC?

please dont rub it in.

oh, anna, now i think im going to cry with you.

i know. fuck FUCK. FFFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!. my life sucks SO bad. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

let it out, babooshka.

fuckME! fuck fuck FUCK!

what did you say?

i said Fuck!

no, i think something freudian slipped out, something that bears repeating.

AAARRRRGGGGG. i dont know, please dont be mean im gonna jump right off the next bridge i see, i swear to friggin God.

anna, baby. just chill. you had a rough time in canada, and this was a fluke. you need to stay positive. new gameplan. be aggressive, charge the net. play to kill. forget about playing to win, play to kill.

and maybe a new outfit?

think pink.

i cant stand pink.

ok, but think new outfit.

i cant even think.

i know, but stay away from bridges. just drink a lot tonight. go to the movies. and drink in the dark.

that sounds so sad, tony.

it’ll motivate you. any time you want to give up, just think of that drunken night in that dreary new york city movie theatre when you watched “The Country Bears” sippin on that 40 alone after you lost to some chick named Jumanji.

you really are a twisted genius, tony.

you really are better than you’re playing.

you think so?

no, not really.

WHAT?

but im willing to be wrong, pretty girl.

ok, im going to slit my wrists now.

over the sink. or in the bathtub. dont leave a mess.

i miss you so much, tony.

i miss you too, my lil sugarcube. country bears, southern comfort, Spectravision, then call me tonight. k?

k. bye thanks.

the carpal is getting better. it’s a slow heal. trust me when i tell you that i want it gone. im bursting with ideas and it kills me not to let them out.

unlike other bloggers who pretend to love you, i actually do. i actually want to attack you with new stories, photo essays, entries, personalities, outrages, money making schemes, tales of heartbreak, lies, hotties, and replacements lyrics.

i also want to give props to those who have linked the busblog.

so what you can do (if YACCS decides to stay up) is, if you are not linked already on the left hand side 101 links, and if you have linked me on your site, and if you would like to be linked on my upcoming new list of links, please put your url in the comments section below.

if you have linked me on the top of your list of blogs, please let me know, and/or if you have flowed to the busblog, let me know too. you can do so by simply identify yourselves with the mysterious asterick* after your url.

you will be taken care of in a slightly more special manner. ::cough:: hint ::cough::

im in a terrific mood after only three hours sleep and i dont know why. but im happy and i hope you are too.

p.s. my old hotmail address is constantly full so i have a new one, it’s xxxtonyxxx at hotmail, fyi.

xoxoxox

the mgm’t

. i took the weekend off to rest the wrists for a project im gonna work on this week and to take in the sunset junction street fest starring my rock heroes Sonic Youth (click the pictures!), then check the PayPal tally late last night, and whoa, what’s this? $50 from Ian in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, $40 from james in texas, $3.05 from mark, and $5 from paul. Thanks, fellas!

James wrote a little message along with his $40 that said, “To prove you’re mistaken about us dumb, white, old, fat Texas republicans. You know I love you…always have, always will.”

James, consider the stereotype erased.

For the rest of you, have i mentioned that Liberals are lazy, blondes are stupid, redheads are sluts, the Irish are drunkards, the homeless are smelly, college kids are slackers, mac users are geeks, Linux users are commie geeks, Floridians are fakers, the french are lazy, yankee fans are spoiled, ivy league grads are stuck up, bushmen cheat at pool, catholics are idolaters, bud selig can’t get it up unless thinking about boy scouts, and elton john is straight?

prove me wrong.

the $98 weekend windfall means that if i get over $2 before the month is over, as per my little comments conversation with kevin holtsberry, i will have to eat eel. even though everyone swears that this is a delicacy that i shouldn’t avoid, i’m not looking forward to it, but i will be happy to own up to my end of the bargain because i am overwhelmed by all of your insane generosity.

this weekend i was stalked by my birthday twin Simone, a girl who went to catholic highschool with meesh, knows everyone in los angeles, has seen tsar multiple times, and makes incredible necklaces and earrings.

she did exactly what you should do if you want to get me out of the house: phone me several times, show up in a mustang convertible on saturday morning, and invite me to a cheap mexican breakfast. she did bring along two other guys, one who had his shirt off and a cowboy hat, the other who looked like a GQ model, making me wonder if i was going to be beaten and attacked in west hollywood, but all went smooth and i had a really good time with this fascinating young woman.

yesterday she came over again and we watched the new episode of the anna nicole smith show, which is only getting better and better, america. God i love that show.

mtv is doing the right thing. they’re taking the hype of the anna show and putting reruns of Ozzy on right after anna’s half hour is over. man, i wish i knew someone at E! to convince them to put on something interesting after anna– like maybe a Classic Howard Stern episode? hell, anything to keep their viewers. seems like they go all out to get people to tune in on sunday at 10 and then they just let em go at 10:30. But what do i know. E! finally has a huge hit show. i’m happy for them. they’re my favorite station.