returned to her winning ways today in moscow, putting away Switzerland’s Marie-Gaianah Mikaelian 6-4, 6-3 as easy as knocking back a shot of vodka.

the russian beauty advanced in the Kremlin Cup to rousing applause and bouquets of flowers.

“tennis smennish,” the 21-year-old hearthrob said in her post-match press conference. “all i want to know is what the fuck is Adam Curry doing at #34 in the Truth Laid Bear’s blogosphere, when my sweet lovable tony is lost in the pack at #108!”

the sensuous athlete known for her provacative outfits was complaining about the informal rankings of web blogs put together by N.Z. Bear who lists sites by how many other sites on the list link each other. sources say it’s very complicated.

“it’s not complicated at all!” kournikova complained, dabbing a glistening rivulet of perspiration from her brow with her baby blue Adidas hand towel. “i would like to see this happen. i would like to see all the people on the blogosphere who are not linking the busblog begin linking immediately. im sure tony will return the favor.”

the tennis star reeled off a short list of sites that she said she would like very much to have links to pierce’s site. and with each name she pounded her fist on the table.

“first, i think there should be a link from Uppity Negro, obviously. and Tonecluster!

the star went on, and on and was dragged from the conference shouting. “Compete with Curry!”

hi carpal tunnel in my hands and arms.

how was your vacation?

great, how was yours?

it was cool. even dibilitating illnesses like breaks. i’m glad youre back and writing and working again, though.

i bet.

can i ask you a few questions?

shoot.

what’s up with your Hotmail address?

im not looking at the heytony@hotmail.com one any more, im only looking at the xxxtonyxxx at hotmail one.

too much spam?

i used to drink a shot of rum every time i got a penis enlargement email, my liver is forcing me to quit that game.

ah, okay. now, anna is having a hard time getting Tsar to play for your birthday. i might be able to get some Dylan tickets at the Wiltern, wanna go?

nah, i think i’d rather see Tsar.

i thought you loved Bob Dylan!

i do, but if given the choice, i’d rather see Tsar.

you’re crazy, man. Dylan at the newly renovated Wiltern? Thats gonna be a great gig.

what part of Tsar is my favorite band dont you understand?

why dont you hit up the skinny model chick for some tickets to the Stones at Staples on Halloween?

i love her blog, but i would rather see Tsar. i think she’d rather see them too.

but she’s so connected! i bet she could get you backstage. maybe even meet Mick.

yeah. that would be nice. but i would rather hang out with my friends at Spaceland, and hear the new tunes, and the old tunes of the best band in America. maybe they would wear costumes or something.

like afros?

no, like real costumes. maybe if they all wore dresses like the stones did on that one album where they all looked like ugly women.

Some Girls?

yeah.

i hate to break it to you, tone dog, but i think it’s over for Tsar. you can’t even get their cds at Amazon any more.

f amazon. people should buy cds at independent record stores, not huge online conglomerates.

whatever you say, hippie.

ok, im gonna go finish my danish and get to work now.

great, i’ll be here rooting you on.

thanks, carpal tunnel. who’s gonna win this Angels game tonight?

shit, that’s tonight?

five o’clock.

the angels own the yankees. i say they win by 4.

i’m with you.

au contraire, im with you, senior.

uh huh, yeah. whatever.