when i’m not beating everyone’s ass on the links, or hanging out with my swedish girlfriend, or lighting cigars made of $20 bills with $100 bills, i surf the web.

theres lots of web sites i like to visit. theres welch and moxie and reverse cowgirl and doc searls and my bro the vodkapundit. i like to read layne too but he seems to be on an extended drunken vacation or writing in invisible ink.

but probably my favorie “blog” is that of tony pierce.

he calls it the busblog.

he calls it that because he has been riding the bus and subways in LA to go to work for the last year and a half now and he sees how pathetic and funny it is.

at least i think he does.

anyway, right now he is in the process of putting together a book of the best posts from his first year as a blogger.

you might know tony from his well-received photo esays or his famous interviews with inanimate objects and celebrities who he hasnt really met.

none of the photo essays will be in the book, but there will be xbi stories, searing poetry, unreleased photographs, and like i said, classic posts from the past including tales of his life as a single man in los angeles and his adventures with many of the hotties therein. (like ashley).

this is your chance to catch up and get the scoop at the backstory about the daisy princess, the lust affair with anna kournikova, and all the secrets of the xbi. where else are you gonna find that?

if you order now, you will get the soon-to-be titled book for an insanely low $10 + s/h. after tuesday the book will go for a more reasonable $19 + s/h so the way i figure it now is the time to buy.

being a celebrity, i like to keep the privacies of other stars sacred. but since the blogfather of southern fried rock Glenn Reynolds has recently admitted to purchasing the book, as has entertainment weekly creator jeff jarvis, and so has prognosis co-founder and reason contributor matt welch. in fact in little under a week 40 books have been preordered including two from newly engaged aj by azarok bought two.

so what are you waiting for? join in on the fun, america.

you too, canada.

heck everyone in the world, i invite you to take part in this historic event. the first known greatest hits of blog posts in one easy-to-carry book.

you’ll be glad you did.

but most importantly tony’s mom will be glad you did.

64.247.33.250

hi, it’s me tony. again.

well, you haven’t written me or hired me or written about hiring me and i guess im not surprised. i mean how many people get jobs after asking for them through their blogs?

and you don’t know me and i don’t capitalize my letters and my favorite subject is me so i guess i wouldn’t make a very good columnist for you.

i understand.

beato was right, the best forum for tony pierce probably is tonypierce.com

so how was your friday night?

mine sucked.

i don’t know what it is, times, but me and ashley just don’t seem to be hitting it off anymore.

she picked me up at work at 5 and right away we got in a little fight.

i wont get into the details but anne was in the backseat and it reminded me of one of those quiet little steamy fights where the parents are in the front seat trying to keep their voices low and the kids are in the back trying to ignore it all while looking out the window or tracing the outlines of shadows on the seats but the mom has turned down the radio and theres nothing else to pay attention to.

it was a stupid fight and i still have a little cold and i kept telling her that i didn’t want to be upset it was friday whoo hoo and i just wanted to get some food and watch kobe versus mj and eat thai food.

where did you eat last night?

first we went over to hollywood and highland to see if charlies angels two was filming but it wasn’t on account of the rain, so we drove east down hollywood until we got to the palms thai and i ordered tom kha gai, which i like to call some young guy but ashley doesn’t like it when i “try” to be funny so she didn’t laugh. anne did, but stifled it pretty well. then we drove over to the rite aid to get some benedryl. the girls waited in the car so i also picked up some gum for them, i saw that the m&ms were on sale, and i also got a generic duraflame log for the fireplace.

when we got home they dropped me off and the girls cruised sunset to poquito mas while i ate my soup and shrimp fried lice in front of my tv, watching jordan and stackhouse take it to the shaqless lakers 100-99. pretty cool game. its so good to see mj still be able to bring it. the girls came back home and ashley said she was going to drop off anne out in west covina. that was at like ten and now its like 2:30am and she’s still not back.

why would she forsake me?

i called her at 2am and she said, “oh i thought you said you were going to fall asleep?”

i said, “that doesn’t mean you couldnta come home and woken me up, wink wink.”

and she said, “oh, i didn’t think thats what you meant.”

i said, “well i didn’t think that when you said ‘im gonna drop off annie’ meant that you were gonna stay there all night.”

do you ever have problems with young girls like this?

sometimes i just don’t know, la times. i mean really.

i like anne a lot. whats not to like? so nice. so sweet. but ashleys been here since thursday and i haven’t been able to spend any time alone with her. why would she want to spend more and more time not with me? does she just want me for my gorgeous bod and my money? she doesn’t laugh at my jokes any more. she doesn’t do it with me three times a day any more. we don’t instant message or email each other. it seems like all we do most the time is fight. yet she wont let me break up.

i do want a girlfriend. i do want someone who will drop off their good friend and want to come back to me before midnight and wake me up with soft kisses and start the fire going in the fireplace as the rain drops on the wooden roof and the cars splash by in the night.

and i also want a job. some place where i can be creative and part of a team and worthwhile and appreciated. a place where i can be relied upon and not in a 9 to 5 way but a magical way like, shit tony with the election over and the rain coming down we sure could use some glimpse of warmth in these cold pages, write something dreamy and romantic and poetic and smooth.

im a hundred and nine years old, la times. you know how that is. we want to feel useful and needed and more than just a mundane part of someone’s life, we want to be a special part of someones day. don’t we? i do.

two forty four am. here i am alone. not sleepy any more after passing out on the couch while the fire crackled and hbo kicked my ass and the tom kha gai’s spiciness zinged me in the right way.

am i really too out there for you? how could that be? eminem, a white rapper who yells fag every other line and sings songs about killing his wife while their daughter is in the back seat, is going to be number one in the country in album sales and movie grosses this weekend.

am i really more outrageous than him?

speaking of grosses, wasn’t jackass the movie number one just a few weeks back?

i thought we were through the looking glass, people, where black is white and white is black.

the angels won the world series.

halle and denzel won oscars.

the world trade center got knocked down by evil on national tv.

are you saying theres really no place other than here for me?

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment,

You own it,

You better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

moxie