and both have been robbed by the patriots in the last year.
i know i better watch my mouth because for some odd reason i have a lot of readers from the Massachusetts area. a lot as in a lot. like i might have more red sox, celtics, pats fans reading my page than any other non-californian group combined.
with that said, i hope that if they watched yesterday’s spectacular comeback, they can understand why i hope tom brady slips in the shower or gets a hold of a bad can of beans.
karisa’s favorite number is twelve and im sure she thinks brady is wicked cute.
what i think would be cute is if he got run over by a snowplow.
i swear.
last year, as we all know, my adopted team, my second team, the raiders, were this close to returning to glory in the super bowl. the silver and black were back.
but no, the refs in the skyboxes looked at the replay and ruled that the collapsing little brady was somehow throwing a pass instead of fumbling under the might of the raidahs. and instead of it being first and ten for oakland, it was a second life for the patriots.
the rest is history as brady and that freak vinatieri combined for one of the most classic comebacks in playoff history.
less emotional types would have been able to look at that game for the beauty that it was, a spectacular battle of wills in the ankle high snowy tundra as a nor’easter blew and the football gods worked their magic. but im completely emotional when it comes to football. in a freaky scary way. ive had amazing sex in my day and barely made a sound. but ten seconds into a football game and im cursing like a sailor and praying to the lord and throwing pretzels at the screen in disgust.
even though i was perched in front of my 35″ mitsubishi for that game last december, i also had the vcr taping it so i could soak it all in throughout the week and during off season. who doesnt love to watch football in the snow?
that tape was erased this summer because even when i saw the label i cringed and kicked the wall and yelled “it was a fumble!” because of course it was a fumble. of course it was. of course it was.
so my real team, the hapless bears played the pats yesterday in the college town of champagne urbana where most of my high school friends went to college.
the patriots this year have had their ups and downs but they are the defending champs and definitely a team to be nervous about when they come to your town.
the bears on the other hand are the bears of old. shitty. lucky on occasion. just enough brilliance to get your hopes up only to dash them when you start to believe.
the bears were kicking ass yesterday, people. and im sorry to talk sports with you today, something i try to avoid because i know how learned you are and so above the petty pace of the national football league, but ive got to get this out.
anthony thomas, the a train, was making the patriots defense look retarded, the hobbled bears quarterback jim miller started to look less like a crane operator and more like a real nfl quarterback. the bears defense was on fire led by the ghost of dick butkus, middle linebacker brian urlacher.
and even though the patiots who were down by 21 points in the third quarter seemed to be coming back there was just no way that they were going to be able to score three touchdowns in the final quarter.
until of course they did.
and if you weren’t watching you missed out because once again the patriots were blessed by the soothing kiss of instant replay. once again from a replay official up in the sky who didn’t even need to be summoned because the play in question happened within the last two minutes of the game.
americas sweetheart tom brady threw a pass that didn’t even go two feet before bears lineman bryan robinson apparently intercepted it with under a minute to play and the bears up by four.
but after further review…
so the pats had a second chance. a chance they didn’t deserve. after last year they shouldn’t even be allowed to benefit any more from instant replay without having to sacrifice their first born male children, but life isn’t fair and neither was the drive they put together capped by one of the finest twenty yard touch passes and graceful catches that you’ll ever get your heart broken over.
it was over.
tom brady had done it again.
drew who? the new englanders continue to ask themselves and boo hoo weep the bears fans.
this one didn’t hurt me as much cuz ive seen it all before. in the nightmares that i have.
some mornings i find that i have inadvertently left the front door unlocked but it doesn’t worry me. there has been a thief that has stolen my dreams in the night and he wears number twelve.
bush is the president, weed still isn’t legal, they don’t show titties on tv, and tom brady continues to snatch illicit victory at the hands of my heroes.
my mother who is a bigger bears fan than i normally calls me after each game.
she didn’t call last night.
im sure she threw her phone through her big screen.
or hung herself.
or worse.
me, i dug through old boxes of yesteryear. memories that normally haunt me stained with dust that makes me sneeze but nothing could be worse than that i had to watch last night.
this time i didn’t have to erase the tape because now i know better. some one upstairs likes me.
but they like tom brady a ton more.
next sunday the raiders return to new england and i can only hope that brady used all his magic yesterday evening, but im not going to bet against him.
