hi tony pierce, bloggy star.

hi anna kournikova super cute hot babe.

hi tony pierce totally cute boy.

do you love me, anna?

yes, do you love me, tony?

no.

no? why not?

cuz you didnt send me a thanksgiving card.

who sends thanksgiving cards?

my mom.

did you send me a thanksgiving card?

yep. go to your mailbox and you’ll see it.

nah. im too busy being sexy.

i hate you anna.

aw dont say that.

you dont love me any more. im gonna have to find a new russian tennis star girlfriend.

please dont say that, tony. you know im incredibly jealous. and i do love you.

prove it.

how can i prove it to you, it’s love.

tell me.

i love you.

show me.

mwah!

no, your boobies.

ta-da.

and your ass.

hi.

and your hey-nanu-now-now.

whoop-a!

okay i love you again, anna.

awe-some!

shot in the dark

leave me alone, im sleeping.

people sleep in heaven?

of course and no one wakes you up.

but it sounds like i woke you up.

who said i was in heaven?

bob marley, of course youre in heaven.

i am, but you shouldnt assume things.

so i woke you up or didnt i?

i was napping.

do you dream in your naps in heaven.

yep.

were you dreaming when i woke you?

i was already up.

what were you thinking about?

i was thinking about how great heaven is. i think about that all the time.

do you play guitar a lot in heaven?

yep.

what song do people request you play?

well, the lame people request “stairway”

stairway to heaven?

yeah.

ok, that is lame.

yeah. but this old lady requested “cocaine” yesterday, it was funny. so i played it.

they have cocaine in heaven?

of course.

whats it like?

i dont know, ive never been a coke man.

what one thing do you do in heaven, bob, that you never did on earth?

yoga.

anything else?

ding dongs. i never had ding dongs before. i eat a ton of them cuz you dont get cavities here.

youre the best bob marley.

no, youre the best, tony

this is super dumb.

yeah.

marc brown kicks ass

and taking the bus over to the wesssside is like visiting your parents over the holidays: everything is clean, smells good, safe.

we laid in her bed holding hands looking at each others eyes and catching up. we love each other so much you’d think nothing has ever changed, but tons has, all in good ways, mostly on her side. she looks better than ever, she’s successful as hell, her place is gorgeous and can you believe its the first apartment that was hers, all hers?

its spectacular.

far different than my hollywood bachelor pad where garbage tumbles down the alleyways and crows caw from the powerlines.

in santa monica theyve passed a law against the wind, it’s not allowed to howl after 10pm. so sweet.

we ordered chinese from our favorite place and i went back for thirds i was so happy.

chris always has some pajama bottoms for me and a tshirt and hugs and hugs and hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek or on the lips when im not looking but we know whats up, we’re best friends forever, but im still a man so when i catch her in the mirror changing out of her sexy work clothes i cant help but say real loud, “looking real good over there. shake it!”

and of course she’ll shake it. why not?

while she watched the gilmore girls i checked my email and then took a hot shower. everything in her place is in place. nothing like when she had to live with me. she has such class, such style. you’d think after five years id pick some of it up, but no.

she beat my ass at scrabble even though i had the q z and x. fuck!

she taught me a few new cheater words that id never known about like zee and she laughed.

i jumped in her bed, which is the softest and most comfortable on planet earth filled with sleepable pillows and i said come in come in and she finished packing for the holidays and then the phone rang and then i passed out within seconds.

this morning we woke up at 6am, hit the road at 630 and now my sweet exgirlfriend is jetting across the clear skies to her storybook family on the river in oregon, which only means one thing.

party in santa monica.

sam adams keg, three bands.

my single mom life