jennifer garner called me up

and said its april fools day, maybe you should do a post today and make it all true.

i said, nah.

put on my clothes, brushed my teeth and kissed her on the forehead and took the bus back to my house.

i dont like showering in strange places.

man on the radio was complaining that men complain to much. especially the american ones.

for some reason i thought immediately of andy rooney.

winner of the greatest job in the world contest.

i wonder how much andy would pay me to write his shit.

that way all hes got to do is show up for two minutes a week and not even think about anything.

how much would you pay not to have to even think about anything?

went to work then came home and made a tv dinner.

usually i dont eat tv dinners, but im exhausted tonight for some reason.

cracked open the old time favorite, salisburry steak.

somehow theyve turned the simple process of preparing a tv dinner (take dinner out of box, put it into microwave, press Quick Start + 3) into… cooking.

today i had to flip over the “steak”, pull back the plastic over the potatoes, stir the potatoes, and then put it in for a few more minutes.

ended up having to put a slice of pizza into the toaster oven afterwards.

fell asleep, woke up and write you.

vodka pundit + almost bathing suit season + urban chic + my readers dont do that!

apparently if you went into a particular phone store in Russia today

cell phone brick and took off your clothes, they would give you a free cellular phone.

i didnt even know they had cell phones in Russia.

when i was in college they had a weasly record store (that didnt sell any records) that had a promotion where you could get one free cd if you took off your clothes. they said that they would be filming it so a lot of people chickened out. still i think they got 100 kids to bare it all. hopefully they got busted for kiddie porn since im sure there were some underagers in the group.

i kept my clothes on even though Achtung Baby had just been released.

today is April Fools day and i wonder if they have that in Russia. if they did i would have been doublely suspicious of said promotion.

im not a big fan of April Fools because i think it takes a lot to gain someones trust and only one day and one stupid “joke” to ruin it. plus im very naive and gullible and sometimes i end up trusting people who i shouldnt.

i was thinking about doing an april fools thing on here today but i want you all to trust me, which i know is difficult since i say on here that nothing is true, but still you do, and i appreciate that to no end.

this girl today said that she sent me a package with some pictures of herself. i bet that was an april fools joke. typically the ladies just deliver the goods, make my jaw drop, and then i go about my business.

how did we get off track.

what i want to say is i like what metafilter did today.

let me know if youve seen some other sites do this today.

urban chic + almost bathing suit season + vodka pundit

when the new tsar cd comes out

im going to ask you people to get behind it.

im going to want you to not only buy it but tell all your friends.

last time we tried to let the record company take care of their success, but this time we’re going to take that shit in our own hands.

my bro whalen called me yesterday to wish me a happy opening day. i thought that was killer.

he really is a pretty awesome guy sometimes.

i love all the guys in tsar. all very different people. all great friends. all great musicians.

even solomon.

im so happy that theyre my friends. i wish theyd get on with it and start playing in la every week. it’s the only way.

they also need a video. i wish theyd make ten videoes in ten days. i wish theyd get held hostage at a radio station and be forced to spin records and play live and then the captor get caught and tsar ruled the world.

i want peter jennings to wear a tsar tshirt at a knicks game.

i want the pixies to get back together for the sole purpose of playing the first tsar record in its entirety on rock radio.

i want a new girlfriend.

i want a boss who respects me.

i want a job so good that i could afford a car and drive down wilshire listening to talk radio during rush hour on the way home and i dont have to rush i can just cruise into the kfc drive through and after ordering call up a cute girl and ask her if she wants me to swing by and take her to the new chris rock movie and shed say, me? and id say, you.

and shed squeal and ask me to give her 15 minutes and when i got there shed smell super great and shed be beaming and id be beaming and shed get into the car and as we were heading to the $13 a ticket theatre we’d hear the dj say, and this, oh my, this is the brand new single from la’s best new band.

kiddies, this is tsar.

and this girl would like me so much she would hold my hand through the whole movie.

and then shed ask me to show her tsar videos at my place afterwards.

i get to use my new bus pass today.

5ilver + jamie + lilly