my true love just called me.

shes my true love for lots of reasons but the latest reason is because she just called me from the pit of the main stage at coachella telling me that the beastie boys were just about to take the stage and nearly on cue i heard mix master mike being introduced, a two minute scratching tribute for jam master jay and then my favorite rap group of all, the beasties.

i laid there on my leather couch, turned down the osbournes, watched my pipe smoking unattended, and marveled at the quality of a cell phone from the desert.

i love that girl with all my heart.

hang up any time you want, she told me, and i listened to the whole song, and she came back on the phone and said that she loved me and i told her that i loved her too and told her thanks and she said bye and i said bye.

you might be like me and watch a lot of e! true hollywood stories, well i live in hollywood and this is a true story, im the luckiest man. i may not get everything that i want, or even some of what i want, but i have been blessed with the coolest girlfriends on earth.

just wednesday as a matter of fact i was on the phone with my true love and she was in pain because her neck was bothering her and i told her that i would take the bus right over to santa monica and massage her neck.

she thanked me and told me it wasnt necessary, that her doctor had finally come through with the real meds.

i told her that i was out the door, that i would rub her feet, that i would rub her back, that i would rub her front.

she said she’d be asleep before my bus even made it through west hollywood.

i told her i was going to hijack the bus and floor it down santa monica blvd.

she said dont say hijack.

i told her i was gonna busjack that mother and grand theft auto that shit, crashing into the blockbuster near her house and then run to her pad and slide in through the back door and give her what she needs so badly.

she said that what she needed so badly was sleep.

i reminded her how beautifully we slept together.

she sighed a sweet sigh.

later i said something dirty and then asked her when we’d make beautiful love again.

she told me it had been two years since we had made any love, beautiful or otherwise and things didnt look good for us ever doing it again.

it hadnt occured to me that it had been that long, nor that we wouldnt ever indulge again. ever.

what sort of fantasy had i made up about our future together?

at 109 years old i knew that even if two people were perfect together, and they both knew it and said so all the time, that it still didnt mean that the girl would want any of it.

not even a taste. nor a nibble. nor a bite. nor a lick. or two. or twenty. or twenty two.

i got sad for a breif minute and she could hear it and said she was sorry. i said its ok.

she said dont be sad.

i said im not sad, but i lied.

and when she came over the next day i took hella pictures of her ass so i could remember that id never have that again.

i need to start remembering that.

tina + annessa + splink + j_live

because marc brown is the coolest

he is going to coachella today. just like chris. just like karisa. just like everyone i know.

but unlike everyone i know, only mc brown would have the capability to take pictures and then upload them to his pblog so that all of us, even you, could see what its like to go to the coolest festival of the summer. even before summer has started.

join us now as marc brown goes into the desert to see the likes of the white stripes, sonic youth, the beastie boys, the donnas, iggy and the stooges, queens of the stone age, blur, ben harper, the hives, blue man group, interpol, gomez, black eyed peas, dirty vegas, johnny marr, the red hot chili peppers, nerd, wild child, ian mackaye (spoken word) and many more.

why arent i going? many reasons. biggest of all because im a jackass. and cuz tsar wont be there.

sign up tsar next time, big shots, and you can have my $150 and my two days of eating your food and drinking your costly water.

it’s nice to have people to live through in real time (or, like the stock market results, delayed by 5-15 minutes). even if their photos are stretched to 640×380 even though he doesnt want them to. and even though the time function is innacurate on the photo blog.

me, im sobering up from a wild night last night that i will blog about as soon as i get everything sorted out.

and my dss is still down.

and i have a hangover.

and im hungry + thirsty.

and i cant believe its only saturday.

a very special madpony + sk smith is always special + raymi can call me anything she wants

its saturday morning. im watching mariah on oprah on tivo.

i want to fix my satelitte dish but my neighbors are outside and i dont want to talk to them. secretly im painfully shy. and not very cool. you’ll see.

last night i caught the subway to vine and walked three blocks north to karisas pre birthday party. her real birthday isnt for a few weeks but she and some other ladies who are also taureses threw a threeway taurus birthday bash at the newest hottest coolest club in la, the wild orchid, formerly the crush bar.

the crush bar had been a bad quasi gay 80s pop dance club for as long as i can remember. in my opinion it was never cool, but it was always there. a staple. a place tourists might go if they didnt know where to go or couldnt get in to some of the better places.

recently somebody bought it or sold it or redesigned it or whatever, but now its wild orchid and people are going crazy over it.

which explained the huge line at 10pm, and the fact that nobody, even these three pretty cute girls werent allowed behind the velvet rope.

but im tony pierce. and im friends with one of the birthday girls.

maybe they had a guest list. so i told the bouncer my name and he looked on the list and my name wasnt on it. then he said. tony pierce?

i said, yes.

he said, what happened to your fro?

i laughed and told him that i lost a bet and he told me it looked good. i said thanks. then he told me i should go to the ivar and to tell them that earl sent me.

i said, but i want to have a drink with karisa for her pre birthday.

and he said aint nobody getting in there, but he did whip out a ten and flowed the busblog.

51. earl

so i went to the ivar. confused, but laughing, cuz sometimes this shit just writes itself.

almost there + cofeenated + fearful symmetry