if i was a girl i would be braless like all the time

id do my hair crazy all the time. constantly dying it. wigs. the whole deal.

id be my girlfriend, of course. cuz im a great boyfriend, once you get to know how i work.

53. Leho Pictures

id wear cheerleader skirts matched with guns n roses tees, ripped. unmade hair. the just-raped look.

if i was a girl my blog would probably be ten times more popular, and it would allow me this sort of slam against my local newspaper:

Dear LA Times,

Why is is that you suck so bad?

I’m a fucking girl and even I know that when you have a local angle on a story of (ironically enough, newspapers) you don’t bury that local flavor TWELVE fucking paragraphs into the story!

Are you people all high over there?

Is this Let Your Children Run Your Business Day?

fucking a i called this shit yesterday. quit being defined by life outside of LA!

Your staff writer starts his story by telling the tale about a bunch of college conservatives in Carolina(!) who thought their school paper was too liberal, so they wanted to start a new paper with a different slant. They wanted to make professors feel “threatened” when they got a phone call from this new paper.

Nowhere is the impetus for these southern kids Better journalism, more facts, more investigative stories, clearer writing, or freer reign over op-ed pieces. All the kids at the Jesse Helms Center seem to be whining about is that lots of college students were against this last war, according to your paper.

Meanwhile fifteen paragraphs into the story, you get this quote:

“A lot of my professors don’t try to hide the fact they are outright Marxists,” said one Nicholas Romero, 20, editor of the UC Santa Barbara Gaucho Free Press. The Free Press is the new conservative paper, you tell us, an alternative to the highly acclaimed UCSB Daily Nexus, which launched the careers of great writers like Welch, Amy, Ben, the Whalen Bros., and yours truly.

Once again, LA Times, I’m a chick and I know a great fucking quote when I read it, and you just buried one by wanking off to the North Carolinian readership that you seem to be pandering to.

Now, it doesnt matter to me that Nick’s allegedly Marxist professors have no influence on the Nexus, since there is no journalism school at UCSB and no advisors, but i’ll let it slide, just like you did.

But just look at the sweet juicy diss that the Gaucho Free Press levies at the Daily Nexus:

“Romero and co-editor Gretchen Pfaff, 21, had no interest in writing for the main campus newspaper, the Daily Nexus, which they say too often glamorizes drug use and promiscuity. ‘It’s offensive,’ Pfaff said.”

So let me get this right. You have a story about conservative college alternative papers sprouting up. Instead of focusing on the UCSB papers (one which is established, award-ridden, and glorious; one that is new and Republican), you spend the entire first third of the article writing about a lame ass redneck fishwrap deep in the heart of Dixie?

Lick my clit, LA Times. Lick it good.

LA Examiner + marc brown + la daily news

i love

brezney’s real astrology

Libra ( September 23 – October 22 )

At a recent concert, devotional singer Krishna Das recounted a story of escorting his revered teachers, a frail old Indian couple, to an acupuncturist in New York. They had to walk through a neighborhood dominated by strip clubs, prostitutes, and drug dealers. Every few feet, a new salesperson approached with an offer of crack, weed, crank, or sexual adventures. Krishna Das worried about subjecting his beloved guides to such a degrading experience, but they were unfazed. “This is heaven,” said the woman. When a surprised Krishna Das asked what she meant, she replied, “Heaven is any place where one’s needs can be met.” My wish for you this week, Libra, is that you be as open-minded as she was about where heaven might reside for you.

what do you do when one of your heroes

is a convicted purveyor of kiddie porn?

kill yr idols?

forgive and forget?

ignore the obvious?

me, i like to blame the President of the United States.

damn you george!

well its only fair. how many knee jerkers instantly blame sex drugs rock for the decline of western civ? or the fact that their daughters are listening to 50 cent and their sons are dressing like him.

i just want to know where all the devil music has gone to? how come nashville pussy hasnt taken over the world?

doesnt marilyn manson have a new record out? why havent i heard it?

why do i know more about the justin timberlake tour than i do ozzfest?

did you know that american idol was in the top 5 in neilson ratings two nights last week?

this may be a stretch, but through all this am i to assume that pete townshend isnt the only one salivating over children?

the kids write me and send me nice things and they want to molest me, but i just sit in my media room flipping channels waiting for something to entertain me and i just flip and flip and flip until i pass out on my leather couch only to be awaken by my robotic dog, my sole companion who yips when he needs to be recharged.

sprinklers soak the grass, and my window, and my white man lawn jockey.

wind chimes tinkle their tunes in the wind.

raccoons sniff at the buddah bird feeder.

weather vane just spins and spins and the cock aims at the wrong direction making me wonder how on earth can a weather vane be broken?

i hope i get old before i get old.

true boy + oish + the ward + fun squared