when im not and im at my desk the phone rings off the damn hook.

i like people so usually it goes like this. ring ring.

hi this is tony.

tony this is bill pill.

bill pill! how you doing man.

so today it was all ring ring.

pierce here.

tony, agent m.

agent m! good to hear from you.

tony, is it true that theyre firing people at the xbi?

agent m actually works at the xbi and is one of the few who knows my real name. and one of the very few who reads the busblog.

my name is anti.

m, no theres nothing going on here. nothing on that thing is true.

good, cuz i was there on thursday and i saw the boxes, and i was there the last time they were handing out bags of money.

dude, i remember it too.

whats true is its finally summer here in la.

whats true is we’re watching maya on mtv trl from the beach bouse and if i had the life that i think i should be having i would be at the mtv beach house taking pictures and blogging about it for you while spreading good will to men and women of all kinds.

whats true is good charlotte is bullshit.

whats true is ive called this girl three times in the last three days. just as friends. i swear. last night i called to ask her if she would like to go to the pictures with me. each time she says that she is busy can she call me back. each time i say yes. each time i pass out and wake up and she hasnt called back.

you know who calls me? ashley calls me.

in five months or so ive called her once. still she calls me all the time.

jeff tsar used to say something about girls who hang in there like that. he said those were his types of girls.

im starting to agree with him.

maybe i will put a picture of ashley on here one of these days.

the rabbit blog + how appealing + reverse cowgirl

a much different set up than many of us expected.

some of us expected to get the axe today.

some of us got the axe today.

what they did was they moved us from one wing of the building to the other. in order to do that all of us were told to pack our stuff up on boxes and tag our boxes. then they gave us thursday off and monday off for the move.

today we arrived in our new digs and some of us didn’t have new digs to move into. those people found themselves in a meeting in the garage.

when i first started at the xbi i had hr background so they made me do some of the terminations.

the way i imagine they did them this morning was like this:

there was a pile of boxes. there was a table. there was a stack of money. there were guys with rifles. and if i was involved there would have been boxes of krispey kremes.

AND NAPKINS!

just cuz we’re stone killers doesn’t mean we have to eat like animals. i mean, really.

anyhow, what probably went down was if your name was on the list they gave you your boxes, they looked and gave you an undisclosed amount of cash and then they shook your hand. if you bitched they’d beat you down and take your severance pay. if you bitched more they’d take your personal belongings and your wallet.

if you bitched even more then the guys with the rifles would blow your knee off.

xbi doesn’t fuck around. which is why i love it here and why i didn’t want to get fired this morning.

problem is im an old man and i have grown accustomed to the ergonometry of my past cubicle and now im in a better seat, cooler window area, but i dont have a sweet tray for my keyboard and my mouse is all fucked up… my buddies around me are bitching too, but we all have to keep in mind that several floors below us grown men and women are taking their money and wondering where there next bag of cash will come from, so we best chill.

i got two very nice emails from readers in this morning’s mail. with photos attached.

i like photos, so thank you ladies.

one of the photos didn’t show me too much about the woman who sent it, and normally that worries me but ive learned to live and let live. she appears to be somewhat of an exhibitionist so maybe there will be more to come. lets hope so.

my weekend went way too fast. doing nothing will do that to you. plus i procrastinated like a bitch. plus i suck.

plus i got dumped.

plus i got sorta laid.

plus i liked her and i wanted to get to know her better.

i haven’t been dumped in a few months so i guess i had it coming.

better in the boudoir than in the bureau, i suppose.

goose + sarah + buffoonery

and ive lost a lot of mail.

this one very nice canadian writes and ask me how i can go on calling chris (pictured) my “true love” and expect for elegible bachelorettes to feel comfortable in comparison or blah blah blah…

all you need to know canada and mexico for that matter is peoples minds can change and right now i think chris is the greatest.

want me to lie?

best thing about her? wants nothing to do with me.

how great is that?

second best thing about her?

loves me as much as i love her.

she thought i was upset with her because shes dating a republican and the other day we were saying goodnite to each other and it would have been interesting to overhear her say and i swear hes not a republican i swear.

i always feel better when im around her. without fail.

i know what unconditional love is because of her.

its annoying.

you cant turn it off.

but i will find a new true love. and if i dont, and if chris hasnt gotten married when shes 88, i will knock her walker over with my rascal and i will fall on her and kiss her cheeks good right there in the rite aid and ive told this to her and she laughs and then coughs cuz shes turning into a smoker, bitch.

but i aint kidding.

my rascals gonna find your ass

at the rite aid

anti + one for the thumb + raymi + splink, my role model + modern prometheus

and now im stoked.

i was also told by the cheerleader i like the most that we can never see each other again.

that takes a little air out of the stokeness, but the stokeness is a pretty good one.

i feel like ive finished my take home final and its just 1:43am, ive got time to do whatever it is that i would have done if i wanted to procrastinate.

its funny the things that we procrastinate on.

the first girlfriend i ever had i procrastinated on for two years.

we talked every day on the phone for two years. then when she was about to move i kissed her and she kissed me back.

since then i learned to go for the things you want to right away because she might kiss you back.

sometimes you can go too fast, but thats better than never going for it, and think about the things that youve seriously gone for in your life and then think about the things you havent gone for at all.

i saw this thing on paparazzis. video ones. on one hand it sucks that theyre interrupting peoples privacies but on the other hand it is sorta interesting to see celebs cower through the airports with their floppy hats all pissed off.

do you get off the plane and wave to everyone for a minute?

maybe they should.

maybe they should say, my its good to be back in los angeles where everything might not be perfect, but its better than most places.

then give them a sad face. then a happy face then a suprised face. then a funny face.

all part of getting twenty mil a picture.

i would like to be a limo driver.

not a big stretch limo. more like a town car driver.

im a very safe and slow driver, i would be good for old people.

annessa + phil + allison + jim