i want to be a good writer i want to be a good man

i wroter which is weak(r) she wrote back i wrote back she wrote back i wrote back she truth or dared me i truthed and dared her i want to be a good writer i want to be a good blogger i want to be i want to be i want to keep being me.

shes a smart girl its obvious and pretty and confident even though young and smart and pretty and sexy iwant to be someone better i want to do something bigger i want to i want to i want to i cant believe how much i get to. she i hope understood what i was saying but theres no way she could understand what im saying. i want this computer to get fixed soon. the viruses have it pinned down but it keeps moving its head quick to the left cheek then quick to the right cheek, headbutting when the virus gets too close to the lips, tounge slithering out, teeth glistening in the light of the tv.

it might be old, like she isnt, but its just as feisty, just as strong. just as important to this sentence. and this one. and this paragraph. and the next one. i want to be better. i want to be faster i want to be sharper i want to be smarter.

the birds are singing in the moonlight for some reason. are they hungry or horny the palm tree asks itself. faster. faster. harder. smarter. the dew and the breeze and the street sounds and pet sounds, the garbage and the homeless the scarecrow and the rainbow can only hear these little birds sing in the darkness and its not a song they know or cares to know we all just know that its hard to stay i say its hard to stay satisfied for more than a more of that more than this more than that its hard to stay satisfied for more than a minute so keep going keep growing keep working keep trying.

peak upon peak upon peak and youre faster peak upon strength upon rock upon magical. she has a magical smile and courtney love eyes and a voice like raymi thats deep sometimes and grainy. she held herself she did well for herself she called herself a girl she proved her spot in this whirling and whirling and spining and turning i saw the i letter that said that i said i too much. touch too much. touch too much. i i i i too much. you suck too much. like incubus. you suck at us.

i didnt want to meet elvis costello after i met paul westerberg. bruce climbed the fence at graceland, i stood in line at spaceland. sometimes the image the idea the day dream the ice cream is better in the mind than in the orange rind. he had orange rinds all over. he had his hands on his back he had guns in his rack we had guns at his back i said why the orange rinds he said xbi i said no such thing he started crying he said please dont kill me i said answer the question he said i didnt believe you existed i said feel your arm twisting he said dont touch my girlfriend i said you probably should stop moving he said for the weed i said what he said orange rinds orange rinds the whole place smelled of lemon peels i mean orange rinds this years potpourri the devil still owes me he said shes my true love i said this isnt about her quit talking about her you want to talk about her you dont want us to talk to her he said no no i said no one wants or needs her but what of these orange rinds.

and the traffic from her bedroom is like a river except its the 2 she says tea i said nyet she says me i said wait she opened up a baggie and pinched off a peice and packed a big bowl and she said for both of us i thought xbi she said lets get high i thought xbi she said have you not tried i said i could die she said why now why i said xbi shit i said xbi.

no wonder why.

and i woke up and she was smiling i woke up and she was staring i woke up and i didnt know where i was right there with her and with you and with pink tv and dirty clothes and rolled up socks and pantyhose she said you were talking in your sleep i said i dont talk in my sleep she said you were on repeat i said what she said talk to me look at me talk with me look at me i said why are you saying that she says thats what you were doing i said what was i doing she said rhyming and stealing and repeating and circling and running through the strangest lists. i said like what she said you said i want to be better i want to be normal i want to be better i want to be ternal.

she said do you want to write better i said i want to go getter she said do you want to go get her she said i want to go get her.

laencantada + sepi + jarrett

and their asses and bailed out early this morning, hours before we, the xbi, had shown up.

so now theres going to be some heads being bashed in because someone told them they were coming, because there was a mess, because there was shit everywhere, and because nobody messes with texas, and because nobody lives after they rat out the xbi.

plus i just found out that my true lust has the wrong birthday.

i try not to believe in astrology but when it keeps coming true what can you do?

shes so cute.

but theyre all cute.

sad thing about astrology being right is that its been so right.

its not like i didnt try either. but all the ones that werent supposed to work out didnt work out exactly how they werent supposed to work out.

especially the arieses.

so cute.

someone just told me that sammy’s appeal has been heard and major league baseball has reduced the suspension from 8 days to 7 days.

fuck baseball.

what does this teach kids? do kids get to appeal their suspensions? wheres the kids’ union?

so sammy cheats, puts a huge blemish on his career, and gets a week-long summer vacation. fuck you, baseball.

no longer is my fondest wish to travel the world and blog to you about all the wonderful people i meet and delicious foods that i eat.

my new fondest wish isnt to manage the cubs to a world series victory, it’s to be the first black commissioner of baseball.

and trust me there will be minorites in the front offices and in the managerial ranks once im the commish.

and you’ll see the death of the dh.

and people who cheat will not be given week-long summer holidays.

which rhymes with buck beer friday ladies days.

d-lo + gorilla mask + the ward

first they had a guy dragging a huge ship anchor and chain across sand. now some dude is pulling a semi truck across a parking lot.

even the ladies at the xbi like the strongman competition which is broadcast on espn every morning.

someone just said in my ear that game one of the stanley cup finals got the same ratings as the womens college softball world series. i think america is saying fuck puck.

we like trees but they dont do anything.

nothing other than convert carbon dioxide into oxygen and give birds and bugs and vermin nice little homes in which to live.

i walk past this very large church to the subway each day. the church has a large congregation and lots of volunteers. i dont judge whatever they pray about in their church but i do judge their groundskeeping.

to have so many volunteers they sure have a lot of weeds and ugly plants.

have pretty plants spiritual people.

im not sexist, but i have found myself not liking the rides given by the female subway drivers.

and i miss the goodmorning goodmorning goodmorning subway man. what happened to him?

he’d say things like wilshire/western this is our final stop, please make sure to take all your personal belongings, cell phones, bags, purses, coats with you. and remember youre all kings and queens. have a beautiful day.

wheres that guy?

instead i get these women who brake too hard and who always seem suprised that the normandie stop is after the vermont stop.

theres always this, next stop is…. normandie.

why the pause, ladies?

every time you leave vermont station the normandie station will be there.

also they only tell you that this is the wilshire/western train after they close the doors and head off.

its ok to tell the people before you close the doors. infact tell them a few times and tell them the north hollywood train will come in a few minutes.

im looking at the wind blow the trees.

today we’re flying over venice. some gang shit. we’re about to steal a bunch of leather furniture after we make our “citizens arrests”.

im giving mine to the poor.

i already have furniture.

i played the lotto yesterday even though the odds are against me.

they say you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning. so i figure if you want to get hit by lightning go outside in a storm.

similiarly if you want to get a couple million dollars and travel around and write about it may as well get some lottery tickets.

the gang members dont seem to be at home.

someone wants to go into their warehouse anyway but im telling them that it might be a trap.

so now someone is singing “… caught in a trap, and i cant get back

cuz i love you too much baby.”

oh shit, now everyone is singing and laughing

“We can’t go on together

With suspicious minds…”

crazy thing is some of these people are about to start shooting at people.

like at any minute.

bitchen photo essay from the dells+ wKen + sumo-pop + allison

because it was my bestfriend’s birthday and i didnt even get to see her.

i once saw a thing about this hundred year old woman who lived in this big building of old folks and she would go to the drugstore for all the other old folks and she picked up a hobby when she was 50 and then picked up another when she was 75 and then a different one when she was 90. she said that one reason she was able to stay healthy and happy was that she didnt resist or fight change.

if someone that she loved died or moved away, she wouldnt let it bring her too far down. she rolled with the changes. she said that in her 100 years she saw so much change it was insane and just flowed with it all.

i think about that old lady a lot. not because im interested in living to be 500 years old, but because she seemed happy throughout her whole life, and because i dont do as well with change as i’d like. especially with old girlfriends.

i suppose i am still carrying a torch for my ex, which i know is dumb, but its the pattern that i repeat time after time. and i know in my heart that all it does is take years off my life.

not in a mortal sense, but in a real sense. if you close your heart to the world for even a half of a year after you break up with someone then youve taken half a year off your Life, and my pattern has been to go years without giving any of the fine ladies of america a real chance after a break up.

historians might go back to my archives and see that i picked up the hobby of blogging right when my true love and i were breaking up a few years back. and others might say that i started dating ashley immediately, and clipper girl and others, but the truth was my heart was still with yesterdays birthday girl. we talked on the phone every day and hung out at least once a week.

i dont know why im writing about this.

this is boring.

im trying to get my courage up to ask the hottest girl at work out for this weekend.

lets see what my astrology says.

Libra Horoscope for week of June 12, 2003 by Rob Brezney

When I’m mountain-biking on the ridge, I usually stick to the relatively smooth parts of the dirt trails. Now and then, though, I head straight towards the most jagged bumps and deepest pits. It feels good to test my sense of balance so dramatically — to have to make countless split-second adjustments as my bike rumbles over the rugged terrain. Far from being a hardship, the sensation is exhilarating. I do it on purpose because it’s fun. From my analysis of the astrological omens, Libra, I reckon you’re now in a phase comparable to the one I just described. May you enjoy every minute of the wild ride.

I guess that means go for it.

okay, i’ll go for it.

blog blog blog + the new and improved la examiner + la observed