i eat too much

i drink too much lite beer, i watch too much tv, i answer the phone far too much.

two girls came over tonight with a little thing of marijuana, america, and what are you supposed to do with that?

brazillian girls with the best accents. have i ever told you how i love accents? luuuuuuuuuuuuuv.

they rolled the thing and licked it and made sure it was tight and perfect and narrow and potent which is a trick at my age as the only thing that makes me startle any more is how many morons have control over things.

but im even starting to get used to that.

karma. me and this hot chick were at my doctors office this morning. in the waiting room. she had gotten pink eye but still looked hot. i said whats it like. she said fluid was dripping out of my eye. i said um gross and still undressed her with my eyes. you woulda too.

she asked what i was in for. i told her theyve got to shave another inch off it and both her eyebrows went up.

the girth i assured, just the girth.

picked up a sports illustrated from two months ago. the baseball preview issue and saw who they were picking back in april to do well.

she said maybe we were some evil bastards in a past life if we have to go through this shit now.

and i love girls who swear. it means they whisper the best things when they whisper.

i eat too many doritios and pizza and malt balls and tom kha kai.

im crazy about milk i realize as i say aloud.

and that coulda come out wrong but with some people its impossible. she understood.

she esped me.

what do you want to do right now?

i esped back

write something really good.

she said would you write about me

i said i couldnt even begin to write about you

and she wrote her number down in a subscription card to vice magazine

the nurse called her name


she got up and walked through the swinging doors without ever looking back at me.

i looked down at the card and above her name she had written


and there aint no fucking way im dating a girl name ronnie

no matter how smoking she looked in a business suit, skirt, heels

and pink eye

in a waiting room on fairfax.

laurita + gorilla mask + waterslide

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