i called in sick.

i haven’t called in sick in over a year. maybe a year and a half.

in many ways im a great employee. i respect my bosses, i am perpetually in a good mood, i don’t mind working overtime (for a price), im disgustingly loyal, im on time, i don’t take a parking space, i hardly ever expense anything, i bring in all my magazines for people to read, i get along with even the evil people, and i like baking treats for the passers-by.

and i never lie.

ive noticed in my 75 years in the work place that lying is a basic form of office communication. its like a language. people have ways to lie and make it not sound like a lie.

but the best is when they say things that don’t mean a fucking thing.

i actually do like when people can do that, cuz i suck at it.

so yeah, im sick. i do feel gross. if i have something i don’t want to give it to my coworkers because their jobs are vital. if i don’t really have something bad, i will be back in chopper one tomorrow.

and if the boss asks me how i feel i will say, i was shitting fire all day yesterday.

which is true.

you know you’re sick when your farts smell like old man farts.

you don’t have to be a doctor to know that your ass doesn’t lie, america. remember that.

when i was in grade school i had a teacher who taught us that laughter is the best medicine. he told us about a guy who had cancer and he got all these three stooges movies and played them over and over in his hospital room, and he laughed and laughed and he beat cancer.

so this morning i took a shower, drank a bunch of oj, called in, and pay-per-viewed Old School, which, yes, i had never seen before, and of course loved.

then i sex chatted this hot girl who i hope will wear a nurse’s outfit when she gets off work tonight to check in on me.

and then i turned opened my blogger pro window,

and then i said hi to all of you, the wonderfully anonymous readers of the busblog.

who i adore immensely.

and if my boss is reading this, i know that its 80 degrees here in hollywood with clear blue skies,

and the beach is a bus ride away

and if you have any friends who see me there

it was purely therapeutic