in the history of mankind

witness:

Libra Horoscope for week of September 11, 2003

“You’re only given a little spark of madness,” says Robin Williams. “You mustn’t lose it.” His advice is especially apt for you now. To aid your efforts, here are tips on how to keep a healthy level of insanity, by librarian Bonnie Wolf.

1. When people ask you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

2. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

3. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

4. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”

5. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

6. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

7. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

8. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”

9. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! Third time this week!”

10. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in.”

11. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

12. Dont use any punctuation marks

13. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “run for your lives, they’re loose!”

15. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

16. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

rob brezney

people dont know what to do. they dont know how to act. nobody knows what to wear. nobody knows what to say.

i dont like any of the patriotism today. there should be nothing. we should all have the day off.

only way to get back at someone is to give them the day off.

you terrorized us into a day at the beach, gratzi.

its nice in LA but they got planes flying around with banners that say united we stand and crap like that and its bogus. thats such an empty and hollow catch phrase.

people have their flags on their cars again, not in the droves they did before, but i see them and they do nothing for me.

how can you be more American today? is there something? theres nothing. which again makes me think we should just have the day off and go see a parade, or go to the track, or catch a ball game, or call a hot chick who you havent had the nads to call.

i remember two years ago they let us out early and i walked up the street and i saw my work crush going into a record store and i was thinking how i never see her outside of the workplace and how great it would be to get to know her and have lunch with her.

but my mind was crazed that afternoon, im sure hers was too. it was nuts.

ironic that this would actually be a holiday that people could get behind. its not religious, its not for some president(s) that nobody alive ever voted for. it’s not a hallmark holiday. it’s a real thing and a real reason to spend time with one’s loved ones and family and reflect and appreciate life.

and most people would just sit around and watch tv which is what most of us did two years ago, but thats ok, tv’s not always bad.

having your country muddle through a crappy day, a day that still is very sensitive to more than a few americans is a bad idea.

since our president is so fearless about spending money that the nation doesnt have, i say he make this day a holiday and let people observe the most infamous date in us history.

next year for sure im calling in sick.

welch + splink + buzz machine live from nyc

cuz i dont write about sad things very often.

theres a few ways for this blog to approach this day. i could just totally ignore it, i could totally be sad, i could totally try to instill hope and some fucked up silver lining.

i could remind you that Bush Knew.

i could write an open letter to the evil doers and call them pussies, etc.

i could remind you that the $75 billion or whatever the bill is for the cowboy vengefullness hasnt really made anyone feel any safer or brought any of the accused to “justice.”

i could talk about the strength of american resolve.

i could write about how we’re all one people.

i could quote bob marley. ghandi. angus young.

i could just write about the cubs and ignore the day in a fit of apathy to those who wanted to gain attention in their sick little way.

i could write more about the madpony girls.

i could tell you about how we had a big meeting this morning here at the xbi as to whether or not we should just take this day off and especially ground chopper one since the skies might not be so friendly since the feds are probably keeping a closer eye on air travel today.

but i think im going to write instead about this family i saw on the subway today.

cute mexican family. mom with a tiny little 4 month old, and a three year old. dad with a four year old. young parents. no baby stroller.

everyone was smiling. 4 yr old saying bye to everyone as they got ready to get off the subway.

baby just smiling and smiling.

and then he touched me with his little baby hand.

and it felt great.

i think im going to write about that today.

go cubs.

happy birthday chris!

the mad pony girls have made the big time.

linked as a blog of note on the main page of blogger.com, probably the most difficult and therefore most important hyperlink on the entire blogosphere, not to mention recognition from the creators of the medium.

nice damn job, ladies.

special congratulations needs to go out to kristin who kept the madpony phenomenon going when Shewhodoesnotpost chose to involve herself in highschool wrestling, flirting with inmates, and winning blue ribbons with her trusty bugsy.

kristin kept the site going despite her responsibilites at the sorority house and the panhellenic council, despite her job at the crazy shoe store, despite going to europe, and despite being a straight a student.

madpony.com is upbeat, wholesome, goofy fun. a look inside the lives of two nice girls who just want to dance. thats all.

you wont see any harsh words for anyone else on the web, you wont find pouting or wishlists, ads, slutty webcam shots, or links to xrated sites.

recently the blogfather himself, the instapundit, has been mentioning the oklahomans more than a few times which led to being permanently hyperlinked, and finally the insights of lauren and kristin were shared with the mainstream.

just in time for college football season.

and now blogger itself has issued the ultimate shout out.

how cool is that.

maybe this will inspire lauren to write a little more.

maybe it will inspire kristin to do more photo essays.

maybe it means we will finally get to meet the mythological mad pony, the namesake him/her self.

last years interview with lauren + kristin’s european photo essay + dc