and all of the credit has to go to my sister who made it all happen and for that i must thank her repeatedly.

i dont think you people understand what a terrible brother i was, and am. and im not even really that great of a son.

tonight my mom and i were driving back from downtown chicago and even though she is only 27, she sometimes acts like an old woman. for example when i drive her places she puts her head down and looks at her cell phone. she cant stand not being in control in the passengers seat and she doesnt like it when people drive too close to each other.

dont you believe in the lord anymore, ma, i ask her.

of course i do, i just dont believe that person OH SHOOT! and she’ll stomp her foot down on the invisible brake, i dont believe that person sees you over here, she’ll finish.

so were about to take a long swinging curve over a freeway. one of those overpass dealies thats like a quarter mile high and a half mile long. and she said, i really hate this curve, and i said, why, and she said i just really hate it and before she could get the words out i punch the gas and she screamed. but i really only made it sound bad, the car didnt really accellerate and she said if you want to make me cry do that again, but please dont do that again.

and i laughed cuz i am the original bart simpson, especially around my family.

so we picked up some chinese and got home and walked across the street to my sisters house and after dinner we heard the little baby on the baby monitor start to cry, so my mom went upstairs and got her out of the crib, walked downstairs and gave her to my sister.

the little angel was tired, probably had a bad dream, but looked adorable, as always. she sucked her thumb and cuddled with her mommy. after awile my mom held her, then i held her but she started to cry for her mom. so we gave her back. then i got my camera and i asked my sister, hey can i take a picture of her crying? and my mom said, shes not crying, and i said, not yet.

so my sister laughed and said, please dont tell anyone that i am letting you do this.

and my mom said, tony dont do anything to that child.

and i took the baby from her mother and stood her up on the coffee table and i put the camera on movie mode and sure enough within seconds she slowly erupted in little tears and cries and i laughed and everyone laughed cuz the damn kid was so cute, and i got my thirty seconds of baby crying and i kissed her cheek and delivered her back to her mom and my mom said, you havent changed a bit.

which is true.

i still suck.

we figured out that it has been 5 years since ive last been home. and it was 5 years since i was back before that. thats sorta outrageous. but coming back here is terribly emotional for me. i had such an out of the ordinarily great childhood that it is really too super freaky to come back here and see it all changed and lots of things, like my kindergarten, razed, and replaced with nothing.

the farm where we never got our eggs, gone.

the old amusement park, adventurland, leveled to put in an Allstate office.

the field that i used to golf in with range balls stolen from the nearby golf range, converted into a newer improved golf range.

both of my highschools are now being torn apart and renovated.

the swingset that i kissed my first girlfriend on, gone.

and the christmas tree forest where i used to bury all of my old sneakers, so gone that i couldnt even find one remaining evergreen.

thats all too much for this sensitive poet. especially when you mix it with lots of things that are identical. like the sad little dunkin donuts, or the roller rink i used to practically live in, or the garbage dump that has grown so big that they want to turn it into a ski resort.

change is a bitch, as is time, as are old memories that dont mesh with the present.

all in all i think illinois is better off for the changes that they have made, and the kids who are growing up here have a far more diverse group of kids to play with, and bigger and better neighborhoods with more and more things to do. so i suppose that the progress that has happened here is for the best.

still, i hope that in heaven the good Lord will take requests during orientation week, and if he does i will ask him if i can step into the time machine for just a few hours so i can be a teenager again, with my first girlfriend, and take her back, one more time to the swingset thats there no more.

cubs won today.

amourous times + the newest blog of note! ultrablognetic + sahalie