today is my favorite beastie boys birthday.

mr. ad rock turns 103 today.

ive been lucky enough to see most of the beastie boys shows here in LA and in frisco and in santa barbara, going all the way back to the together forever tour back in the licensed to ill tour.

i loved that album, the follow up Pauls Boutique, which is a classic. i loved check your head. i loved Skillz to Pay the Billz.

i loved ill communication.

i loved their videos and still do.

i even loved their instrumental album the In Sound from Way Out. i even gave that to my mom.

im sad that it looks like the beasties have sorta lost their edge.

im sad that they dont think its cool to shake up the budweiser cans and slide all over the stage.

im sad that they just dont decide to put out a jazz record or a full on punk record.

and then come back home to hip hop.

im sad theyre not interested in giving rock an enema.

but im happy that while they were peaking they peaked hard and long.

i heart you ad rock.

you are the king.

happy birthday.

i told her that when she got married to that no talent boy bander that i wasnt going to write about her. people ask me if i miss her and i say yeah, of course i do.

people ask if i will ever talk to her again, and i think to myself, but i dont say it, i think to myself, yeah, thats my girlfriend. i dont care who she marries, shes mine. he’ll get struck by lightning one day and she’ll come running back to me.

people ask if we talk on the phone or anything and i say no.

people ask if we ever send carrier pigeons to each other and i say sometimes, but only on a whim, or when we’re drunk.

but i lie, she sends me one almost every day. usually a white one that looks pink in the moonlight.

people ask me why i dont like her husband and i say easy, just look at him, or better yet (or worse yet) listen to him.

they say whats wrong with listening to him.

i say, if i was given the ability to sing, do you think i would sing that sort of crap? would you sing that sort of crap?

i say, if i was married to her, dont you think i would be wearing tshirts that said anna on it.

i would.

and on the back it would say fucker.

they say, but you two seemed to be so in love, and i say to them, so.

and they say, but you two were inseperable for a while, and i would say so were dean and jerry.

life goes on. ask benlo. people breaking up and people getting together is the oldest dance move out there.

people say would you ever forgive her for marrying him.

i say maybe.

but i think no.

people say will you ever be back together with her again.

and i say, of course.

look at her.

shes my girlfriend.

and they say awww thats sweet

but they dont see that behind my back, my fingers are crossed.

time killer + reger + tina

truelove: it was so nice waking up to your voice.

truelove: 🙂

dumbasstony: youre welcome

truelove: i love you.

dumbasstony: awwww

dumbasstony: i love you too!

truelove: happy halloween!

dumbasstony: how did the food turn out?

truelove: good.

truelove: smells good.

dumbasstony: how do you smell?

truelove: nice

dumbasstony: how do you look?

truelove: pretty

truelove: good

truelove: i think i look more like minnie mouse

truelove: than norma jean

truelove: 🙂

truelove: but it looks ok.

dumbasstony: thats cute

truelove: black and white tight gingam capris

truelove: red sweater

truelove: 40s shoes

truelove: fake eyelashes just on the edges of my eyes

truelove: red lipstick

truelove: hair curled

truelove: with a white bow in my hair.

dumbasstony: very cute

truelove: not too much make up

dumbasstony: heels?

truelove: yeah

truelove: 40s heels

truelove: they are these shoes i bought a while ago.

truelove: heels/maryjane type

truelove: very cute.

truelove: 🙂

dumbasstony: garters?

dumbasstony: for me?

truelove: hahaha

truelove: no garters my love

truelove: marilyn wore those .. not norma

dumbasstony: you still have time when you come over tonight

truelove: hahaha

truelove: are people dressed up at work?

dumbasstony: yeah, mostly like the gang guys we bust.

dumbasstony: kelly and regis are cracking me up

truelove: good ones?

dumbasstony: they dressed like pam and kid rock

dumbasstony: now theyre dressed as ashton and demi

truelove: hahahaha

truelove: really?

dumbasstony: so good!

truelove: do they look good?

dumbasstony: pro costumers

dumbasstony: i will post some pix hopefully

truelove: cool

dumbasstony: can i post this convo on my thing?

truelove: no

truelove: 🙂

truelove: if you want

truelove: whatever.

truelove: just a goofy convo

dumbasstony: i love you so

truelove: i love you too.

truelove: very, very much.

dumbasstony: xoxoxoxo

dumbasstony: have fun today

truelove: xoxoxoxox

truelove: you too!

moxie + madpony + this means whore

one of the few holidays that we celebrate here in hollywood.

today i put on my blogger hoodie and pretended to be an a list blogger. one kid pointed at me and said, hey, it’s jim treacher! another kid said, nah, its andrew sullivan!

i punched both of them, stole their candy, and kept moving.

nothing cuter than high school freshman kids squirming in agony on a city street corner in costume moaning my eye, my eye.

got into the office and almost everyone was dressed up as gang members, which is funny, sorta. its easy though to dress up like that since we have a lot of their stuff in the cage. sad thing is they were dressed as specific gang members who we had either busted or were planning on busting or stealing from.

one fat guy really had this mexican dude down perfectly.

if only they knew that their images were being celebrated in a way inside the secret offices of the xbi superhero hq.

last night i was a little sick. i wanted to go walk down hollywood blvd and get a stuffed animal, a lion, and put it on my shoulder today and have blood coming down his mouth and down my neck.

i wanted to get a white suit and put glitter all over it and be roy. but i was sick.

i took some echinacea and went to sleep early and woke up this morning feeling on top of the world.

thank you hippydrug. asiandrug. whatever sort of drug you are. thank you.

my computer is still broke, cub fans. my home computer. so if you dont see any updates this weekend its cuz my bro hasnt hooked me up yet. he does it for free and does it wonderfully so we cant blame him. plus he works in the day and rocks at night with my favorite band, and in the order of importance i wouldnt want it any other way.

so if i forget to tell you on monday, Tsar is playing at the Silverlake Lounge in Silverlake on 2906 Sunset Boulevard Monday night.

and if i forget to tell you, i thank you for reading my dumb blog.

its very nice of you.

drikoland + splinky + oliver willis

i do.

and some of my friends are not only great pals, but sage advisors. amy langfield (pictured) is someone whose ideas i always take to heart.

recently she has been pushing me to retire from the xbi and join her into the world of journalism.

i keep trying to tell her that journalism isnt ready for tony pierce and she tells me that im wrong, so wrong.

i told her that im far more interested in blogging and that i believe that blogging could be a professional gig very very soon, so she asked me to write up a proposal for playboy and blogger to which i posted yesterday.

this morning she wrote me an email saying that she loved both proposals and suggested that i write one every day.

since amy was the editor in chief of the nexus when i was writing three articles a day, she was quite aware that i would never turn down an assignment, so here goes.

dear chicago cubs,

my name is tony pierce.

i think you should have a blog.

i know you probably dont know what a blog is, but thats ok. i do. and i will write it for you.

basically its like a newspaper column except its on the web and there are links that will take you to different web sites. and its chit-chatty like this, and its run and gunny like this, and it’s quite probably the future of rock n roll

like this.

what id like to do in the cubs blog is give people an idea of what it’s like to be on the road with the most loved team in sport. what the grind is like, what the lifestyle is like.

how bull durham it is.

of course i would write every day, several times a day. i’d interview the players, the fans, the coaches, the bartenders, the opponents, the celebs, the politicians, the vendors, the parking lot dudes, the merch sellers, the coppers, and the hall of famers, and of course they would all tell me cool stuff that just doesnt make it in the daily paper (that owns you) every day.

but it would fit quite nicely in the cubs blog.

and, no offense, to cubs.com, but theres lots of people who love the cubs who would Never go to a website to read about them because theyre not into the daily sports page thing.

but they would be into the daily blog thing because its different, its more man-in-the-street, but in this case it would be man-in-the-bleachers.

would i be willing to relocate to chicago to handle this one year assignment?

glad you asked.

yes.

yes, i would trade in my hollywood bachelor pad lifestyle and move into my moms basement to cover my favorite team for a year.

yes i would put all my friends and all of the hot chicks who write me and call me so i could follow them on the road and report on all the major league cities and their fans and the good places to eat and the accommodations on the road

because i lubs the cubs.

and this year is the year.

in fact thats that the blog will be called.

the year the cubs finally won the world series.

write me back,

tony

kate’s back + science blog!!! + bukkake

which is funny cuz neither of us like the phone and whenever we’re on we dont hang up. we just sit and blab and blab and blab.

the other night we were talking about beyonce’s legs and i am fully in love with beyonce and i couldnt care less about a hot girls body parts since parts is parts, etc.

but beyonce has some thick thighs and i cannot lie.

so because the world is far more judgmental about body parts of sexy sirens, i was telling karisa that beyonce needs to either quit dancing so much that her legs look so mighty, or she needs to stop wearing skirts like the one pictured.

and then karisa reminded me that in her Crazy in Love video she was wearing pants, and she still looked sexy cuz beyonce is one sexy beyitche.

and i knew i was probably going to write about this because i know there are lots of girls who would do anything to look like beyonce, thighs and all, and i cant blame them.

and i also wouldnt blame some if they misunderstood this to think that unless a woman is anorexic shes not attractive.

thats not what im saying.

what im saying is j.lo has a booty and we all love her, she might be the most famous woman in the usa right now.

what im also saying is beyonce has some legs that i wouldnt mind wrapped around my ears (with the expressed permission of jay-z, of course), but she is pushing the limits of what we typically see from our 22 yr old songstresses.

im ready for that jelly, but is iowa?

i know, i know, fuck iowa.

especially since beyonce would be the hottest chick in des moines, without question, even if she was 15 lbs of muscle heavier.

so yeah, when i say that karisa and i blab and blab about nothing, this is exactly what im talking about.

noah + ryan s. + muscle 68

i keep telling him that although nothing in here is true, theres no way i would mess with the comments other than delete the racist, and/or stupid ones.

and i must admit that i have a hard time believing some of the praise that gets heaped on me, but im getting used to it, maybe thats not the word, more comfortable is probably the phrase.

but i do need it.

i have terribly low self esteem.

hot young girl from an exotic land took me up on my dare and called me last night. cute drunken breathy voice.

i cant believe im talking to tony pierce, she said more than once.

love that.

i have a feeling she wanted to talk dirty but you wouldnt want to have someone tape me talking dirty and posting that shit as an audblog post, would you?

i wouldnt.

i can talk a good game on the phone. especially if the girl has a few things to say. but, come on, i dont even know this little angel and it could have all been a goof.

then my girl linda called. everyone called last night. it was nice because my home computer is still at my buddys house being worked on, so i found myself at home playing playstation, flipping through the tivo, being bored as hell.

i love writing, and i love working on my website and blog when i come home. i have so much to write and it’s totally freaky when i cant write. its like not having electricity or not having running water.

so the phone rang all night and last night i answered it for once.

linda was telling me this terribly romantic story of her and this guy she just started dating. i love linda. shes a prison guard. she kicks ass.

so the story that she was telling me started getting really graphic, and i like to do my dishes when i talk on the phone and i havent done my dishes in a while so i just let her tell her story which was pretty amazing.

problem i had with on the road was it wasnt dirty and it wasnt even in the least bit sexy. life is sexy. sex is sexy, sometimes. i had all these high hopes for kerouac and their freewheeling sixties adventures and maybe he was staying in the closet, maybe he was trying to be too cool, but i wanted more. i wanted a little spice in my chili. i wanted a little edge.

then anna kournikova called and im not talking to her. but she called and i still had some dishes to do so i picked up.

she didnt have much to say, she just wanted to talk. she knew the fires werent anywhere near hollywood but she used it as an excuse to call and ask.

do you miss me at all, tony?

i have to go, anna.

please dont hang up.

you know i have to hang up.

no you dont, i wont tell anyone.

i will though.

and here i am telling.

and to whoever said that blogger has a blog on blogger.com, if my blog was like that theres no way that any of you would ever come back here again.

and i wouldnt blame you.

cup o goodness + ben’s daily blarf + rabbit blog

link some excellent people at the bottom of the post.

yesterday mr. jason sutter wrote some super nice things about me comparing me to jack kerouac, a guy i tried to get into but never did. still it’s nice to be compared to someone who everyone loves.

and since jason was so nice to me, while i wait for playboy to contact me, i will offer my services to his fine company, the good folks of google + blogger.

i think blogger should have a blog.

weird they dont have one, huh?

i think it should be a lot like what je is doing at Makeout City except it would have pictures that would either be relevant images or screen shots of the blogs being discussed.

it would be a blog about blogs.

sorta like Instapundit but less about law and politics.

lets say a blog was writing about music. not only would i write about that blog’s take, but then i would take that take into a new tangent. same goes about sports. same goes about religion, same goes about life.

the idea would be to write about a dozen blogs a day. then a few times a week have AOL IM interviews with specific bloggers and ask them about their lives and how they put their blogs together.

i think the Blogger Blog should also have guest posts from experts who could give tips on html, photoshop, and writing.

i think the Blogger Blog could inspire other blogs to do things like what the Friday Five does, giving people topics to write about when they dont have any idea but they want to write.

and since google now owns blogger, one of the purposes of the Blogger Blog is to be, in a way, the google of blogs. that would mean that during weird moments like now, the left hand side would have links to LA and San Diego bloggers who are covering the fire. or during, say, the next world series, it could list bloggers from boston and chicago.

the blogger blog in many ways should be the first place that people would go if they wanted a good idea of whats happening on the blogosphere. sure, many blogs already do this, but most bloggers dont have 8 hours a day to take their time and go for it. most bloggers have jobs that keep them from blogging.

typically i would like to spotlight blogs who kick ass at design like my girl over at bluecad, or who end up on tv like my man welch, or who just kick ass in general like mindy who probably doesnt get written about much outside of the cam girl clique, which is sad.

i imagine at some point Blogger will have a blog about blogs, but right now i hate my job and playboy still hasnt sent over a bikiniclad represenative with a contract on a silver platter so i respectfully hereby throw my cubs hat into the ring.

i know she likes to read the busblog so hi winona, i love ya. keep your chin up, shorty.

went to the quickie mart. got a three dollar sandwich. gave the man a ten. he gave me back two bucks. i love the quickie mart so i figured, fuckit, have a $5 tip. money grows on trees.

still havent heard from playboy yet. wtf?

dont they know that im the assistant editor of what the LA Times called the most entertaining blog in LA?

and i know marc brown.

this is what i would do for playboy.com. steal the idea and i’ll kill ya. plus you wouldnt rock it as hard as i would.

playboy.com needs a doorman, a gatekeeper, a welcome mat. a blog.

it needs to be totally Safe For Work, which means tone down all the hoo ha. which means no boobies poking out all over. which totally means no pop-ups.

it needs to be at playboy.com/blog and there someone, me, will write each day about the goings on throughout the playboy empire. international and domestic. there needs to be record reviews, tips for men, movie reviews, interviews with playmates past and present. there needs to be an introduction to next months lovelies. there needs to be rock.

i imagine a black background and verdana typeface.

i see hot people.

there needs to be interesting current events being discussed, pornography laws, internet laws, guest bloggers, head shots, not bikini shots, but sexiness in the pictures that you could leave on your monitor as you walk away from your desk without being ashamed.

there are many many men, i would wager, who would read the playboy blog who might not read the magazine any more and who dont ever ever ever go to the web site. and there are the real fans who read the mag but have no good reason to go to the site. so they think.

the playboy blog will be a haven for all of those men, and the very special ladies. and it will be free.

within the blog posts there would be links to the articles and specials going on in the web site but there will be a disclaimer next to the link that will say not safe for work. maybe there will be a red bunnyhead for those links. pink ones for the safe links.

its all so easy.

there will be sports talk, but not crazy amounts, just enough. there will be discussions about anna kournikova, the hilton sisters, and christina aguilera. there will be exerpts of short stories, there will be ways to subscribe to the mag, there will be ways to get merch.

it will be a real blog for real people who like real things like the things playboy has always discussed and it will be up to its eyeballs in class.

anyway, happy birthday winona.

you can be a guest blogger anytime you want.

crispy duck + dawn olsen + no blood no foul