you will soon agree that i have the greatest friends in the world. no offense to everyone else and all their friends, but mine rule the galaxy and im so happy to have them and yesterday two of them got married and the weather was perfect and a band was set up on one side of the alter and a bar was on the other and people kissed and danced and ate and drank and theres no way i will do the event any justice, but i will try.
bonnie and charlie met at the newspaper where all of us worked at. one of bonnies friends said at the wedding on the mic that they “floundered” when they were first starting to date. far as i know that was the only time that they ever floundered at anything. theyve since both been absolute all stars, brilliant, and wonderful, and when they asked me to perform their service it was impossible for me to say no.
i was nervous for weeks about this thing. i had never done anything this important involving God before, involving vows before, involving peoples parents and grandparents and photographers and witnesses and things that people will remember for ever and ever before.
still i procrastinated worse than i have in years.
id never played more Playstation2 till i had to write that sermon.
got there a little late, realized that my notes werent going to fit in the bible, so i wrote them on a half sheet of paper as my friends, the corvids set up. the sight of the mexican blanket under the drum set comforted me somehow. all i had eaten all day was a spoonful of icing. the bar had been open for the people setting up the wedding, but i got to them too late, they shut it down when they realized that my friends were drunkards and they were in danger of all the booze being drained before the first guests arrived.
i coulda really used a shot, instead i told them that i was the preacher and could i bother them for a bottle of water. they obliged. thankfully i didnt have to use that card again all night.
hardest part of the show was getting people to sit down. i asked them nicely, i asked them not so nicely, but everyone was so happy to see each other there in the hidden courtyard in union station that they didnt understand that the deed was about to get doned.
finally they began to sit, i stood at the alter alone with my bible, i nodded to dan kern who tickled the ivories and charlie the groom in his black velvet suit walked down the aisle. his dad was still talking to his soon-to-be- relatives and charlie said, dad, sit down, will ya.
it was classic.
so then me and charlie stood there and i told him that i was sorry if my breath smelled but someone had given me a shot out of their flask and charlie said that was my flask and we smiled at each other and when he saw bonnie come down the stairway all decked out like a movie star from the 20s he said wow!
which is what you want to hear from someone who has known his bride-to-be for 13 years.
she walked down the aisle and everyone clapped, and when she got to me i gave them time to look at each other and i said dearly beloved and people sat down.
the rest of the service went by like a flash. i did my best not to talk too quickly, thanks to the advice of karisa and chris, but still if you blinked you would miss it.
the jokes went over well, the sweet parts landed sweetly, and at the end everyone was in tears. mission accomplished.
then the couple walked together up the aisle and into the train station and took the orient express to maui and i invited the crowd to the bar as the corvids set up.
we drank and danced for maybe six hours, and i went home in a daze. it was a beautiful event full of wonderful people.
i remember at the rehearsal dinner the night before meeting bonnies 90+ yr old grandmother who asked me to make sure the ring was put on tightly. after the service she told me what a good job i had done. being that she was a straight shootin texas woman, i believed her, tipped the bartender generously and floated home.