it’s this job. it’s killing me. when i first joined the xbi they said that it would wipe the smile from my face and it’s true.

wanted to slam chopper one into the side of the hollywood sign today. and just when i thought that i got called in cuz it’s raining here in LA, and as great as chopper one is, it fucks up in the rain. i dont know why. i used to care. i dont care anymore.

only problem with such a dramatic end is that the dumbass la times would call it terrorism, i wouldnt get to go to heaven cuz it was intentional, and worst of all it would be the end of the xbi cuz the wrong people would find out what we’re up to.

its not helping that im reading this kurt kobain book.

its not helping that every criminal and his fucking brother is in town right now for some reason.

doesnt matter how much crime we stop or prevent or fuck with. it doesnt matter how many asses we kick or heads we bash or miracles we create or shit we mop up, it never ends. wave after wave.

its like a toilet that keeps overflowing and it stinks and when youre done the lady says that we fucked up her carpet. its like what?

i cannot be in this job come january. thats my new years revolution. i’ll move to georgia if i have to. this place makes me sad and made and it makes me give up all hope.

people ask why i dont send out samples of my writing to newspapers or websites. and they forget that i have done that. ive even gone to lunch and had drinks with some of the biggest entertainment mags in the world. and guess what they reply with. zip.

we dont want your ass, tony.

ideally someone will read this blog, or the site, or an article– or their assistant will and they’ll say, fucking a boss, this is the guy, this is whats missing in all of our shit. and they’ll call me up and they’ll offer me something and it will get done.

thats why i send out these tongue-in-cheek posts to the planet. thats why i write these s-o-s’s to the world.

you are so fucked up if you are the one who has to chase them. so fucked up. they want you to be like everyone else. they want you to be like the associated press. im not like anyone, and im definitely not like the associated press.

how long would hendrix be able to play in the eagles? a day. two days? eagles fans would boo him. im getting my ass booed in the xbi. people like me, but some are like, huh?

they dont get it.

they say, how can you be a crimefighter and you dont want to kill anyone? how can you work for us and you dont want to steal from the thieves? how can you do this work and be a Christian?

and now im saying, shit, i dont know.

i would write for anyone. i would play rhythm guitar for the dumbass eagles with my prince sign o the times guitar and i would sit in the back and waste my life and play c-g-a like a bitch.

this job has made me appreciate sanity cuz there is none here.

its awful.

this chick wanted to netmeeting with me today and i had to say no cuz i was flying back in and she said how about tonight and i said ok and a different girl said i could do her tonight and how can you get those sorts of offers and still be so depressed you just want to take off your helmet and cry in it.

work at the xbi for a while and you will.

i promise.

310-990-7444 + tina + alecia

a sport so dull and pointless that only the fans are worth watching.

a game thats far more interesting when children are playing.

an activity that donkeys can enjoy, with more interesting strategy.

but i do like this idea of pulling down ones pants if youre upset at your boss or the referee.

78. mist

today i had to kill a spider.

he was in my shower.

i dont like to kill anything, which is ironic because at the xbi we have to kill all the time, and now they want to give me a promotion.

i had to kill this spider because he was in my shower and he couldnt get his way out and he kept slipping and i was all, shit man, and i just pointed the water at him and he struggled, and tried to find shelter on a rubber duckey, but then he balled up and got stuck next to a piece of soap and then the current got him and down he went into the drain.

if i hadnt been running late for my ride in to work, i might have picked him up and tossed him into the garden, but as i say i was late for my ride.

so another mta bus strike casualty.

fuckers.

i dont like killing things because i believe that life is a miracle, and the spider doesnt know that its my house. nor do the flies or the ants or the moths or the antelopes.

so usually i open the door and shoo them away.

and usually they tip their caps and never return.

so today i feel so bad about this spider, so i told ben, who has been driving me to work and back, that i will dedicate this blog entry to my little 8-legged dead visitor.

and ben said that it was a good idea

since most spiders who get dead at the hands of a shower dont get any props.

farewell, lil guy.

madpony + dc + kzug

230 hour tivo i forgot to get dave interviewing madonna tonight.

i was busy listening to the new corvids cd that happened to fall off the back of a truck and typing sweet nothings into little hot boxes of honeys who dont really know me.

i saw a few things written about me today on the innernet and its really nice, but if people want to parody me they cant forget about the love i have for my friends. its sick.

a bunch of them make up the corvids, the new sound of rock.

start off with the rhythm sextion of tsar

then get layne and welch in there.

then let axel shred.

simple really.

its real music, america. its what wilco keeps shooting at but misses beautifully.

its what ryan adams would be if he was better lookin and not so sad.

its what tom petty would be if he didnt have so much money and all that pressure of writing another breakdown.

on one of the songs my girl jeanine sings way in the back. she co wrote it. shes so great.

its what the stones would be like if they werent a hundred and if they still hadnt found what they were looking for.

whats so fucking weird about this record is its so smooth it could be on the radio right now and youd never know that it was recorded over the matter of a few weeks, but thats what you get when youre super tight friends whove been making music together since before the cotton gin.

and axel

damnit man.

i played a few tsar songs for this girl the other night before i sent her on her way for being too cute.

and she was all shit tony!

and im guessing its cuz tsar understands the importance of guitar solos.

fortunately so do the corvids.

which is polish for rock hats.

it makes me want to shoot up with ronnie wood and just stare at keith nodding

it makes me want to start a music video channel and then become a video director

it makes me want to steal i mean find a few more of these off the back of that truck and give them away as gifts.

too bad christmas aint any time soon.

too bad theyre not for sale nowhere.

too bad nobody likes good music no more.

too bad this thing’s so damn good.

pre order the corvids “fought down” + layne + welch