had to spend all day in colorado. the judge had to figure out if it was ok to let the jury know that the accuser chick was taking anti depressants and had tried to kill herself twice before.

does it matter if the accused is crazy?

i don’t think it matters.

rape is rape.

so the question is, then, can a crazy and suicidal persons testimony be more trusted than an nba superstars.

in that case, i suppose i would more likely lean towards the sane person.

however, wasn’t kobe nuts to get married that young anyway.

so both parties are at least slightly unstable.

therefore, if i was the judge i would tell the defense that i wouldn’t allow her “medical” records but i also wouldn’t allow the state to accuse number eight of being a dumbass for getting hitched when he did, which, when you think about it should also be presented to the jury if we’re going to show them Everything.

and if i was the defense i would let it slide

what with the traces of four previous men on her person

cuz everyone knows its fucked up to rape a crazy sad girl, but it’s nearly impossible to rape the willing.

you know i don’t believe that, but i just wanted to make the google-searchers feel welcome after i post this list of xxx search-result bait, otherwise known as

Porn Titles For 2003 Movies

inspired by treacher…

Fill Jill

Umph

Brotha Bears

Fellating Nemo

2 Sluts 2 Studious

Bad Pimping Santa

Lost in Fran’s Anus

Dominatrix Resolutions

May’s Tricks Get Loaded

Once Upon 3 Blondes in Mexico

X2 + Jenna = Twin Threesomes

Sims Online Sex Hotel Management

The Sex Ass Chained-up Mass Orgy

Sperm Don’t Hate Her: The Rise of the Schweens

Butt Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Hot Girls

Teen Cheerleader Runaway Lesbian All Girls School of Rock

jim treacher

i have a terrible crush on allison from melting dolls.

if only she knew i existed.

today she acquired and solidified and installed the domain name meltingdolls.com.

the other day miss montreal was over my house and i was looking at allison’s site and she was all, who’s that chick? and i was all, thats allison, shes from georgia.

miss montreal was all, damn shes hot.

i was like, yep.

and she said, do you think she likes girls?

and i was all, hmmm, i dont know, then i was like, hey i saw her first!

then we made beautiful lust, rested, and went at it again.

during which i uttered nasty things in her ear

things like

you want that little red headed georgia girl here now.

yes

what about NOW

oh yes.

what about TOMORROW ughn

yes yes!

what about on superbowl sunday?

oooooooo yesssssss.

and then we finished, i hosed off, and miss montreal blew her dog whistle and her limo pulled infront of my gates and she went home.

my aim’s so not true.

meltingdolls.com + dogboy + allisons sister

what the hell happened to me

warner bros. records

“the chanukah song”

Okay…

This is a song that uhh..

There’s a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..

not too many Chanukah songs.

So uhh..

I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don’t get to hear any Chanukah songs.

Here we go…

Put on your yarmulke

Here comes Chanukah

So much funukah

To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights

Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree

Here’s a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me

David Lee Roth lights the menorah

So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli

Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli

Paul Newman’s half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half too

Put them together, what a fine lookin’ Jew

You don’t need “Deck The Halls” or “Jingle Bell Rock”

‘Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke

It’s time for Chanukah

The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs

Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew

But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby

Harrison Ford’s a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is

Well he’s not, but guess who is

All three Stooges

So many Jews are in showbiz

Tom Cruise isn’t, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica

It’s time to celebrate Chanukah

I hope I get a harmonicah

Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah

So drink your gin and tonicah

And smoke your marijuanikah

If you really, really wannakah

Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah

Happy Chanukah