the internet has given me everything. right now im listening to Eamon’s “fuck it” which… well… how are you gonna hear that on the radio. at work we have itunes. lots of people are on it. i listen to music i wouldnt normally listen to OR download like billy joel and thats a true story that someone asked me to turn it down. piano man. im 110 years old but im still not so old that i would ask someone to turn down billy joel. i think its funny.

today was hard for nearly everyone i talked to. its earlier than 11pm and my truest is asleep. one guy asked me to come in to his office today so he could vent. i dont blame him. i had nobody to vent to today. i had you. i did vent. i do need a new gig. this one is so over. at first i thought i was gonna get killed or fired or comfortable. now im just afraid its just going to age me overnight.

bowled today, next to two super hot girls. well one super hot girl. she was jamaican. as dark as the darkest chocolate youve ever seen. curves that were so natural and nice. tas for you and me. but not a black girls butt which bothered me a little but that skin. you wanted to take a semi sweet yet bitter bite out of it. and her hair started back on her head. nice forehead. did the complete curve before the hair. it was long and superblack. she had a gap sweater on. tight jeans.

at first i thought she was with the nba star. but no she was with the normal looking jamaican brotha. the pale redhead white girl was there with the shooting guard. i didnt care. she didnt seem to be sitting next to him. shes mad at him travis k said and i said shes not into him. thats not her man. he said how do you know. i said cuz im her man. and i waited for her to go to the bathroom or have a smoke or get a drink. but first jamaica bought a round and then number nine went out. never was she alone.

what would i have said?

i woulda lied and said she was the hottest girl in the bowling alley. seriously i would have said that i want to take her bowling at a real bowling alley would she come with me. and she woulda said yes and i woulda said right now and she woulda laughed and i woulda said ok how about now then.

way hotter babe is coming over right now. might be parking her car right now. she says she loves it when i let my aries side out and vent and i said i dont have an aries side and she said oh yeah you do remember that time you ripped me apart for being late and i was all oops/

below is my favorite collection of poems. i will keep it up one more day, and then take it down around lunch time.

today i wore my 1908 cubs hat. theres this mechanic that i see on rainy days and we talk cubs baseball and he and i ran into each other in the ammo locker and he was all and i was all and we were gonna high five

but instead we hugged.

still hasnt sunk in

the cubs have greg maddux

dougie gyro + wormhog + bloopy

i dont know who you are. i dont even know if you read this. i hope you do, but i doubt it.

i have to quit this life of crime

fighting.

when it rains like it does today i dont get to fly chopper one. i get stuck in a car. driving around. talking to our marks. shaking down our stoolies. like peter gabriel we shake the tree.

this is the part of the job that i hate.

the muscle. the strong arm. the beat down. the ooomph.

if you dont sign me up to work for you im going to do the unthinkable.

im going to be a highschool english teacher and turn my back on the world.

im going to marry a cute little woman and get a minivan and sell out and harvest kids that look like me and go to soccer practices.

this rocketship of rock has been sitting on the takeoff platform for some 79 years and it is ready to blow.

let it be known. i am ready to rock and i have been ready to rock for quite some time.

ive tried to distract myself with Lick and the ladies and charities and haircuts and baseball and rock shows and liquid courage but at some point a motherfucker has to tap out.

i want a job where i can rule the world.

i want a job that will pay me more than any showdog can jump over.

i want a job where i can use whatever this is that ive got and share it with the good people of the world.

i want a job where i can see a rainy day like today and say i know lets go to the mall and talk to the old ladies and ask em about moonshine in the 40s.

i want a job where people dont come up to me and say, would you mind turning down that billy joel, its too loud.

yes that happened to me.

i want a job where the management actually knows my name and remembers where i came from and where i want to be.

if i cant get that, then fuckit, i’ll grade the stoners’s shitty ass essays about catcher in the rye and get my summers off.

this is the gospel of the dumbass.

o dub + billy fro + ten gallon hat

and not only that but it was a cool creepy tale of college and mysterious ghostlike creatures sending her strange messages via chalk and sidewalks.

i love ghoststories.

i also like it when people write the madpony and make her happy.

its raining here in hell aye. im listening to fitty duetting with beyonce. now its the darkness. now its my new favorite record, dave grohls probot with lemmy on one track. god bless lemmy.

if i ran vh1 i would run a lemmy tribute right now and get it over with. fuck waiting till he dies. whys a nigga gotta die before the man tips his hat to his shit? thats all i wanna know.

i wanna know if she’ll ever love me.

i want lemmy to cover whitney.

i also want lemmy to cover beyonces crazy in love. i see gold. probably platinum if you get the tower of power horns to back him.

lemmy needs to get on american records. rick rubin would know how to market his ass.

to me producing is half pimping. rick pimped johnny cash brilliantly. i dont know how he fucked up on the jesus and mary chain so poorly. its amazing that Lost in Translation has reminded people how good that band was. god i miss em.

speaking of music, as many of you know Frank Black, Black Francis, Charles Blahblah got interviewed by our girl Emmanuelle the other day. Then her french editors f’ed shit up. Then Frank found Em’s Buzznet pictures and sorta gave her a hard time. in her comments section.

some people think its cool that he would be using the internet to “clear things up”, but no. its not cool. its not rock. its not punk. its not cool especially when he knows damn well that Richard is her maiden name and he tries to call her Richard as if she was a man.

emmanuelle is a lot of things: hot, french, smart, funny, killer, brilliant, welch’s wife, and shes all woman.

frank black oughtta be stoked that the kids still give a shit about the pixies.

fat not really rock stars leaving comments on the internet is not cool.

whats cool is planet of sound, allison, covering the j&m chain, recording with albini, giving kim deal someone to sing with.

trying to diss good reporters in their pictures comments is kidstuff.

when i was in college i had the great good opportunity to interview on seperate occasions both ms kim deal and mr black francis. and to the surprise of no one kim gave the greatest phone interview ive ever had the pleasure of being a part of and fatboy gave the worst.

write some new songs, hit your high notes, and quit trying to manipulate the french music media, which no one, no offense emmanuelle, ever paid much attention to. even now.

madpony + spit circle + dirty fez