the headline read “gay lovers climb tree, then have sex”

nd instead of the obvious, the first thing i thought of was how can we get rid of that then in the headline? i have a terrible sickness. i want to write i want to edit i want to think about what should be written about i think about how it should be written. i desperately need to have interesting pictures. i do my best not to write about myself, but i fail horribly. then i have to remind myself the url of the busblog. this is mine. demons and doubters and devils beware.

today i wondered how much money it would cost to shut me up about a certain topic. i play fantasy sports a lot. im playing baseball now and im super frustrated because typically half of the league will stop playing before the mid-way point but it already looks like that number is increasing to 80% before the first month is finished.

in fantasy sports you are constantly thinking about trades. trade offs. betting on the future. leveraging from a point of strength. i won two out of four basketball leagues last year and one of em was actually challenging. the two that i lost were insanely challenging, probably because people actually paid.

to silence myself about politics is like trading a slow-footed third baseman who doesnt hit a lot of homers for the catcher of the colorado rockies. you should always go for the quick upside in fantasy sports because the clock is ticking.

in real life though, i hate sellouts. and even though i have no money i dont need any dumb money.

those two gay guys climbed a tree and had sex.

that couldnt cost very much.

so the obvious question when you see the headline gay lovers climb tree, then have sex is how much sex can two gay guys have in a tree? or is the obvious question is it interesting because theyre gay or because one is 17 and one is wearing a wig?

straight couples have sex all over the damn place, and you’d think as creative as the gays are they’d be having sex all over the place too. but i guess not because its rare even to see gay people making out. even in la. even in hollywood.

normally im against adults having sex with young adults under 18, but if the dude is climbing a damn tree to get some, that kid wants it. so let him have it.

very few people id climb a tree to bang.

xtina, mariah, anna, monica sweetheart, and serena williams. i know you thought id say my truest but we’d fall out the tree and go splat. at least i would.

today we formated the d: drive. by buddy jeff said right before you hit yes to the format say goodbye porn.

i said goodbye porn, and an hour later i had my 189 gig d: drive back.

and like osmosis, without much help from me, the porn of the internet has already begun to find itself into my computer.

welcome back, porn.

and if you dont think i havent thought about making a totally x rated blog where all i talk about is fucking smoking and drinking then you have completely underestimated me.

jusmare + sahalie + zulieka

weirdest day,

pardon me while i vent. fucking motherfucking ticketmaster fucking fucking fucking raped me again. as always as usual. howard stern gets fucked for saying hell i dont even know what he says. but ticketmaster gets to make as much fucking money as they want, mostly stealing from the youth of america.

got a hot tip while inbetween swings at this fucking chump today. he didnt want to tell us who his boss was. where the shit was. so my dude had him by the ears and kept bashing the back of his head against the wall.

he kept saying fernando marquez.

i was all its not fernando marquez beat his ass more. so he beat his ass more. blood was slowly building between his lips. but bro never stopped his stupid ass one gold toothed dumbass smile.

i said my fake name is fernando marquez motherfucker. thats where youve heard that name. im the fucking man. he said jess i know jew the fucking mang. so i said give me something else then give me something fucking else. give me a warehouse address give me a combination to a safe box. give me something.

and only in LA would some fucking straight off the boat, no check that, straight out of the back of a fucking tijuana pickup truck would some asswipe say

the pixies will be the special guest for the Coachella pre party at the glass house in pomona.

my dude had his dick out he was about to piss on the cuts he had carved on the fuckheads arms and shoulders. i work with the classiest gentlemen, i know.

i told my dude to chill for a second. he kept his dick out and took a long gulp of the half empty miller high life.

got back from the van and dialed up ticketmaster. i didnt see it. i said i dont see it you fucking lying sack of shit. dont make us both piss on you.

he said go to my homepage. he gave us his url and there it was.

pixies live in a small club.

so i got online and i fucking had to sign up to ticketmassah again cuz i hadnt been raped by them in so long, and there they were, two tickets for $30 each. i told my dude to untie the mother.

the only shipping options that ticketslavey offered was 2-day ups for $20, or 3-day for $15, or will-call for free. even though karisa doesnt ever have problems with will call, most los angelinos know that thats a fucking trap.

will call is the line that suckers line up in if they want to miss the show because EVERY fucking media motherfucker is getting in all the shows for free and they get their tickets at will call and theres never enough waiting for them, and they always want to talk to someone important and that asswipe is never around and its drama and the line Never moves. ever. if i ever wanted to take pictures of well dressed hollywoodians pissed off it would be in the will call lines to shows.

my subtotal was $95 because somehow Ticketmaster is allowed to charge $12 “convienence” fee PER ticket plus they get to pretend that UPS charges $14 for a 3-day delivery. fuck them and my lifelong devotion to the politician who calls bullshit on their monopoly.

but i will get the tickets delivered by monday probably, even though i wont be at home.

and we left the motherfucker bleeding and nude on the corner of western and hollywood blvd and he didnt bitch because he knew that he should be dead.

and then someone emailed me to tell me they sent me some money and that was super cool but i was all like what am i supposed to do with this.

and then someone else asked me to take pictures for them for $200 in a few weeks but my cameras broke. and now its 4:20 and i just want to go home but i cant because we got a call that theres a naked guy at the hollywood police department yelling xbi xbi which means we have to shut someones mouth. forever.

and i will tell you this about peer-to-peer networks. i seriously doubt i would have paid $100 out the door to see this band if i hadnt downloaded their Minnesota show of a few weeks ago, their first show in years and years and years – and was amazed at how great it sounded and how many songs i remembered and loved and loved and loved.

even if they forgot to jam the one about the superhero named tony. i believe its called tonys theme.

we are full of shit + britcoal + kitty bukkake + sk smith

it’s always nice to get email.

but yesterday i got what might have been a drunken email asking me about my relationship with ms flagrant disregard and whether or not i had pissed her off.

dear drunken emailer, i have no idea whether or not i have pissed our miss splinky or not, but i doubt it.

the emailer also complimented me on my sports blogging, of which i proudly accept the kudos.

next time put your name at the end of your email so i can address you personally.

a commenter named Ian said he would fund my trip around the country/write a book/take pictures project as long as i didnt bushbash. if i accepted that i would be a sellout.

so im a sellout.

i would travel around the country and write about it and include a chapter or two about politics for $30k

i would travel around the country and write about it and not include anything about politics for $40k

send your check(s) to


4845 Fountain Ave. #15

Hollywood, CA 90029

what im thinking is a big book, each page would have a big picture on the left, and text on the right.


people have written in and asked why i havent talked much about the Lakers.

easy, cuz their season only just began.

their preseason that is.

and once they get done with Houston, their real season begins.

j-mo + danielle + science blog