went to the dentist today.

brian wilson delicioushuge mistake. the dude was cool and all. everything was fine. just sometimes you end up at the right place at the wrong time.

i left the place just wanting to die. every single one of my teeth has something wrong with it. it was like a bad dream. the lights were bright and i had to hold a mirror up to see and they were on the tv all yellow and gross and sick and disgusting.

five grand to fix em up the lady said and i work for a living. how am i going to get five grand to fix my teeth. and another thing: my teeth have never looked all that great. ever.

so the lady had me apply for a dental credit card through citibank. that was embarrasing too cuz working for the xbi ruins your credit.

so we had to settle on a root canal in a few weeks which will drain my insurance in one swell foop and i got on the bus right in front of the larry flynt tower in beverly hills and i thought so this is why the guy has naked chicks pissing in the pages of his magazine, so when he walks into situations and it all boils down to money he can say groan, “charge it.”

plus i hadnt eaten all day. as in all day. plus i hadnt slept all night. plus i could feel a disturbance in the force bigger than me and hark, the cubs got one-hit by big fat jason schmidt up in frisco

and in a perfect world today i could pick anywhere to be and it would be at pac bell park which is called something different now and i woulda written you from frisco and told you how life is there right now and i would cover the cubbies for your asses and i would be blogging right now from the 500 club with a full belly of a nice burrito from 24th and mission. el faro lito. mi amore.

theres a pretty girl sleeping quietly in my bedroom right now. she looks like a painting from a 50s watercolor from the changing room of a boutique on montana in the 60s. her eyes will devistate you and her lips will make you believe in fairy tales and her ass and her legs and her neck and her hands on your head and her toes and your legs

in two weeks i will have called california home for exactly twenty years.

in illinois i was part of the state’s best highschool marching band, i kissed mary huber, and i kissed laura hesterman, and tracey degrazia.

other than that, everything cool that ive ever done, i did in the golden state.

and if my teeth are beginning to rot its because ive eaten up every day here

and i’ll get plenty of sleep when i retire in vegas.

50 fishy circumstances about the nick berg beheading + mc brown + jack bog

was up till 430am last night writing that salman rushdie thing.

i dont know what it is about my body but if we’re up writing all night it doesnt need any sleep, really, to revitalize. but if we’re drinking then we’re fucked.

i knew i wasnt going to get that many comments and i knew instapundy wouldnt bite. he sorta did but not really. not in a cool way. not in a smart way. just in a dumb boring way.

when i was younger i had heroes and idols. i had people who i thought did it right or knew something that i didnt. i was wrong. for a while i thought teachers knew something and you should respect them for even being there, but nine out of ten times i was wrong there too.

and then there were the bosses, vice presidents, and so ons who i respected in the workplace who i always gave the benefit of the doubt to, but alas, it turned out that they were fuckups like the rest of us, not particularilly perfect for the situation at hand any moreso than we were in our little world of shit.

its when i write something like “the president’s uncle just got busted for making it easy for the saudis to fund 9/11” that i realize how many courageousless conservatives i have who read my shit. and i realise that its not always in your best interest to insult your core audience but i’ll tell you whats truly not in our best interest and thats to let anyone, dem or repub be allowed number one to have access to 95% of all the banking done by the the embassies in washington dc, number two, allow the ceo of a major division of that bank to be the brother of a former president and the uncle of the sitting one, and number three play partisan games when it is something directly related to the greatest tragedy on american soil since the civil war.

but you motherfuckers dont give a fuck.

you think this is all a huge college football game.

go blue!

this shit has never been a huge college football game where you root for who your daddy rooted for because his daddy rooted for them.

this shit, if you havent “logged on” to the internet is some serious stuff, which in act one involved huge buildings (and the pentagon) being smashed into with suicide civilian airplanes; in act two bodies were being dragged through a bombed out town, prisoners were getting things shoved in their asses, psychosexual mind games were being levvied on those who we volunteered to “help, and the curtain fell with a surprise beheading.

its not like any college football game that ive ever seen. its actually like Nothing ive ever seen. and whats particularilly interesting is that even though the quarterback continues to fumble the snap theres no sign at all of him being pulled from the game even though his fuckups are costing the team one billion points a day.

but the sportswriters keep typing go blue go blue and not wtf wtf

which in reality you would never see in sportswriting, which is why its the purist of all disciplines of journalism.

political writers have an agenda, and the courageous ones are honest about it. and the way that they analyze the political day is generally to reinforce their personal beliefs. and as long as theyre honest about it, alls fine.

entertainment writers are constantly fighting to appear cutting edge, intelligent, and right. theres not a serious established entertainment writer who would give bob dylan or paul mccartney a scathing negative review, and it would be rare to see the young writer gush over the two icons. it’s predictable and useless.

sports writers are encouraged to bash the home team. theyre expected to knock the leadership and monday morning quarterback the speech given the day before by the head coach. my kingdom for a quote from drudge ever writing that bush fucked up on any speech or any big program ever.

yet the sports writer will turn his back on a pete rose, a sports writer will crack jokes about a mike tyson, and a sports writer will come right out and say shaq’s crappy free throws are killing the lakers.

but good luck trying to get a conservative to write that bush has no clue how to turn around this economy, has no clue how to get us out of this war, and has no clue how to stop this neverending trainwreck.

because they are under the delusional belief that their sorry excuse for writing

could acutally hurt

the home team.

and this idiocy is tripled when you’re talking about a blogger.

gmail swap + suburban nights + lick blog

why i write

by tony pierce

for the hotties. right, mr. rushdie?

mainly. but also because my hero the instapundit, doesnt seem interested in it any more.

over the last few days two incredibly juicy stories about the never-boring Bush administration popped up and very few of my favorite warbloggers including the mightiest one chose to even acknowledge them.

the first happened on friday when President Bush’s Uncle, Jonathan Bush, (his daddy’s brother) found himself in a Saudi money-laundering scheme.

Uncle Jonathan works for Riggs Investment Management, a “major” arm of Riggs Bank, who was fined Thursday for a record $25 million for violating anti-money laundering laws when it failed to report millions of dollars of cash withdrawls from Saudi accounts.

Jonathan Bush not only works for Riggs, he is President and CEO of Riggs Investment Management.

“Riggs failed to properly monitor, and report as suspicious, transactions involving tens of millions of dollars in cash withdrawals, international drafts that were returned to the bank, and numerous sequentially numbered cashiers’ checks,” the Treasury Department said last week.

Riggs Bank, the Associated Press describes as having a “near exclusive franchise” on the banking needs of Washington DC embassies, serving 95% of them including the Saudi one.

of course.

so where’s my favorite university law professor on this one?

bro gets 150,000 hits a day, more eyeballs than most local newspapers, doesn’t he think that any of them would be fascinated to learn that the president’s uncle, the brother of the first george bush, is the CEO of a company that is very closely tied to monies that may have funded some of the terrorist acts committed on 9/11?

i mean, fuck, man.

the last time Riggs was mentioned by the instapundit was about six weeks ago when Newsweek reported that the feds had identified about $27 mill in suspicious transactions from the Saudi Embassy through the president’s uncle’s bank. Transactions that included “hundreds of thousands of dollars” to muslim charities being investigated for funding terrorist activity.

“keep tightening the screws,” the Instapundit typed.

last week they did just that, and what does Prof. Reynolds choose to talk about today instead of this interesting lil tidbit of the $25 mil fine? oh, gay marriage, a link to a restaurant in manhattan that serves caviar omlettes, the debate over watching films in law school classes, and a few paragraphs on an article about an ROTC cadet in “Campus Life” which the most powerful blogger on the web sez is “pretty interesting”.

pardon me while i continue not to give a fuck about the opinions of a random rotc cadet via campus fucking life.

the feds said that Riggs didnt even pretend to monitor the activities of its richest client until they were forced to last year and then began letting the government know that the Saudis were wiring $461,341.72 in Jan of 2003 to the Muslim World League who has officials abroad who have been linked to al Qaeda, on top of the 25-30 other suspicious 2003 transactions that totaled over $25 mil.

i admit that im a hack.

i tell everyone straight out, dont believe me, im full of shit.

and i try to prove it by making up lies that super hot chicks come to my apartment night after night and watch tv with me, and party, and get naked, and make sweet lust to me as today’s sounds play through my computer.

but the instapundit is supposed to be the real deal.

smart and stuff.

which is why when i hear about such bizarre fucking dealings going on between a new Bush and the Saudis the first place i go to is prof. reynold’s incredibly popular site.

and people say to me, dude, he didnt cover rummy’s testimony earlier this month, he knocks kerry for anything he can, hes a shill, hes on the take, hes another foxnews guy in the making.

and im all, shut up, we had beers and talked about tractor punk a few years ago.

and they go dude.

and then they just go.

the other story was just some little thing from pulitzer winning investigative reporter seymour hersh who says that the cia tells him that rummy expanded a highly secretive operation originally intended to find Al Qaeda, to include the aggressive and sexual interrogation of prisoners in Iraq.

Hersh says, “The instructions were let’s get tougher, let’s use much more coercion, let’s use sexual intimidation because it’s� in the Arab world that’s the easy way to make somebody talk and maybe you can even get somebody so frightened he’ll go back into the community and become an asset.”

the article which will be published in the May 24th issue of the New Yorker is already getting reviews from the pentagon:

“This is the most hysterical piece of journalist malpractice I have ever observed,” said Rumsfeld spokesman Lawrence DiRita.

and yet not interesting enough for my boy glenn.

maybe if campus life covers it, the good professor might give it some pixels.

as does flagrant + and zulieka + but i would have definitely bought bunny a few stiff drinks this weekend