and i love mariah carey.

two girls were feeding each other french fries at the fairfax blvd carls jr about three blocks from beverly hills.

danielle and i were having lunch and she had never been to a carls jr which i believe in the south theyre called hardee’s.

basically a notch nicer burger king where you order and someone brings it out to you on a plastic tray at your seat.

i like the western bacon cheeseburger because they put an onion ring under the meat patty.

danielle got the chicken strips and kept saying things like do you know how much fat is probably in this.

i was all, but its chicken.

she said, cuz its fried.

i was like, chinese people eat shrimp fried rice all the damn time, and tempura, and theyre not fat.

she squinted her eyes and said what about buddah.

the couple across from us were ellllllllderly. and dude didnt get the concept at all. a lady was sweeping up and he was all are you a waitress are you a waitress. she was no waitress but she helped the couple and smiled cuz its all good.

danielle ate a fry and then another and then told me to get them away from her.

a lady in a nice blouse tucked into some smooth slacks sat alone behind me and across the aisle.

danielles eyes got big and she said omg that womans fly is down.

i was all shhhh

she said what should i do i have to tell her and i said no you dont.

and just then she got up and walked past us on cue and she got a newspaper and came back and danielle said did you see that.

and i did.

still i wouldnt let her say anything and she said should i write her a little note.

and i was all pdq

and she said what

i said pdq xyz, didnt you ever say that at school.

and she laughed at me right there in the almost beverly hills carls jr.

and i was all seriously and she said what on earth would that mean and i said i cant believe you didnt say this it meant pretty darn quick examine your zipper

she said, you lie.

and i said fine then, go up to her and say pdq xyz and wink

but instead of winking she pointed and totally ruined the perfect science experiment. again.

allison + it was jays birthday yesterday + random complaints

dear michael moore,

i seriously dont know why some people dont like you, but i like you.

i sorta love you.

i think your movies are terrific.

but deeper than that, i love how you make people yearn for 100% absolute truth.

people call you a liar in a way that you’d think that everyone else is completely honest.

they say things like, “im not going to see his movie about Iraq because he’s full of shit and makes up numbers, and stretches the truth and cherry-picks facts for his own agenda.”

as if you’re the only person in the world who does things like that.

and these are democrats!

the way i see it, in this movie thats coming out tomorrow, Farenheight 9/11, you’re in a dog fight. its you against the the neo-conservatives who have taken over this country. and you’re the Liberal dog.

the way i see it the Conservative dog, ken starr, bit and barked and pissed and cheated, and yes, lied, while doing everything it could to distract and ruin and take down Clinton for the entirety of the 8 years that he was successfully running the country. and still you’re more vilified and hated by democrats, and of course republicans, than he is.

you’re despised more than the republicans who sicked the ken starr dog on the president and had him jumping on the sliding glass door of the white house barking things like whitewater, travelgate, arkansas troopers, hillary’s gay, and finally when linda tripp barked monica they patted ken on the head and said good boy and let him pee in congress with the other yapping bitches.

so now youre the Liberal dog. and you’re in a dog fight against an administration that’s back to its old tricks of cutting taxes for the rich, dp’ing the economy, and whipping the country into a frenzy of fear. but they also did some new tricks like redeacting 28 pages of the first 9/11 report so as to protect the Saudis and how they funneled monies through Riggs Bank to fund the terrorists, watching oil prices soar, giving non-competitive contracts to Haliburton, and invading a country that had nothing to do with 9/11.

this is a dog fight against a pack of conservative dogs that started cheating before day one. remember the hanging chads? remember how thousands of votes were not counted, and other votes were disqualified, and other votes were ultimately blocked from being counted properly?

and we’re supposed to be all pissed off that you may have slightly edited your film in such a way that it’s not 100% accurate?

when was the last time anyone held any other film up to that sort of scrutiny?

Passion of the Christ made it seem like during the moment that Jesus’s soul left his body there was an earthquake in Jerusalem when any good Christian knows that there were four versions of Jesus’s crucifixion in the Bible, and only one version said that there was an earthquake on that day.

bitching that you, Michael Moore, aren’t 100% accurate in this movie is like complaining that there’s no way that scores of storm troopers couldnt pick off Luke, Princess Leia, Chewbacca, Han, C3-PO or R2D2 as they made their way to the Millenium Falcon during that first Star Wars movie.

youre a dog in a dirty fight. the other dog is definately deceitful and mistrustful, and ugly, and selfish, and solely interested in its own agenda. the other dog told the nation that there were definately weapons of mass destruction in iraq and that those weapons needed to be removed in order to protect america. and yet some liberals are trying to pretend that that dog’s inaccuraccy is on the same level as yours.

we just buried a dog who funded osama bin ladin AND saddam, who secretly gave guns to the contras AND traded arms for hostages, and not only do people not consider him a dog but seriously want his face on money AND on mt. rushmore AND call him the Great Communicator.

but you’re a way better communicator than that dog, and your “lies” arent nearly as destructive as his.

your innaccuracies aren’t even on par with their Mission Accomplished inaccuracy.

and Lord knows that your “mistakes” in this film aren’t even close to being on par with the mistake that their dog made when it was given the CIA briefing on August 6, 2001 entitled “Bin Ladin Determined To Strike US“.

me, i think youre funny. i think you’re a big fat movie director who has somehow revolutionized documentaries. and done so in such a way that Roger & Me was critically acclaimed, and Bowling For Columbine won an Oscar, and your new movie won Cannes and will probably be the first doc to gross over $100 million.

i think theres a reason why people stood up and gave Farenheight 9/11 a twenty minute standing ovation in Cannes.

and i think it’s because finally theres a dog in this fight worth rooting for.

and it’s you, you slobbering old lunk.

i just cant wait for you to take on Ticketmaster.

and i totally can’t wait till tomorrow.

you my dog,


the bambinos curse + now i wanna be your blog + buzzmachine