last night and you know what i did? i got home, i fixed myself a nice little drink, my dog fetched me my slippers and pipe, and when the delivery boy from the local italian place brought over my pasta with white sauce i tipped him enormously and turned on my tivo.

and guess what was on my tivo.

mr roger clemens pitching against mr mark prior. cubs + astros.

im a nerd. pretty big nerd. idiots misunderstand me and theres not much i can do about that. if i had kids id advise them to ignore the idiots whenever possible. but kids dont listen so fuck them too.

the idiots dont understand my nerdiness and if they did maybe theyd see my true self. some would think that i need a half dozen barely legal college girls to be happy, full email boxes of praise, and fat lines of cocaine on the bare bottoms of vacationing nba cheerleaders to feel right. but its so not true.

a little bacardi, a crispy slice of garlic bread, and thou.

thou being my cubbies of course.

i fucked up last year in october when the cubs were making their run for the world series and im still paying for it at the xbi but whatever. if thats all theyve got on me then im better than they give me credit for.

all i know is before id finished my first tumbler of rum n coke the cubbies were up by four at minute maide park, formerly enron field. and this is against the rocket, who at 41 years old had started this campaign 9-0. and again i state to the court that age is bullshit.

mark prior was shutting the astros out and it had nothing to do with the fact that he is 23. it had to do with the fact that he was getting healthy again. and his fastball moved and his curve was breaking, and his spots were perfect and his control was pinpoint and because some things were meant to be, like pb and j like shaq and kobe, like you n me.

prior was on fire and so was the scrappy todd walker who nobody wanted. who nobody picked to bat over 300 for the northsiders, but there he was in the top of the ninth a double away from the cycle and he pulled it left handed down the right field line and it was hooking hooking foul. damn. i guess he will hover at .280, but whats this, on the next pitch he sent it sailing over the right field wall for his second homer of the game. todd walker, lead off man.

and so the cubs have won their third game in a row.

and handed the rocket his first loss, a little forshadowing of what will happen in rocktober.

and my phone rang but i didnt answer it. and the computer hummed but i ignored it. and then the door knocked and it wasnt really a knock it was a tap so i went to it and saw it was clipper girls cousin and she said hi and i said hi and she asked if there was anything she could do for me on account of my hands and i said you could hold my hand.

so she did.

we watched a little tv and she asked if she could type for me and i said, its cool i can type and she said no no let me. so we went over to the computer and she sat on my lap and she wrote the little thing about linda and it was real sweet. and she made us some malts with the ice cream in my fridge and when i passed out in my lay-z-boy she closed the french doors, turned down the nirvana live dvd, kissed my forehead and excused herself to the guest room.

and in the morning i saw a lipstick kiss on my head and i figured it all out.

with a little help from the ceiling cam.

and tonight the lakers will remind the pistons who’s zooming whom.

the deputy + vortexia + katie