the one i have with danielle is bizarre and bizarre.

yesterday we play-fought for a good hour over whether her dress was midnight blue or black.

every guy who we asked said it was blue.

the women looked closely and said it was blue, but after danielle asked them to look again they said, “oh yeah thats black.”

of course it was midnight blue (pictured).

the philosophy that men cant see colors properly is a danielle original.

shes full of shit like that.

she also takes insights personally.

when i described her dress i said, oh it looks like a japanese stewardess outfit from the 50s.

to which she crossed her arms and pouted and said, “dont make any more comments about my clothes ever again, you wrinkley shirt and jeans slob.”

i was all, dude, i loooove asian girls. in my heaven all there is are asian girls cooking me shrimp fried rice and binding my little girls feet.

i kid.

but i was all, babydoll, asian chicks + stewardesses is like male fantasy #1, only trumped by the teenage runaway cheerleader bus broken down in front of an abandoned hot tub factory.

still she took the description personally and negatively and gave me the silent treatment.

for a good thirty seconds.

today she didnt like the fact that i told her she looked a little haggared after she told me that she was hungover from spending all night at the new hollywood nightclub called El Centro where she had a run in with some of the beautiful people of LA who are neither beautiful or people: they are prefab androids devoid of personality or charm.

i was all, well you do look a little beat. to which she huffed and made me wait for her get her morning bagel with tomato slice and lofat cream cheese.

such punishment ive never encountered before.

i was forced to stare at her sweet ass for a good two minutes.

danielle keeping it real + jarvis + sean bonner