so dont pay any attention. and if you are inclined to leave a comment, just say something about how great karisa looks in this picture or that the cubs will be fine.

i feel like i have done so well in my life staying positive and staying happy and in turn that has kept me feeling and looking pretty young. but this xbi gig has done everything to turn that around.

i cant believe the girls i have been dating lately. amazingly hot and amazingly lame. i dont even talk about them theyre so disappointing. then i hang out with people like karisa and chris and i think, are there really only a handful of people who embody coolness and smarts and sexiness and fun and thats it? is the world so scarce?

i cant believe how people honestly think that george bush could be anything more than be a crossing guard. hes an obvious imbecile. i would love to see what episode of springer he would have been on if he wasnt born into the bush dynasty. is it wrong for me to think that if he actually went to nam he would have been killed by his own troop?

i cant believe that im 110 years old and i have no future outside of getting a masters. why cant i just get a good job and do things that way. why do i have to sell out and study poetry and then teach the youth of america. why cant i just work for a paper or a magazine or write a blog for mtv or maxium or sports illustrated or playboy. why am i such a loser.

who am i to complain. even if the xbi is dangerous (two people shot at me as i was getting off the bus this morn) and ridiculously low paying and just plain dumb, at least its a gig and at least it pays for some of the dental work im getting done and at least the girls are cute and willing and eager but is this why the good lord put me here? of course not.

am i here today to bitch? doubt it.

why cant tsar be on the radio and tv. why cant tsar get a deal that pays them zillions. why cant the cubs get it together. why cant people understand that i dont even want a car let alone need one.

my true love doesnt want me to call her that any more because shes afraid the new girls will think they dont have a chance. they have a chance. just be awesome is all i ask. just come over when you say you will. just pay attention once youre over. just quit holding back when youre topless. i mean at some point the green light isnt gonna get any greener. so rock bitch rock.

my neighbor is 91 years old and called me to help her with a lightbulb and i said im naked let me put on some pants and she said why bother kid just come over. and i laughed. her place smelled of powder and ensure. i like that woman. she showed me her fingers that had bent everywhich way and i thought i need to write more cuz who’s gonna type for a old black man who can think of nothing more than stories for boys from a day when a man could challenge another to a duel after removing the bullet from his vest and letting the bus pull gently from the curb.

a day when that man shoulda missed his shot since he was hungover from the beastie boys show but a day when that man didnt miss cuz some things some men are born with like absolute marksmanship fucked up pensmanship and the propensity to attract some of the lamest situations and characters who i swear try their best to outlame each other and themselves.

if i was a smoker i would quit today, if i was a druggie i would drink, instead im a blogger so i’ll whine.

chas + maggot + science blog