today i have another appointment to pitch a blog idea for a big time web site.

im terrified.

seriously terrified.

i can talk about anything. but when it comes to talking about myself for a job, i freeze up and freak out. i dont know why.

its my kryptonite. call me napoleon dumbomite.

for five years i was the manufacturers rep for philips/magnavox. i traveled around most of california, oregon, and nevada telling salesmen and managers and store owners why they should sell our products more, how they could sell them faster, and i gave them tips on how things worked.

after that i worked for webtv and microsoft doing pretty much the same thing.

for all of those companies i was one of the main people at the booths of trade shows like Comdex, CES, and local events. i stood out there with my stupid polo shirt tucked into my stupid Dockers and i answered questions about our products, our company, and the competition.

i loved it.

i even loved the hecklers. Loved the hecklers. just like how you see me handle the occassional jagoffs who try to leave negative comments in here, i handled people who tried to diss me and my company as i was making a buck.

god i loved the hecklers.

you will never have a more attentive crowd than when a heckler tries to fuck up your shit.

but pitching myself for a gig is really hard. the demons that rarely infest my head awaken. and even though i have landed a high majority of the jobs that ive interviewed for, it was a fight between the good angel inside and the bad ones.

today for example i have probably 50 ideas for how this web site should utilize a blog. i can get so deep with them, or totally surfacy.

all the demons are saying, if you keep it basic they will think its not a real thing. then the other demons are saying, if you present it as too involved, they wont go for it because they will think that its too much to do.

hecklers in the head.

so now im waiting for a confirmation of the meeting but i havent heard from them in weeks, and im getting deja vu of the last time i was justthis close to a dream job and justthatquick the lines of communications ended with no warning.

my astrology though says that good stuff is right around the corner, so thats hopeful.

UPDATE: just like that i got confirmation that the meeting will be tomorrow. if you love me, pray for me.

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