50 number ones

mca nashville

“i hate everything”

He was sittin’ there beside me

Throwin’ doubles down

When he ordered up his third one

He looked around

Then he looked at me

Said I do believe

I’ll have one more

He said I hate this bar

And I hate to drink

But on second thought

Tonight I think

I hate everything

Then he opened up his billfold

And threw a twenty down

And a faded photograph fell out

And hit the ground

And I picked it up

He said thank you bud

I put it in his hand

He said I probably outa’ throw this one away

Cause she’s the reason I feel this way

Why I hate everything

Well, I hate my job

And I hate my life

And If it weren’t for my two kids

I’d hate my ex-wife

I know I should move on

And try to start again

But I just cant get over her

Leavin’ me for him

Then he shook his head

And looked down at his ring

And said I hate everything

Said that one bedroom apartment

Where I get my mail

Is really not a home

It’s more like a jail

With a swimmin’ pool

And a parkin’ lot view

Man its just great

I hate summer, winter, fall and spring

Red and yellow, purple, blue and green

I hate everything

I hate my job

And I hate my life

And If it weren’t for my two kids

I’d hate my ex-wife

I know I should move on

And try to start again

But I just can’t get over her

Leavin’ me for him

Then he shook his head

And looked down at his ring

And he said I hate everything

So I pulled out my phone

And I called my house

I said Babe I’m commin’ home

We’re gonna work this out

I paid for his drinks

And I told him thanks

Thanks for everything

zulieka + iron mouth + deb

ncluding a report of a Cincinnati Enquirer eye-witness account of a “lockdown” during the count in Warren County.

he also goes on to discuss irregularities in Florida.

glenn reynolds via his msnbc column glennreyolds.com rebuts today in his peice called “Whining Doesn’t Win”

“Complaints about voter fraud have been the perennial domain of losers, though people seem less shy about sounding bitter and shrill these days. And now some disappointed Democrats — those who aren’t talking about seceding, anyway — are claiming that the voting was somehow ‘hacked,'” reynolds, the author of instapundit.com wrote.

and then he goes on to say that it “seems rather tinfoil-hattish to me.”

which is an insult in some circles.

obermann doing what reporters do, raised some serious questions in his report that can be heard here including the fact that some machines in florida’s broward county began counting backwards after it reached 32,000 votes.

wouldnt you think that the good professor would be the first to call for an investigation if it were his man who had lost in florida and a little light was shed on the fact that voting machines were suddenly doing the opposite of what they should be doing?

i recall how vocal he was about happenings that went down 30 years ago — one would think that dirty tricks going down a week ago would get just as much attention. dont you?

wouldnt you think that the blogfather would become a little curious when the results from the exit polls were dramatically different than the “official” count. were that many people flat out lying to the press about their support for the president?

it’s not at all interesting to the worlds most popular blogger that “Bush racked up more votes than registered Republicans in 47 out of 67 counties in Florida. In 15 of those counties, his vote total more than doubled the number of registered Republicans and in four counties, Bush more than tripled the number

“?

the fear that so many bush backers have to actually count the votes in bush presidential elections is also bewildering.

what are they afraid that we will discover?

don’t these educated men and women want to know the results, and prove to the nation that there wasnt any monkey business going on in the most important elections on the planet?

why must they resort to name-calling instead of demanding a full investigation?

why is it that they were supportive of investigations into Bill Clinton’s white water dealings that went on for years, but they’re not in the slightest way interested in investigations of our elections, which anyone can see are far from perfect?

maybe theres something to hide.

UPDATE: Parsing the numbers reveals a bizarre similarity in many of the Ohio returns.

metafilter thread + village voice explains how bush stole this election too + reason’s hit and run

to get a new girl to come over and spend the night.

lets call her martina hingis.

tall dark and bored bored bored with the lifestyle the pretty boys have served up to her year after year.

strolled into my humble home an hour late but i let it slide cuz i needed to clean up. she spent nearly a half hour looking at the pictures on my walls the books on my shelves and the video tapes in my drawers.

the whole time i kept thinking fucking a martina hingis is in my hizzie.

and of course the phone kept ringing but i had to pick up. first it was jeanine. then it was my truest. then it was miss montreal. then my mom of all people called. but martina was cool about, she kept pouring different cocktails for us.

soon she had me where she wanted me. tipsy. honest. fearless.

perfect tsar tv-watching mode.

not so fast mr blogger she warned and ripped off her breakaway warm up pants.

if only you knew how much of this is true

and a funny thing happens when a girl is this aggressive with me. i retreat like a bitch. it’s the craziest thing. so i backed up into my computer closet and tried to show her pictures of my neice, pictures of my youth, pictures i will soon be using on my blog.

but martina hingis didnt wanna see any stinking pictures.

until she saw a folder entitled xxannaxx

then suddenly she was totally fixated

got any pictures of she and i playing doubles, she asked.

i dropped my old fashioned but it bounced right back into my hand.

and then i knew i was dreaming.

and then tsar was on tv.

and then the pizza arrived.

and then i washed my hands, re-entered the living room

and then my friends, i ripped off my break-away silk pajama bottoms

and as the sistahs say, thats when the party started proper.

eight tsar tunes you can listen to + j. mo + mad mathias

my hundred monkeys broke out of their room last night while i was passed out and they went straight for the garage and cracked open the soda fridge.

i caught them this morning trying to defrost some rib roast.

they flung feces at me, but i had some of my own and im a better shot.

fuckers.

corralled most of them before kickoff this morning but i think theres one around here hiding cuz i can smell cigarette smoke.

during their rampage they knocked over the tommy chong bong and got bongwater all over my computer and now my box needs its button pushed and held before it will turn on.

and no, im not talking about clipper girls cousin.

so i tried to burn my porn real quick off my hard drive just incase this thing has a short thats dying to pop and fritz out this whole mo fo and the computer shut off about 5 minutes into the burn, so this might be my last dispatch till tomorrow.

this all might be karmic payback for not picking up the phone when the 90 year old landlady called.

it was her on tuesday who the firetrucks and ambulance was for.

on thanksgiving day she called me while i had a fork full of hot steamy soul food and she wouldnt tell me why but insisted that i come over.

i did.

she said her backdoor was open and unlocked.

gross.

got over there and she had me adjust her pillows.

she had locked herself inside her room. instead of a bedroom door she had a screen door. it was ripped by the handle so she could lock it from her side but if someone needed to come in they could slip their hand through the rip in the screen.

she really isnt that crazy.

she told me she was making a will, what did i want.

i told her i wanted some of her mothers original paintings.

she said, which ones. i said the ones youve been looking at all these years, and i pointed to the ones behind me.

there was a totally uneaten can of wet cat food on top of a table. it had been mushed at a little, and its consistency was sagging so at a quick glance it looked like a heap of shit on a plate. but it was just cat food.

her cat cowered beneath the table.

the place smelled of powder and she told me that she couldnt walk any more, that it was right where her left front pocket would be if she wasnt wearing a housecoat.

she said she couldnt walk anymore and showed me a little trash can where she said she would probably use

she said her new girl was black and good but wouldnt be around until monday

she said her doctor was out of town until monday and he had left the number to the doctor who was going to cover for him, but she didnt remember his name.

she asked if i was going to be in town this weekend.

i lied and said no.

just then the phone rang. it was her best friend in illinois. she had told me about him before. she said hi cliff to him and told him to call her later and he slowly said that he would.

i looked around. i liked her place.

she told me to go look in the living room for anything else that i would want.

she had old records, great old books. i wanted everything.

i returned and she told me to make sure i had closed the screen door in the living room.

i told her all i wanted was this old book of mark twain stories.

she said, is that it? that i had been so nice to her.

i hadnt been so nice.

she bought me a chocolate tort once.

she had me write down the numbers of people like this animal rescue guy who she wanted all the left over stuff to go to.

she wanted him to have most of her money cuz she loves animals.

good thinking, i told her.

she called a few hours later. i didnt answer. she knows a lot of people.

she also knows 9-1-1.

she said her biggest fear was what would happen to her cat.

when she called 9-1-1 on tuesday they told her that they would have to take her to the hospital. she said what about my cat, they said who cares about your cat.

so she didnt go to the hospital.

next day she realized that the animal rescue guy would take care of her cat.

i know if i promised her that i would take care of the cat she would give me everything that she has, records, books, new tv, 100 year old original american art that really is good

cases of ensure.

but i dont like cats.

even mellow ones who pretty much just hang out.

i barely like monkeys.

stereogum + accordian guy + cry of capricorn