i said thats funny cuz im not gonna shave it off until i get laid again.

she said well i hope you get used to it grizzly adams.

i said, you dont know what youre missing little miss muffet who sat on her stuckup.

she said, omg im so sure, im so not stuck up.

i was all, talk is cheap and so is that wine, drink up and prove it baby.

and she was like, im a lady so please dont call me baby, mr suave.

i was all, we can kiss without the stubble poking your smooth as a babys ass olive of olay skin

she went oh youre so slick is this what all the girls fall for?

and i went baby look at this beard, nobody has fallen for shit for a while.

and i puckered up real good and she looked at me

i opened up one eye and looked around

she was there, smoking

crosslegged

ashing on my new tj score

totally amused with my behavoir as one would be if one hadnt ever seen a monkey play the piano before.

jimi hendrix strumming on a boombox…

im waaaaaait-ing i sang

she inhaled again and laughed and blew a stroom of smoke away from us, leaned forward and gave me a peck.

i accepted and fell over backwards dramatically holding my heart

omg i said

quiverring ever so

omg

i got back up after some time and wiped the fake sweat off my brow

and said, omg agian and then ok i think im ready for another, just let me catch my breath

she said, we had no agreements about a second kiss

always be closing my dear i said and i rubbed my hands together, stuck my chin up and pursed my lips ever so un-romantically

and said, with eyes closed, no sneaking that toungue in there this time, i barely know you.

she protested, i didnt do any such thing! and ashed the whole marlboro light out.

crawled across the picnic blanket toward me

pushed me over

looked at me

and dipped down

scratching that pale skin

but not caring

and flashing the mexicans behind her

who nearly tipped their service golf cart over.

howard owens does some Rain Blogging

The LAist Interview: Tony Pierce

Followers of the busblog are given a virtual all access pass to what its author, Tony Pierce, is thinking and doing in and around Los Angeles. And Tony’s world within this city is a textured, unorthodox, engaging place to be. (Check out the FAQ Tony posted on January 06, 2005 for a busblog primer.) His insights into myriad topics can also be found on the printed pages of his newly published book, How to Blog.

Sticklers for grammar and punctuation best look elsewhere, but loyal busblog readers can’t get enough of these glimpses inside the life of a car-less resident who passionately lives Los Angeles to the core. Fortunately for us, Tony’s prolific blogging proves he’s committed to keeping his audience sated.

1. Age and Occupation:

111, undercover superhero for the xbi

2. How long have you lived in Los Angeles, and which neighborhood do you live in?

I have lived in LA on and off since 1984. I have lived in Venice, Santa Monica, Westwood, West LA, Atwater Villiage, and Inglewood. For the last 3 years I have been a happy resident of Little Armenia.

3. Where are you from?

A tiny hamlet 45 minutes northwest of Chicago

4. What are the best and worst transportation lines in the city?

Best: The 720 Rapid runs pretty regularly from downtown to Santa Monica via Wilshire. Bad part is you can go a mile or more without a stop so know where the stops are.

Worst: I love the red line but it doesn’t run past midnight and at the Wilshire/Vermont transfer spot the waiting train likes to pull away just as the commuters are running down the stair waving their arms frantically. If I can say fuck in this interview allow me to say fuck mta drivers who are cruel in that manner.

5. Please share some stories of romantic solicitations you’ve received from the busblog readers.

I’m not a handsome man. And I’m old. And I have no automobile. And I make very little money. None of that has stopped the lovely ladies of the Internet from sending me sweet gifts, photographs, and offers of romantic dalliances.

Yes I have taken a few of them up on their offers.

Yes, some were ridiculously young.

Every encounter was beautiful and bizarre and mindblowing and precisely the reason that young boys learn how to play the guitar.

God bless the Internet!

6. Is blogging still an addiction? If not, then what motivates you to continue the busblog?

Yes I am still addicted. But the addiction doesn’t motivate me. What motivates me is my job is really hard and during my 15-minute breaks it’s really nice to just float away into a different world where I have total control and where people flood me with compliments and love and nice attention. I can honestly say that if I was happy in my career a few years ago there would have been no busblog.

7. If you had to make a soundtrack of the busblog, what might some of the selections include?

Tsar, “Wrong”

The Replacements, “If Only You Were Lonely” and “Kiss Me On The Bus”

R.E.M, “Superman”

N.W.A, “100 Miles And Runnin’”

Jane’s Addiction, “Three Days”

Led Zeppelin, “The Immigrant Song”

The Donnas, “Take It Off”

The Corvids, “Worried”

The Cure, “Why Can’t I Be You”

Soul Asylum, “Cartoon”

Beastie Boys, “Shadrach”

they asked me 28 questions. click here to read the whole thing.

i had partied all friday night with sk smith and rep hilldale (d-tx), and that night i went to the baby shower. meaning for an alleged recluse ive sure been out of my house a lot.

many conversations lately have turned to ads on blog and why dont i have any. when pressed i can only answer that i dont know why i dont have them, theyre just lame or something.

while eating eggs benedict at the four seasons – jacket req’d – the jessica alba lookalike said you make so little money at the xbi, what if you could support yourself just off your ads?

i said, i might be able to do that now.

she said, well, doesnt having your career in the hands of the xbi scare you?

and i thought, when did i start dating smart again? please pass the parkay, dear.

so this morning i was standing in the rain waiting for the bus. the busses were late because even though they trudge slowly down wilshire on the sunniest of days, for some reason in the rain they find a way to creep even slower.

and the trains, as you know, despite being miles under this fair city, slither at a snails pace, meaning i was late for the xbi.

the biggest no-no of all.

and i dont mind being wet. or cold. or splashed at by koreatown drivers.

but i thought about my date this weekend and what a nice car she drove and how much of a fucking bum i felt like

and then the rain really started to come down. no umbrella was going to block it. punishment for the poor.

my thoughts went back to our brunch and how lame my excuse sounded even to my own ears when i said

i dont know, im keeping it real

(she had asked why i couldnt take just a few ads to pay the car payment.)

her response: only the poor say things like that.

she was right.

but she wasnt finished. she said, they say that to feel better about their situation.

i touched her ankle with my sneaker, she blushed. footsies are so underrated. especially in swanky places on second dates.

especially as a device to get the ho sweet lass to shut her trap.

and the first bus arrived. packed. of course. thats what late busses do. they fill up with the wet folks who steam up the windows and stand so close to each other in their wet clothes that you may as well not even have a raincoat.

and the second bus arrived and everyone ran to it, umbrella points ignorantly stabbing whoever is behind them, which is everyone.

and the third bus arrived. not so packed, but no seats.

and i thought, but doc searls doesnt have any ads

and the mexican guy locking his dripping duct taped ten speed to the bus’s bike rack says in spanish when you have a hilltop home in santa barbara you can stop having ads on your blog

and i thought, but jeff jarvis doesnt have any ads

and the old black man in his polyester security guard uniform said, when you create the new Entertainment Weekly, and have a times square office, you can pull the ads from your blog too.

and the bus ran out of gas, or menthol, or whatever they use these days, about a mile from my work

and the arcade fire played on my ipod

and i thought thank god my readers dont give a shit about ads on the busblog – and they probably would prefer them to me asking them for their hard earned cash.

let the corporations pay, they’d probably say.

and its dark in hollywood today.

real dark.

oak park mastermind + buzzmachine + ed adkins