people of earth. you obsess about your weight far too much.

havent you realized nobody cares?

havent you seen people like Oprah go from fine to fat to fine again and make billions along the way?

havent you seen that there are just as many fat men as fat women therefore everyone cancels each other out?

or is it your health that youre worried about?

i dont think the mantra that i hear every friggin day of “i need to lose some weight this year” has anything to do with health else people would be saying, “i need to eat less crap this year.”

havent you seen that skinny people are just as fucked up as anyone?

i went to cancun for new years eve and you know who i saw there? fat americans.

i went to the swankiest hotel in all of hollywood last night and you know who i saw there? fat movie execs talking to fat businessmen.

the fat have it better than they think. but theyre not enjoying it.

fucking enjoy it people.

eat that pastrami double cheeseburger at carls jr. you know you want it. shit, i want it. who doesnt want it?

tsunami can come and fuck us all up, so live people LIVE!

dont you remember to the guy who invented the atkins diet? what was his name? doesnt matter? fucker got a heartattack.

arent we all gonna get heartattacks and die?

if im gonna die of a heart attack i want them to cut me open and see a McRib in there and a bananna split.

and a smile on my face.

die with your bib on, babies.