saying Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is becoming the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.”–REVELATIONS 18:2

Richard Nixon is gone now and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing–a political monster straight out of Grendel and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Gerald Ford, the unhappy ex-president who pardoned Nixon and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Ford, who believes strongly in Heaven and Hell, has told more than one of his celebrity golf partners that I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon.”

I have had my own bloody relationship with Nixon for many years, but I am not worried about it landing me in hell with him. I have already been there with that bastard, and I am a better person for it. Nixon had the unique ability to make his enemies seem honorable, and we developed a keen sense of fraternity. Some of my best friends have hated Nixon all their lives. My mother hates Nixon, my son hates Nixon, I hate Nixon, and this hatred has brought us together.

Nixon laughed when I told him this. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I, too, am a family man, and we feel the same way about you.”

– Hunter S. Thompson, Rolling Stone, 1994

today was supposed to be kurt cobain’s birthday, not hunter s. thompson’s deathday.

but life isnt fair

and sometimes the craziest things happen to the craziest people.

if youve never read fear and loathing in las vegas i guess this would be a good time to pick it up, not because of the outrageous drug abuse, which i seriously doubt

but because its simply one of the funniest books you’ll ever read.

i dont know if my buddy w. patrick whalen is out there but if he is and was interested in writing a proper hunter s. thompson obituary for the busblog readers, and therefore civilization, he should email it to me at busblog at gmail dot com

in the meantime i will tell you that no way would i have been able to write the best part of how to blog which were the stories of kurt cobain taking me to hell than if it werent for two huge influences in my life

kurt cobain
hunter s thompson

punk rockers who at some point said thats it thats enough

this is a hell story that didnt make the cut into how to blog, my editors found it too dark.

todays a dark day, so it’s chosen

one of the strangest surprises of being in hell is the fact that you can have sex.

of course you cant always get it up.

and your schween isn’t very big.

and most of the only girls who will do it with you have hair in the wrong places.

and bad breath.

and oozing sores.

and sometimes spare testicles

that ooze.

but it is sex.

only place you get to have sex, however, is in the sex palaces.

people pay big money to watch people have sex in the sex palaces, because it is the the strangest show in the universe.

everyone in the stands are given flame throwers.

if the fans don’t like the “performers”, they get to flame throw them.

the winners get flame thrown too, but the couple get to kiss first.

ive had sex twice at the sex palace.

the first time i got flamethrown right away cuz i couldn’t get it up.

if you had seen this “woman” you would understand.

she tried to pretty-up her donkey tail with a pink ribbon but her ability to swat away the horseflies was not only disconcerting but distracting.

first they laughed while pointing at me

then i was fired upon with a bukkake of flame.

i was allowed to beat off on the stage of one of the sideshow tents, and yes i consider that sex.

terms change here.

there are 41 different words for agony.

theres a bunch of guys who run around telling you that they believed in God their whole lives, why would He send them to this pit?

and i tell them that i don’t know.

and these men cry right in front of me.

and i tell myself, it’s probably an illusion. your mind is playing tricks on you. it could all be a big fakeout. don’t trust don’t trust.

how do these people buy cotton candy here on the midway?

i don’t even have pockets.

or pants.

everythings on fire. i walk on hot coals and it hurts and my feet blister, but i just let the tears flow. it’s almost like photosynthesis.

the fire creates pain, the pain creates energy that gets released in locomotion and cooled with tears, which keeps the body moving.

its pretty fucked up.

the music is good though.

layne will write a great obit + as will welch + metafilter is already all over it

from annika’s journal

xxxx annika xxxxx: so do you want to do the interview now or later

dumbtp: now would be awesome
dumbtp: do you have the time?

xxxx annika xxxxx: k yah
xxxx annika xxxxx: im all nervous now

dumbtp: oh please, anything you want to delete, just let me know

xxxx annika xxxxx: i cant believe im talking to THE tony pierce
xxxx annika xxxxx: author of How To Blog

dumbtp: ahahaha
dumbtp: easiest book ever to write
dumbtp: its called cut and paste

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha. wanna write a childrens book and sell it on cafe press

dumbtp: have you tried making a book from them yet?

xxxx annika xxxxx: but i cant draw
xxxx annika xxxxx: not yet, it looks pretty easy, except for all the pdf stuff

dumbtp: transfering a word doc to pdf takes one tiny program. its a snap

xxxx annika xxxxx: i’ve been practicing my watercolor skills this weekend so i can do the book
xxxx annika xxxxx: my book will be a story about a family of rabbits
xxxx annika xxxxx: in space

dumbtp: how would they breathe?

xxxx annika xxxxx: havent figured that out yet
xxxx annika xxxxx: but they will have adventures
xxxx annika xxxxx: and maybe solve crimes and shit

dumbtp: put astronaut helmets on them from the 70s
dumbtp: i imagine theres lots of unsolved crimes in space

xxxx annika xxxxx: big fishbowl type helmets

dumbtp: exactly

xxxx annika xxxxx: of course there are

dumbtp: well i asked to interview you because i was very impressed with your last interview with whats his name

xxxx annika xxxxx: Matt Rustler
xxxx annika xxxxx: it was pretty fuckin long, but i’m glad you read it

dumbtp: you seemed like 109238741423324 times more intelligent than i took you for

xxxx annika xxxxx: hah, thanks i think

dumbtp: no no its a compliment

xxxx annika xxxxx: im a friggin genius
xxxx annika xxxxx: but i looove you 2

dumbtp: yay!
dumbtp: have you ever been with a black man?

xxxx annika xxxxx: um yah

dumbtp: nice

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha

dumbtp: what about a blogger?

xxxx annika xxxxx: lol, never dated a blogger befo
xxxx annika xxxxx: that i know of

dumbtp: i dont blame you

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha, it would suck if i read about all my eccentricities on the web

dumbtp: im sure they would come across as charming
dumbtp: are you very eccentric in relationships?

xxxx annika xxxxx: im a freak

dumbtp: control freak?
dumbtp: clean freak?
dumbtp: attention whore?

xxxx annika xxxxx: no, i guess i’m pretty normal, but it seems that for years now, i haven’t been able to go more than four months in any relationship
xxxx annika xxxxx: it’s always four months and out
xxxx annika xxxxx: i don’t know, it must be a magic number or something, but i get bored

dumbtp: what month are you in now?

xxxx annika xxxxx: i just finished my four months

dumbtp: and?

xxxx annika xxxxx: so i’m looking
xxxx annika xxxxx: haha

dumbtp: get out!
dumbtp: ahahahaha

xxxx annika xxxxx: Yah, Matt took that interview when i just started dating that guy
xxxx annika xxxxx: but its over now

dumbtp: ohh, im so sorry!

xxxx annika xxxxx: no biggie, it was my decision

dumbtp: seriously do you think you were bored?

xxxx annika xxxxx: yah, i’m hard to please

dumbtp: how many of these 4 monthers have you dumped?

xxxx annika xxxxx: hmmm, um the last guy, mike
xxxx annika xxxxx: before that was jason
xxxx annika xxxxx: then peter
xxxx annika xxxxx: so im on three in a row

dumbtp: thats not so bad
dumbtp: at least you see the problem and get rid of it

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha, true

dumbtp: what did those dudes not understand?

xxxx annika xxxxx: you know, i can’t really blame them.
xxxx annika xxxxx: Mike just had no ambition or interest in anything outside his own little world
xxxx annika xxxxx: not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that, but it started to bug me
xxxx annika xxxxx: like one time i was talking about current events and he said, “sorry, I guess I’m just not a news buff.”

dumbtp: ahahaha

xxxx annika xxxxx: but then i sometimes get carried away
xxxx annika xxxxx: still, what’s a news buff? Following the news is like breathing, not something i even think about doing, it’s so natural

dumbtp: so being buff isnt enough, now you want a buff news buff?

xxxx annika xxxxx: buff is good

xxxx annika xxxxx: Hey Jeff Gordon just won the Daytona 500

dumbtp: didnt he cheat on his wife?

xxxx annika xxxxx: i dont know, i dont follow racing, but my bro does

dumbtp: i was watching stefanapolis

xxxx annika xxxxx: George Stepopotamus, as i call him

dumbtp: i was waiting for him to talk about jeff gannon

xxxx annika xxxxx: for no particular reason

dumbtp: whats your take on that?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Well, i always liked Gannon, especially a few years ago,
xxxx annika xxxxx: but was very disappointed in his superbowl performance, and then he got injured

xxxx annika xxxxx: and now hes over the hill

dumbtp: so sad

xxxx annika xxxxx: seriously, when i heard the story about jeff gannon, thought they were talking about Rich
xxxx annika xxxxx: i was very confused

dumbtp: its hard for me to seperate the two as well

xxxx annika xxxxx: What’s the story anyway, Bush gave him press credentials so he could plant questions in the news conferences? is that it?

dumbtp: lets hope thats it
dumbtp: some say he was there because his boyfriend is the press sec
dumbtp: or that he blackmailed himself in there

xxxx annika xxxxx: What’s this about him being a male prostitute?

dumbtp: escort
dumbtp: $200/hr
dumbtp: or $1200 a weekend
dumbtp: which seems like a bargain

xxxx annika xxxxx: REeeealllyyy?
xxxx annika xxxxx: i never heard that.

dumbtp: how else can you get past the secret service?
dumbtp: and why would you have to pay a dude for something that half the press do for free?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Jack Bauer did it easily in season one

dumbtp: jack bauer is hotter

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha

xxxx annika xxxxx: Well, you know, who was that blogger that was fucking half of Washington

xxxx annika xxxxx: oh, duh, the washingtonienne

dumbtp: washingtonne, only fucked a quarter of dc

xxxx annika xxxxx: Sounds like there’s a lot of sex going on in that town

dumbtp: then why wont they let the rest of us get any?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Hey what’s your take on Wonkette, if i may ask

dumbtp: i think shes great
dumbtp: i wrote her two fan emails
dumbtp: she answered the first one
dumbtp: then she got super famous

xxxx annika xxxxx: i saw her on Charlie Rose, and Andrew Sullivan was rude to her

dumbtp: i missed that one!

xxxx annika xxxxx: he wouldn’t let her speak

dumbtp: i hate catfights

xxxx annika xxxxx: lol
xxxx annika xxxxx: but she had this bang thing going, where it kept falling over one eye

dumbtp: so hot

xxxx annika xxxxx: and she kept brushing it back
xxxx annika xxxxx: the guys i was watching it with were very turned on by her

dumbtp: why she isnt superdooper famous is beyond me
dumbtp: how come she and washingtonniette arent doing a sunday morning show on mtv?

xxxx annika xxxxx: that would be hott

tune in next time when we talk a little bit about iraq, basketball, and charles bukowski

danielle + leah + my old boss is in paris hilton’s phone book

friday night on hbo.

he said he couldnt get over the fact that the white house has ties

to gay male prostitution.

“i think i know what bush meant now when he said he had a mandate.”

robin williams simply could not be reigned in but what do you expect. but when he did hush for just a sec senator joe biden threw this into the mix

“Why isn’t every major network in the country investigating a security breach, forget anything else. How could the FBI, for 17 years I was chairman of the Judiciary Committee, the ranking member. I’ve read more FBI reports than I ever wanted to know. How could that happen and no one had any idea who this guy was?… The Judiciary Committee of the United States Senate should be investigating it. The House Judiciary should be investigating it. And if it were the other party in charge, it would be investigated.”

– via americablog

and i have a terrible memory but i forget if maher had “new rules” this week but i have a new rule.

new rule, you can wear a cross or you can dress like a whore, but no wearing a cross while youre dressed like a whore.

my mind can tolerate lots of concepts but virgin whore is not one that sits right.

i love christina aguelera more than i probably should.

i think its fascinating that we are far more obsessed with britney than we are in xtina even though britney cant sing cant dance isnt as hot and does nothing interesting with her look.

meanwhile christina sings her ass off does everything in the book to get our attention even touring with justin timberlake and janet jackson trumped her on that him as well.

word is she didnt even fuck em.

maybe she is a virgin whore

after all.

still, rockers, porn stars, hotties who come by in the wee hours, im not interested in seeing the symbol of my spiritual life resting between your exposed breasts.

or fishnetted breasts

leave it in the voting booth where it belongs.

bored housewife + inhale + zhi yang + put ian on survivor