trust me im not that big a deal.

some send cds, some dvds, some send themselves.

they all want to be mentioned in the busblog.

its very nice.

recently someone sent some coupons for a netflix type organization. the nice part about them is that they are the xxx version of netflix. xxxflixxx lets call them.

xxxflixxx has a ginormous catalogue of new and old adult dvds, which is great for a guy like me who enjoys seeing people dressing sexy and talking sexy and being happy, but because ive been busy saving the world the last 78 years i havent been able to watch kid films let alone adult films.

this company has been very generous with what i can order and because they want me to test out their system they tell me that i can order and return anything they want as much as i want.

since i dont know what to order i usually choose by name of the film.

the sopornos caught my eye, but wasnt very good.

an officer and a gentlewhore got my vote, but that too was of poor quality and the actors didnt seem to know their lines.

last night i came home tired and wet from the huge rainstorms that have been beating on our fair city and i saw a dripping wet package at my door.

i opened the familiar dvd case and there it was

75 Nurse Orgy.

how can you lose with such a title?

sadly friends, you can lose.

it wasnt 75 nurses going nuts, it was small groups of 5-7 nurses smiling and laughing and, well, some things were lighted a little too well, some things didnt need to lit at all. and so yes, 12 scenese starring 5-7 “nurses” does add up to 75 but it was cheating.

they even shared uniforms.

in every scene there was a nurse in a pink outfit, one in a blue, two in white, etc. just like in every other scene.

some of these women didnt even look like nurses!

i was very disappointed and returned my dvd first thing this morning.

great concept but my only suggestion for xxxflixxx is that perhaps they can hire a bunch of experts to recommend films. im not sure how they can do it but some of us know nothing about this genre and maybe we can fill out some sort of questionairre and we can — aw forget it, i’ll just go back to chosing films the olde fashioned way – waiting for the girls to get on howard stern and ordering it from who was cool with howard.

im off to get a crown for my tooth. wish me well.

i will return bankrupt but with a fairly new tooth that cost the price of a used car.

betablog + the overflow + sutter

pink haired girl

you come to me and how cant i fall in love
pouty lips and complaints
my god the dance
of looks to your toes and back at me
i know my eyes
arent made of bad memories
and still you flinch
i dont even mind the boring brown lipstick look
and powder guck that you seem to adore

and of course i see thru those sunglasses
move your fat ass and quit acting
like your velvet panties i wanna see a girl
not a music box ballerina whose
never been fingered in a backseat valhalla
how long you been in america

fairies are fun but come on
and i wondered what old ladies
who brush their poodles looked like
when they were in art school

bacon whores + buzzmachine + flaming mound of shit extinguished after four months

i will seriously cover baseball in the busblog. the national pastime. the reason for everything. what seperates us from the monkeys.

baseball. where two words evoke more hope and good feelings than even “free beer”

pitchers and catchers.

the palm reader said she had good news and bad news for me. i said give me the good.

she said you will have a beautiful girlfriend who will be loyal and bright and openminded and honest and giving and risking and wonderful and cute.

and then she gave me the bad news.

but she will be a veer gin.

i have a swedish palm reader.

but she knew enough about my sensibilities to say, but pitchers and catchers report in a week.

that was several weeks ago and all of her predictions were right.

and tonight i will see rock music with her and today i will consider blogging about the greatest sport of all, and tomorrow i will wake up alone in my bachelor pad without the girl who i call mine

without sammy sosa at ho ho kam park

with a blog that will never be as dynamic and indepth and accurate and revealing and as wonderful as mr gleemans

but not everything is in the cards the palm reader often says and i say youre a palm reader and she says not everything that needs to be seen can be seen in your hand

gladly.

so she shuffles the deck and i cut it and she spreads out a row of cards, flips one over and then another

and then another

and then sighs

and then she flips over the last card and looks me in the eye and i dont see a smile on her face but i dont see horror in there either.

she reading the cards and me reading her

its a fascinating standoff of bullshit artists trying to read between the lines of lies

scientists with no proper education theorizing theories

she asks for my hand and i give it to her

she holds it palm up

takes my fingers to her upturned nose and inhales

her eyes get big and she says youve cheated on her and i protest

for i havent

she says but but

i say sometimes when i get nervous i like to put my hands in my armpits like this and

she laughs

shes always trying to fake me out and im always trying to freak her out

she says that girl will be a woman before the springtime

i ask before opening day?

she says before they break camp.

and thats how you get a big tip.

xtraxyx + kitty bukkake + tao of poker

“America is and was and has always been full of mealy-mouth writers and soul-sucks who apologize and equivocate to Power & Ideology. Hunter Thompson will stand as the Writer of his time who saw the Horror and did not Deny and did not Flinch. Who saw that America was Dying, but that it was still hella Funny. Who was Bold and Strong Enough to be Heard.”

– Thor Garcia, eulogizing Hunter S. Thompson’s suicide.

“i have cramps so bad i want to stand in fire with a jug of gasoline.”

– Raymi, who also has the cutest new background

“There is still, however a legal extermination of human beings who have been conceived but not yet born. And this time we are talking about an extermination which has been allowed by nothing less than democratically elected parliaments where one normally hears appeals for the civil progress of society and all humanity”

– The Pope, from his new book “Memory and Identity” where he calls gay marriage part of the “ideology of evil”

“The sports world is as bad as it is because this is the only business that allows you guys in our office to begin with. You can’t just go to Bank of America, walk in the office, start interviewing employees. Just the sports world. Well, what for? Well, we don’t want to get into the money aspect of it; we’ll leave that to the side.

“But now, don’t turn it into a spectacle now just because you have the freedom to come into our office and snoop and make up stories if you choose to, because, you know, a lot of it’s not true. I mean, baseball players, every baseball player I know of, and I’ve been around this game since I was a child, all care about this game, all love this game, all have had their own personal problems or non-personal problems. But for the most part, no one goes out there and wants to embarrass the game of baseball, no one wants to go out there and embarrass themselves. I don’t want to go out there and embarrass myself in front of people. I don’t want people looking down on me. No one does.”

– Barry Bonds, during a heated press conference this morning

“My daughter’s CD player broke a few weeks ago and my wife suggested that we get her a cutesy replacement CD player with Hello Kitty on it or something. Last night at the store I saw an iPod bumping the tunes inside of one of the donut-shaped JBL OnStage speakers and got all excited. Screw Hello Kitty, I think I’m going to get her her own iPod. It’s cuter.

“Update: Wifey put the kibosh on the kiddie iPod (“she’s THREE YEARS OLD”). And she has a point. Hello, kitty!”

– Jeff McManus on being entranced at an Apple Store

“Many people have talked about the Guckert/Gannon story, so I won’t add anything to it except that Keith Olbermann has a funny column on it. His name (Olbermann’s) came up in a game of Celebrity several months ago, and the only person who knew it was somebody who used to follow sports. This is what you get for a bunch of people who are all, Oh yes, Thomas Merton, Baudrillard, blah blah blah but they don’t watch television so what good are they.”

– SK Smith, after describing herself and her lover as lazy lazy shitbags

“The Kiss off Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. Lots and lots of wah…”

– Dave Navarro, on being asked what’s his favorite Cure song

“You guys, it’s like, what, I mean, you can’t — it’s almost comical, basically.

“I mean, we’ve got alcohol that’s the No. 1 killer in America and we legalize that to buy in the store. You’ve got, you know, you’ve got tobacco number two, three killer in America, we legalize that. There’s other issues.

“You guys are going to be the same people next week as some tragedy happened, how we need to save our children and everything else and next week, you’re the same people sitting there coming, how we should be doing this and how we’re evil people, or, you know, you guys, it’s one thing after another. You know, pick one side or the other.

“Are y’all going to be good people or are you all going to be who you are and make the game or sports what it is? It’s become ‘Hard Copy’ all day long.

“Are you guys jealous? Upset? Disappointed? What?”

– Barry Bonds, after being asked if awards should be taken back if the player is found to have performed on steriods

“asshole.”

– Raspil Iverson, eulogizing the suicide of Dr. Thompson, concluding with something about a pig fucker.

“I’ll warn you now, that this paragraph is going to contain a lot of crazy shit that went on last night, but oh well! It was Ashley’s 21st birthday, so we had to party hard.

“The night started off eating at T.G.I.Friday’s as expected. It ended up being a whole bunch of us; Ashley, her mom and two cousins, Jeff, Nicole, Ashley’s boyfriend Nate, his two friends (whose names I can’t remember), Sara, Kristin, Tabatha, and Myself. We seriously had the funnest time downing electric lemonades and margaritas. Then around 10, the limo picked us up and we stopped off to get the partying favors. Three cases of beer, 5 bottles of wine, and we had a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of tequila. Oh man, I should have known from that sign that it was going to be a harsh night. We decided to go to Cocoa Beach, but to be honest, I don’t remember much of Cocoa Beach besides playing under the pier and rolling around in the sand with Tabatha. In the hour drive to Cocoa, I downed a shot of vodka and a couple of glasses of wine. I was so wasted, it was a joke. At one point, the limo pulled over and there were about 5 of us squatting on the side of the road. I was so worried about tinkling on myself, I nearly tumbled down a hill and everyone was making me laugh my ass off. By the time we got to Cocoanuts on the Beach, I was just gone. It was dead, so I guess we just decided to play on the beach. Not exactly sure what we did, but I do have pictures of me posing on a fake wave and board, laying in the sand with Tabatha, Kristin’s butt, etc. Just ridiculous. Way fun though!”

– Renee, who did warn us

“I don’t know what cheating is. I don’t know cheating, if steroid is going to help you in baseball. I just don’t believe it. I don’t believe steroids can help you, eye/hand coordination, technically hit a baseball, I just don’t believe it and that’s just my opinion.”

– Barry Bonds, answering the question “Do you view the use of steroid as cheating?”

“All you guys lied. All of y’all and the story or whatever have lied. Should you have asterisk behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. All of you. When your closet’s clean, then come clean somebody else’s. But clean yours first, okay.”

– Barry Bonds after being asked if he thinks more players will admit steroid use

“You know, the part that I lose sleep over is my family and my family and my kids and what pain — which I say — should I blame you guys for it? There’s no facts on Barry Bonds, but should I blame you? Who should I blame? Who should I blame for the things that go on that my kids have to listen to, who should I blame? You know, I don’t. I tell my kids, you know what, just don’t be famous. You don’t want it, don’t be famous. You know what, let people say whatever they are going to say.”

– Barry Bonds, being asked if he has lost sleep over this controversy

thunder echo + gorilla mask + wil wheaton on dr. gene

and its raining all over la.

not nice little cute, boy-we-need-it, rain. this is forrest gump rain. sideways rain. upside down rain. ricochetting angry rain from a dark place.

certainly not the type of day one would want for miss never been kissed.

drew barrymore was born into hollywood royalty in an ordinary hospital room in the less than glamorous town of culver city, california. closer to south central la than to hollywood but its all good. she found her way into our hearts in no time with the little indie flick ET.

ET was the first movie that i ever saw twice, and i wasnt the only one.

aliens, kids, moms, foreigners. everyone saw ET and nobody admitted to seeing it because of drew but look at her career, she kept making films but ET never did. hardly anyone did

although i hear the director is still picking up some work here and there.

drew barrymore might not be the greatest actor but i liked her in guncrazy and the wedding singer and ever after.

i liked what she did with the charlies angels movies

but her best work, i still think were the little tiny shorts that she did with her then-husband mr tom green of canada.

drew and tom were doing a lot of home videos. not the pam and tommy type but the real-deal ones where theyd get drunk or stay up all night and keep it real while staring into the camera and telling it like it is.

drew in one of them said how when she walks into a room everyone stops talking and it bums her out.

it makes you think, what sort of parties are you going to baby? let me throw you a party where even when the singer from Eve 6 threatens to get naked nobody notices.

poor drew. word is that her latest beau the scraggly haired drummer of the strokes is no longer hers. shes tried so many different men, why cant she keep one? has she gone black? i dont think so. maybe she should. maybe she should go blogger.

bloggers do it three times a day.

well happy birthday drew barrymore. movie star with whom without i would never have met the daisy princess and therefore probably wouldnt have had you and you and you as readers.

thirtieth birthdays can be a bitch so if you want to do something fun i hear theres a swinging party at the henry fonda tonight.

sign a petition to have the president investigate gannon/guckert + dr gene scott, dead + martini republic

xxxx annika xxxxx: So, what do you think about the Pres smoking Wead?

dumbtp: didnt we know Bush’s past?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Haha, i wonder if he inhaled

dumbtp: i think hed admit that he inhaled lots of things

xxxx annika xxxxx: Doh!

dumbtp: which would make weed not so huge

xxxx annika xxxxx: Well the tapes are pretty ambiguous about cocaine
xxxx annika xxxxx: Of course, JFK was rumored to have done lots of shit in the White House

dumbtp: of course

xxxx annika xxxxx: But then he had that back pain going on

dumbtp: i have two things to say about the weed

xxxx annika xxxxx: yes?

dumbtp: one: if you do drugs and you see that even with them in your past you can become President of the USA, quit pretending that theyre so bad for “kids”

two, the Republicans are either geniuses at dodging scandals, and/or the myth of a liberal press is just that

xxxx annika xxxxx: That’s exactly what i have been saying about weed
xxxx annika xxxxx: that’s what is so stupid about this whole war on potsmokers
xxxx annika xxxxx: they keep telling kids how evil weed is and all the bad things that will happen to them if they try it
xxxx annika xxxxx: and then, theyre hangin out and some friend hands them a joint and nothing bad happens
xxxx annika xxxxx: and they think, what the fuck, it was all a bunch of shit

dumbtp: and then one guy becomes a great president, and the other guy becomes a two-term president

xxxx annika xxxxx: exactly,
xxxx annika xxxxx: so then when some really bad drug, like meth comes along
xxxx annika xxxxx: how likely is that same kid to believe the warnings
xxxx annika xxxxx: in my opinion, all this scare tactic shit about weed is counter productive

dumbtp: and if we just legalized it and taxed it, we’d save social securty, balance the budget, fix heath care, and give the kids a decent edjumacation

xxxx annika xxxxx: because it weakens the necessary warnings against using the bad shit

dumbtp: that too

xxxx annika xxxxx: exactly

dumbtp: have you been to eastern europe?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Yes, i loved it

dumbtp: all my friends moved to prauge after college except me
dumbtp: im such a loser

xxxx annika xxxxx: i would love to be an expatriate, living in Bulgaria or Czech Republic
xxxx annika xxxxx: Prague is the second most beautiful city in the world

dumbtp: thats what everyone says

xxxx annika xxxxx: beautiful people too

dumbtp: so you agree that paris is #1

xxxx annika xxxxx: very romantic, which was a surprise to me
xxxx annika xxxxx: oh, no, San Francisco is!!!

dumbtp: ahahahaha. lil paris

xxxx annika xxxxx: Paris maybe number three

dumbtp: why do the conservatives try to make france out to be their enemy?

xxxx annika xxxxx: It’s fun to bash on France because they’re easy targets
xxxx annika xxxxx: That’s why i do it, but i’ll be honest with you
xxxx annika xxxxx: In Gulf War I, the French contribution was significant
xxxx annika xxxxx: they sent a whole division, along with ships and planes, and performed well, as i understand
xxxx annika xxxxx: Of course they got their ass kicked by the Germans in WWII, but come on
xxxx annika xxxxx: that was the Germans, at the height of their power.
xxxx annika xxxxx: using tactics no one had ever seen before
xxxx annika xxxxx: And in WWI, the French held the Central Powers off for four years, so they’re not total surrender monkeys
xxxx annika xxxxx: but i thought that Parisians were as haughty as advertised, when i was there

dumbtp: the way dubya sold this last war in iraq, can you blame the french for not being into it? harldy any one joined us.

xxxx annika xxxxx: Well, two things about that
xxxx annika xxxxx: Its not in Europe’s interest to join us
xxxx annika xxxxx: And also, we didn’t need them
xxxx annika xxxxx: Europe looks upon the use of military power a lot differently than we do
xxxx annika xxxxx: For them, military power was the source of lots of trouble, and they’ve happily done away with it through integration, and the EU
xxxx annika xxxxx: But they forget that the unity of the EU was made possible because of the Cold War
xxxx annika xxxxx: and the fact that the United States had their back for fifty years
xxxx annika xxxxx: so they had the luxury of negotiating away their differences, and then believing that negotiation was superior to the big stick approach
xxxx annika xxxxx: but it’s not
xxxx annika xxxxx: they just forgot that it was not they who had the big stick, it was us, and the Soviets

dumbtp: theres two parts to the big stick though
dumbtp: theres the talk softly part
dumbtp: and the stick

xxxx annika xxxxx: Yes, the carrot

dumbtp: “youre either with us, or youre against us” is not talking softly
dumbtp: particularily in the wake of 9/11
dumbtp: when you dont have to say things like that

xxxx annika xxxxx: No it is not, nor is the recent rhetoric regarding Iran and Syria
xxxx annika xxxxx: Especially when we’re not in much of a position to start a third front, but whatareyagonnado?

dumbtp: so what parts of this administration are you in agreement with?

xxxx annika xxxxx: foreign policywise, i’m pretty much in total agreement
xxxx annika xxxxx: even down to troop levels in Iraq, which puts me really out there
xxxx annika xxxxx: But domestically, i’m not too happy

dumbtp: so we should be in the business of nation building in your opinion?

xxxx annika xxxxx: yes, i do
xxxx annika xxxxx: funny huh

dumbtp: no, at least youre honest
dumbtp: is africa next?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Africa is a big challenge
xxxx annika xxxxx: Did you hear that they found some new fossils in east Africa that date back to 200,000 years ago?

dumbtp: no

xxxx annika xxxxx: Yes that’s 50,000 years older than the previous estimate

dumbtp: wow

xxxx annika xxxxx: Homo Sapiens, not some earlier species
xxxx annika xxxxx: So Africa is where it all began, and we should pay
more attention to it, i think

dumbtp: and that people are being slaughtered?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Yes, its terrible
xxxx annika xxxxx: i’m not an expert on that part of the world, i wish i knew what could be done about it, then i would run for president, or UN secretary or something

dumbtp: thats not our jobs
dumbtp: our jobs are to keep people in check
dumbtp: as bloggers, that is
dumbtp: so if this administration says that we went to iraq for wmd
dumbtp: and then changes it to say that we’re there for humanitarian reasons
dumbtp: and Freedom
dumbtp: then we need to say, cool, africa needs some freedom

xxxx annika xxxxx: Okay, that’s my biggest criticism of Bush, actually
xxxx annika xxxxx: his maddening inarticulateness (is that a word?)

dumbtp: dont ask me, i had to take 2.5 years of junior college

xxxx annika xxxxx: We did not go to Iraq for wmd
xxxx annika xxxxx: lol
xxxx annika xxxxx: but Bush, and his administration did such a horrible job of articulating the argument for war
xxxx annika xxxxx: that they let it evolve into an argument about wmd, and not the real reasons
xxxx annika xxxxx: which are the doctrine of pre-emption, and the neocon dream of installing democracies for national security reasons
xxxx annika xxxxx: wmd was just an excuse to try to get the UN to go along with us
xxxx annika xxxxx: which they never were going to anyway, and so it was a bad move to focus on wmd… as they existed at the time
xxxx annika xxxxx: the focus should have been on wmd as they mightexist in the future, with Saddam Hussein still in power and after the UN inspectors had left… that was the danger

dumbtp: how is that dangerous enough to go to war though?

xxxx annika xxxxx: that’s certainly a legitimate criticism

dumbtp: didnt we have a score to settle with some al queda motherfuckers?

xxxx annika xxxxx: is pre-emption a good strategy?

dumbtp: no, not really

xxxx annika xxxxx: that was a rhetorical question, lol

dumbtp: ahahaah
dumbtp: sorry, im slow

xxxx annika xxxxx: no really, the related question, is one Kerry brought up in the debates, which i thought he could have won on, if he had not shot himself in the foot with his 87 billion comment
xxxx annika xxxxx: the question being, why aren

dumbtp: poor john

xxxx annika xxxxx: aren’t we going after Al Qaeda first?
xxxx annika xxxxx: i see the wisdom in the president’s plan, but hell, i don’t know how it’s going to play out
xxxx annika xxxxx: i don’t know if it will ultimately be right
xxxx annika xxxxx: i’m hopeful though, and i think things are beginning to look up

dumbtp: i hope youre right

xxxx annika xxxxx: for years, the US was criticized for propping up dictators to further our own national interest
xxxx annika xxxxx: esp. in Central and South America
xxxx annika xxxxx: and these dictators were bad men, but they were our bad men
xxxx annika xxxxx: the “neocon” way is totally different
xxxx annika xxxxx: now the US is not propping up friendly dictators, instead we try to bring friendly democracies to the places we need them
xxxx annika xxxxx: i think that’s a step in the right direction, as long as we’re messing in other people’s business, it’s better that we’re no longer putting in dictators
xxxx annika xxxxx: end of rant

dumbtp: now that youre single, will you put your pic on your blog?

xxxx annika xxxxx: i used to throw my pics all over the place, when i first started
xxxx annika xxxxx: i even had my pic on my banner
xxxx annika xxxxx: and in my photo album

dumbtp: i think i remember that

xxxx annika xxxxx: no, really?

dumbtp: cute petite blonde?
dumbtp: very fair

xxxx annika xxxxx: You’re like such a blog idol of mine, i can’t believe you knew i existed

dumbtp: ahahahaha

xxxx annika xxxxx: if i saw you in a bar, i’d be too starstruck to approach you
xxxx annika xxxxx: i’d be like, “You know who that is, that’s Tony Pierce”

dumbtp: youre not put off by my slams on the right?

xxxx annika xxxxx: i love your slams on the right, actually

dumbtp: i told you you were smart

xxxx annika xxxxx: cause, you do it intelligently

dumbtp: why thank you

xxxx annika xxxxx: even if i disagree, its still a blast to read
xxxx annika xxxxx: you know what i loved the best about the busblog, that really made me a lifelong fan, tho?

dumbtp: do tell
dumbtp: my nude galleries?

xxxx annika xxxxx: no really, im serious, this is not just ass-kissing
xxxx annika xxxxx: lol
xxxx annika xxxxx: No, the way you were so cool about the Wil Wheaton thing
xxxx annika xxxxx: i was very very impressed with that

dumbtp: well, im not usually a jealous man
dumbtp: its not a feeling i like
dumbtp: and all of that was based on my jealousy over something as lame as blog poularity
dumbtp: he was the one who was cool about all of that

xxxx annika xxxxx: i admire a person who is introspective and honest with themself

dumbtp: youre very kind

xxxx annika xxxxx: Have you ever corresponded with Wil Wheaton other than that
xxxx annika xxxxx: i could see you two hanging out

dumbtp: yes we had a lovely lunch a few months back

xxxx annika xxxxx: no way

dumbtp: kat from dirtyfez was there too

xxxx annika xxxxx: i would talk about Star Trek the whole time
xxxx annika xxxxx: he’d hate me

dumbtp: i dont think so
dumbtp: here’s the post i wrote about meeting them
dumbtp: he seemed really open to talk about anything

xxxx annika xxxxx: Dang, now i look like i don’t read your blog
xxxx annika xxxxx: i hate that

dumbtp: i write so much, theres no way anyone can keep up
dumbtp: some people have stopped trying
dumbtp: youre a trekkie?

xxxx annika xxxxx: i hate it when another blogger lets me think that they don’t hang on every word i write
xxxx annika xxxxx: Yah, a little
xxxx annika xxxxx: im not an expert like BigHominid, who posted seventy trivia questions on his blog, of which i got like 3 correct
xxxx annika xxxxx: but i have TNG seasons one and two on DVD, and i have been to a convention

dumbtp: did you dress up?

xxxx annika xxxxx: no comment

dumbtp: ahahahaha
dumbtp: i may be the only one who hasnt seen even one episode of TNG

xxxx annika xxxxx: Oh my my

dumbtp: and here i thought i was so in touch with american culture

xxxx annika xxxxx: Well, it’s an acquired taste

dumbtp: ok we have 9 minutes before tip off
dumbtp: poetry
dumbtp: who are your faves?

xxxx annika xxxxx: Edna
xxxx annika xxxxx: WCW
xxxx annika xxxxx: i like Gary Snyder lately

dumbtp: interesting

xxxx annika xxxxx: ee cummings

dumbtp: are you kidding me
dumbtp: what about bukowski?

xxxx annika xxxxx: frank ohara, and ferlinghetti
xxxx annika xxxxx: bukowski was a genius

dumbtp: you little tease

xxxx annika xxxxx: i know you like him
xxxx annika xxxxx: i’ve read his stories more, tho
xxxx annika xxxxx: not as familiar w/ his poetry

dumbtp: his poems are so amazing
dumbtp: because its like hes not even trying
dumbtp: idiot savantism

xxxx annika xxxxx: i posted one on a recent wednesday

dumbtp: “oh i think i will drink a beer, wipe my ass and knock out three poems tonight cuz im too hungover to write a proper story.”

xxxx annika xxxxx: You are the next bukowski, you know it
xxxx annika xxxxx: only bigger

dumbtp: not with a virgin girlfriend im not!

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha

dumbtp: i think part of his myth was his reckless drinking, im so sober in comparison

xxxx annika xxxxx: Truly, but you have equal talent

dumbtp: im applying for grad school, so maybe they can help me believe that

xxxx annika xxxxx: i’ll be a reference, lol

xxxx annika xxxxx: you know the best book on la?

dumbtp: please tell!

xxxx annika xxxxx: the day of the locust,

xxxx annika xxxxx: hands down
dumbtp: people say that!
dumbtp: i have never read it!!!
xxxx annika xxxxx: read it now
xxxx annika xxxxx: its short
xxxx annika xxxxx: okay, end on a good note sweetie, it’s 5:00

dumbtp: this was such a joy for me
dumbtp: thank you so much for doing this
dumbtp: im glad you werent defensive
dumbtp: and trusted me

xxxx annika xxxxx: Thank you , the joy was all mine

dumbtp: im glad youre finally being recognized on the blogosphere
dumbtp: im glad it happened with your pics down
dumbtp: this way we both know it was for who you are
dumbtp: not what you look like

xxxx annika xxxxx: haha, me too, esp the nekkid ones
xxxx annika xxxxx: just kiddin

dumbtp: kings or lakers?

xxxx annika xxxxx: lakers, totally

<3 annika <3

Paris Hilton or Marc Brown.

This morning I received an email from the good MC which was sent to him by a woman who recently met Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.

this is the email that she sent Marc:

When we got to the door there was a wooden plaque that said “Nobody Gets in To See The Wizard Not Nobody, Not Nohow.” I could not have wished for a better entry sign. After all this time, that was exactly how I felt.

Tammy knocked once, no answer. She knocked again and this time a woman’s voice asked who was there. Tammy explained who we were and heather escorted us in the house. The xmas tree and lights were still up, but that did not seem uncommon in woody creek. I remember thinking the carpeting was really red in the room we entered thru. The walls were paneled and they were covered with paintings, posters and tchotchkes. We transitioned to the kitchen via a red and black marble floor.

Hunter sat in the corner of the kitchen, his computer and countertop directly in front of him. Glasses of beer, orange juice and vodka were respectively lined up to his left surrounded by several bottles of prescription meds. He held a pipe in his hand and spent the next 20 minutes picking imaginary tobacco from his lip, the pipe bowl and the mouthpiece. He wore striped pants, a vertically striped shirt with a white shirt covered in palm trees over that.

He asked what our project was all about and tammy immediately pointed to me and said that I would probably be able to address the matter better. Well, usually that would be the case but not so much at that particular moment. Luckily the makers had helped out a bit and I was able to explain our recycling mission. He looked thoughtful for a moment and then said he sold his shotgun art for $25,000. I told him that was impressive and maybe he could just offer some token of that to us. He admitted that he did one for warren zevon and asked his assistant to find the picture of that. She brought out a book with a picture of warren and hunter at a target range somewhere, the target standing between them, shot up and paintballed by hunter. Things to do in Denver when you’re dead, I said, quoting a name of a zevon song. He looked at me and said he missed warren terribly.

We were off track and I did not see a way back. He said he was not really feeling it and his art could not be forced. He needed to enjoy the act of shooting and if that was not happening what was the use. I agreed and said he probably did not want to startle the neighbors.

Fuck that, he said, he loved to startle the neighbors, he was out shooting just last night, freaking them out. I thought that was a contradiction, I said and that did not sit well. I tried to recover by saying it seemed odd that he was able to just go out and shoot last night yet he was not able to do so this evening. the night was just starting for him, he said and he had no idea how it would end up but we should come back another time. I understood that I said but the event was starting tomorrow. I was not one to rush anyone’s art but all the other artists had already submitted their bins. But whenever he was ready, we would accept his finished product, gladly.

And so we left empty handed. When we walked out I took out my camera and snapped a picture of the entry way. Evidence attached, my friends.

(day two, second attempt)

When we walked into hunter’s house this time we were greeted by tammy’s godmother, didi. She was the connection. Since she dates sheriff bob, who is one of hunter’s close friends, she was able to arrange for the manifestation of this idea in the first place. She signals for us to wait while she finishes up her cell call. She is speaking with her daughter who is distraught about her father’s recent
diagnosis of cancer. After a few minutes she cuts her off, saying she has to help the tamster with a project. Wow, obviously not a lot of love lost for her ex husband. At this point I feel like I am in a Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman episode. She beckons tammy inside and tells me to wait in the living room because hunter does not like crowds. I start to protest, saying I was just in the kitchen speaking with him last night. I stop myself and say I will do whatever it takes to finish this mission. And I realize I am in the prime position to observe.

I am standing in the room with the xmas tree and it has a window into the kitchen that allows me to see and hear everything hunter is saying. I cannot see anyone else but he is in my direct view. I look around me. there is a lifesize poster of Bobby Kennedy on one wall, Ralph Steadman paintings on another with various posters,
proclamations and signs hung elsewhere. Notes, drawings, a little head of Nixon, batteries, lots of batteries. Hunter has changed his clothes, with the exception of the white overshirt with the green palm trees. His cocktail selection seems the same, orange juice, beer and vodka. Even though it is earlier than our previous night’s visit, everyone seems much drunker. The sheriff is slurring his words, and
hunter is agitated. I do not think he ever really signed off on this project and I am concerned with the possibility of abject failure or worse, having hunter really angry with us.

When didi reminds hunter why tammy is there he seems to vaguely remember our cause. He begins to rail about the reasoning behind our quest. What he really thinks is that espn should be giving him an award. Oddly enough I had gotten an email earlier in the day from the creator of the x games, ron semaio. He said that hunter was giving out a gonzo award on Sunday. I was sure this was what hunter was referring to, but I could not participate in the conversation from the other
room. That was really a challenge for me but at the same time really interesting. I had tried to get a lipstick cam before I left the gig but I did not have enough time to find one. It would have been some amazing footage. Regardless, I stood and listened. He really seemed to be completely uninterested in participating in our recycling efforts. Everyone in the room was making suggestions on what to do.

And then he got pissed. He said fuck it. goddammit, just fuck it, lets get this over with. He said he was going for the shotgun. Sheriff bob told him he would get it and hunter should just sit. Hunter said it was his house and his gun and he could get up an get it whenever the fuck he wanted to. He got out of the chair and moved towards the other room. Getting out of the chair was not easy. Walking was not easy. It was not just the liquor, he genuinely had a hard time with his mobility. He moved out my sight but then I heard the shotgun cock. At this point, I was happy to be in the other room. He brought the gun back to his seat and asked for some birdshot. The bin was outside and I was concerned that hunter did not realize that and would start shooting inside. He and the sheriff disagreed on what
to do next. Hunter just wanted to get the goddamn thing over with. I silently agreed. But hunter could barely navigate the kitchen. And it was still snowing outside.

Here is what I have omitted when I relayed the story to my x games cohorts. Hunter never shot the recycling bin. Sheriff Bob actually pulled the trigger. it is easy to let everyone infer that hunter emptied the birdshot into the can. I just skip over the part of who did the shooting. I end at the part where hunter cocks the gun and requests birdshot. And skip right to the part where tammy and I bring the can into the kitchen for hunter to sign it. personally, I thought we were pushing it a bit at this point but we had to try to get something to clearly identify this as hunter’s trash can. He asks me again why he should contribute this to espn. I tell him that people are generally lazy and we are hoping to try and convince them to recycle by getting artist’s like him to support the idea.

He mentions for the 2nd time that espn should be giving him and award and I open my big mouth and say I think that is already in the works. He stops for a second and asks for details. I tell him what I know and he asks his assistant if anyone from espn has called to make arrangements for this. she says no and I assure him that I would have someone call him the next day.

Tammy hands him a marker and asks him to sign the side of the bin. He uncaps the pen but then starts to shout. What the fuck are you trying to pull. Trying to get me to endorse some corporate fucking godamn company from Carbondale. That is bullshit. Tammy tried to explain that the company who’s name was on the side was indeed the waste management firm who did the recycling. He was livid, asking if
we thought he was stupid. We tried to reassure him saying we would cover the name. bullshit he replied, as soon as I turn around, you will uncover it and that was just wrong. Tammy asked hunter for a roll of red tape that was sitting on the counter in front of him. He handed it over but when he saw what she wanted to do he yanked it out of her hands, saying we should have come with our own goddamn tape if that is what we intended to do. He would not be giving anything away from his own home and we should have come better prepared. But then he started to color in the name of the waste management company and scrawled his initials on the side of the bin. That was great I said, we really appreciated his help. I would have someone get him the info on the award and we would just take our trash can and be moving on.

We carried the bin outside, and wrestled it in the back of the car. I could hear the buckshot rattling around at every curve in the road. Tammy looked at me and said that no one needed to know that hunter did not actually do the shooting. I believe that is called lying by omission but I found myself telling the story in different ways, never saying that hunter fired any shots but realizing every single person would have sworn that is what I told them.

I just found out that hunter Thompson shot and killed himself tonight. As bizarre as it was, I am glad to have shared a bit of his lunacy. I wish I had been able to sit down and have a few drinks with him. At least, I got in to see the wizard and that will have to do.

mc marc brown + vanessa + zulieka is just as hot pregnant as not pregnant

dumbass: what part of the world are you in?

SSG Chris Paul: North Carolina, Fort Bragg
SSG Chris Paul: I am heading to Monterey for 2 years next month

dumbass: california?

SSG Chris Paul: yep

dumbass: so youre a marine?

SSG Chris Paul: no, army paratrooper

dumbass: i wouldnt think that my blog would be attractive to an army paratrooper

SSG Chris Paul: Well, I like to see things from different views

dumbass: good man

SSG Chris Paul: keeps me grounded

dumbass: nice
dumbass: so you were in iraq?

SSG Chris Paul: yeah, I went twice

dumbass: how old are you?

SSG Chris Paul: 25

dumbass: both times during this war?

SSG Chris Paul: yes, the first time in the invasion and then again three months after I got back

dumbass: did you paratroop in, or ride from kuwait?

SSG Chris Paul: no airborne operations, I airlanded on a c-130

dumbass: dude, i blog to meet chicks
dumbass: i have no idea what a c-130 is
dumbass: air craft carrier?

SSG Chris Paul: air craft
SSG Chris Paul: the second time I conyed in

dumbass: and you stayed on the ship?

SSG Chris Paul: kind of old and very cramped
SSG Chris Paul: oh, we landed on an Iraqi airfield and took it over
SSG Chris Paul: then we convoyed to other locations

dumbass: did you see F-9/11?

SSG Chris Paul: no, I’m not sure if I want to
SSG Chris Paul: was it good?
SSG Chris Paul: one of the guys in my unit who lost his leg is on there

dumbass: i liked it
dumbass: in one scene they showed soldiers going door to door in the middle of the night looking for bad guys
dumbass: did you ever have to do that sort of thing?

SSG Chris Paul: sure did

dumbass: crying babies and wives and scared kids screaming at you?

SSG Chris Paul: and also ran a check point
SSG Chris Paul: I dont remember any kids really
SSG Chris Paul: but I remeber every one being mad at us

dumbass: when you went there did you believe that youd be treated as a liberator?
dumbass: with flowers and candies being thrown at you?

SSG Chris Paul: I was unsure, because I knew their goverment told them some bad things
SSG Chris Paul: but they treated us well
SSG Chris Paul: it was crazy because they went on with their live like we were not there
SSG Chris Paul: they kept working in the fields doing what they needed to survive

dumbass: what was the gnarliest town you found yourself in?

SSG Chris Paul: Awsamawa, I think I misspelled it
SSG Chris Paul: we were just outside of it, and it was filthy

dumbass: were people shooting at you there?

SSG Chris Paul: yeah, I remember they had a smoke stack to some factory there. And there was a sniper in it. We could not get a shot on him, so they sent a mortor round and blew the whole stack up.
SSG Chris Paul: Plus there were rockets and artillery coming at us

dumbass: are these people all iraqi’s shooting at you?

SSG Chris Paul: yeah, the first time
SSG Chris Paul: the second time I went I think some were insurgents from syria

dumbass: was it freezing cold in the desert?

SSG Chris Paul: yes
SSG Chris Paul: the second time it rained the entire month of november and was freezing

dumbass: i heard about huge spiders – did you see any of those

SSG Chris Paul: yeah, they call them camel spiders, and the damn things jump

dumbass: yes those!
dumbass: were they the worst part of the desert – other than the violence

SSG Chris Paul: I was more afraid of the scorpions and snakes

dumbass: were there a lot of those?

SSG Chris Paul: I only saw a few snakes but there was a shit load of scorpions

dumbass: so you would sleep in a little tent in the desert
dumbass: inthe cold
dumbass: would the scorpions get in your tent?

SSG Chris Paul: the first time, we had no tents and just slept on the ground

dumbass: get out

SSG Chris Paul: the second time we took over a compound and had a building, but no doors
SSG Chris Paul: so they got in there

dumbass: why no tents?
dumbass: even boy scouts have tents

SSG Chris Paul: during the invasion we thought we were going to jump in and had no space to carry all that
SSG Chris Paul: yeah, it sucked
SSG Chris Paul: we had to ration water to a bottle and a half a day
SSG Chris Paul: about 1.5 liters

dumbass: insane!

SSG Chris Paul: so no bathing
SSG Chris Paul: and taking a dump in the middle of the desert not fun

dumbass: how come?

SSG Chris Paul: trying to keep an eye for the enemy
SSG Chris Paul: and sand blows in to your crack
SSG Chris Paul: not to mention toilet paper is rare

dumbass: so should we even be there if we cant properly take care of our people?

SSG Chris Paul: well, now its better. we just had to establish the supply system
SSG Chris Paul: and paratroopers are expected to rough it

dumbass: how do most of the troops feel about this war at this stage?

SSG Chris Paul: I am not really sure. I think our job there is almost done
SSG Chris Paul: and I think we are doing good

dumbass: so when people are sleeping in the cold
dumbass: they dont say “fuck this fucking war”

SSG Chris Paul: not really, I think we said fuck saddam

dumbass: why him?

SSG Chris Paul: because he was a tyrant, and he was the cause
SSG Chris Paul: in my opinion

dumbass: but he wasnt shooting at you
dumbass: and hes not shooting at the people today
dumbass: the insurgents etc are shooting

SSG Chris Paul: you’re right, but he made his country a hell hole, which led to this
SSG Chris Paul: while I was there i got to hear stories firsthand from the people he hurt
SSG Chris Paul: and I saw some videos
SSG Chris Paul: really bad stuff

dumbass: didnt the US and rumsfield and reagan sell him chemicals and help him become the tyrant that he is though?

SSG Chris Paul: yes
SSG Chris Paul: but I don’t think they knew how evil he was

dumbass: do you think we didnt know how evil he was during desert storm?

SSG Chris Paul: I think we knew. In my opinion I think we should have stopped him then, I think we failed the people of Iraq then.
SSG Chris Paul: Again that is my personal opinoin

dumbass: of course
dumbass: and i respect your opinion

SSG Chris Paul: thank you

dumbass: do your fellow paratroopers talk about this stuff much? history, etc?

SSG Chris Paul: not so much

dumbass: what do they talk about?

SSG Chris Paul: we talk about stuff we experianced there.
SSG Chris Paul: or do you mean on a daily basis at work

dumbass: either

SSG Chris Paul: at work the same thing every one talks about, last nights game, the news, how our weekend was and some of the funny stuff we did

dumbass: whats the main job of a paratrooper?

SSG Chris Paul: well, we jump in to a hostile airfield and take it over so our air craft can land, and get the rest of the troops there.
SSG Chris Paul: Airfield Seizure
SSG Chris Paul: i think thats how its spelled
SSG Chris Paul: my grammar sux

dumbass: was there difficulty securing the airfields that you took over?

SSG Chris Paul: there, no
SSG Chris Paul: but thats because the main forces surrendered so quickly
SSG Chris Paul: but agaist an enemy that will fight, it is a diffucult task
SSG Chris Paul: have only what you jump in with
SSG Chris Paul: not to mention you land scattered from other people in your unit

dumbass: so once you had secured the airfields, what did the paratroopers have to do next?

SSG Chris Paul: pull security, and then move to the next objective. Usaully another town
SSG Chris Paul: then we bcame like the other troops, just a lot tougher and more deadly.
SSG Chris Paul: haha. no really

dumbass: like walking in lines to the next town
dumbass: ducking in the ditches
dumbass: all clear, walking in lines again?

SSG Chris Paul: no we had vehicles, that came after the aifield was secure
SSG Chris Paul: so we rode

dumbass: there have been reports that the military has to go through old dumps looking for scrap metal for their vehicles
dumbass: to nail onto the sides
dumbass: did you see anythign like that?

SSG Chris Paul: yeah, the military has a shortage of amored HMMWVs so we would get steel and weld it the sides and make doors out of it

dumbass: doesnt that seem odd for the biggest richest most powerful army of all time?

SSG Chris Paul: your right it does, but we didn’t really expect them to set explosives on the road every 200 yards. But it makes us resourceful and keeps us on our toes

dumbass: But doesnt it make it look like we’re not as strong as we want to be perceived as being?
dumbass: not our troops, but our equipment

SSG Chris Paul: yes, so we had a little trick
SSG Chris Paul: the Iraqis thought all the tan colored vehicles had armor and they would not waste their ammo on them
SSG Chris Paul: so we started covering the other vehicles in mud
SSG Chris Paul: when it dried it looked like tan paint

dumbass: ahahah NICE

SSG Chris Paul: and they would not fire on them

dumbass: classic
dumbass: any hot chicks over there?

SSG Chris Paul: Iraqis?

dumbass: any chicks

SSG Chris Paul: We saw some reporters that were hot, or it may have been the fact we didn’t see women often
SSG Chris Paul: There was 2 Iraqi girls who looked nice, they would do laundry on one of the forward operating bases
SSG Chris Paul: Then again they may ahve looked nice because we were desperate

dumbass: one of the vice presidents of cnn resigned recently because he said that there were orders to our military to target journalists
dumbass: is that conceivable?
dumbass: would a soldier target a US journalist because he was ordered to?

SSG Chris Paul: not a chance
SSG Chris Paul: we have rules of engagement we must follow
SSG Chris Paul: and no soldier is allowed to follow an unlawful or immoral order

dumbass: nice
dumbass: so those dudes in the iraqi prison were totally wrong to humilate those prisoners?

SSG Chris Paul: completely wrong

dumbass: im glad to hear it
dumbass: well thank you so much for being so honest with me

SSG Chris Paul: no problem
SSG Chris Paul: thanks for listening

dumbass: i know very little about your world so i appreciate you being polite to my ignorance

SSG Chris Paul: I don’t know much either

dumbass: about the military?

SSG Chris Paul: Well I know a lot about the military
SSG Chris Paul: but every thing, I only have a high school education and thats from Georgia
SSG Chris Paul: Hey I got a picture of my squad on my site if you want to see them

dumbass: this one?

SSG Chris Paul: thats it
SSG Chris Paul: I am bamf6

dumbass: where is that picture taken?

SSG Chris Paul: at one of check points near fallujah
SSG Chris Paul: in the military 6 refers to the leader of the element

dumbass: leader huh? nice work

SSG Chris Paul: thanks

dumbass: where are my african american brothers?

SSG Chris Paul: yeah I was a squad leader
SSG Chris Paul: My whole platoon only had one, and he was whiter than most white dudes
SSG Chris Paul: but I am half black
SSG Chris Paul: from the waist down
SSG Chris Paul: haha

dumbass: and youre chris right?

SSG Chris Paul: thats me

dumbass: whats your title?

SSG Chris Paul: Staff Sergeant
SSG Chris Paul: E-6

dumbass: well again this has been an honor for me to talk to you

SSG Chris Paul: no problem man

dumbass: please know that any time i talk about how i feel about this war it has nothing to do with the brave men like you who do the hard part
dumbass: if anything i want to keep good people like you out of situations where i dont think we should be

SSG Chris Paul: I understand, I know people don’t have to be pro-war to be pro-soldier
SSG Chris Paul: thanks for wanting us safe

dumbass: totally
dumbass: of course!
dumbass: ok well i will put some of this chat on my blog tomorrow
dumbass: is that cool?

SSG Chris Paul: and I feel honored to chat with the Tony Pierce

dumbass: ahahaha

SSG Chris Paul: oh yeah, just don’t edit it and make me look disloyal to my country
SSG Chris Paul: they will have my ass

dumbass: thats not my style

SSG Chris Paul: I was just joking

dumbass: i want you to want to chat with me in the future
dumbass: i wouldnt burn any bridges
dumbass: so for the thing
dumbass: i talked to staff sgt chris of….?
dumbass: what the full title and troop and all that?

SSG Chris Paul: actually its SSG Chris Paul of the 82nd Airborne Division

dumbass: perfect
dumbass: thanks so much Chris
dumbass: have a great night!

SSG Chris Paul: no prob
SSG Chris Paul: you to

chris paul + fil + seven nation army by the flaming lips + sheepshirts

the requested proper obit by mr thor garcia

Hunter S. Thompson
7/18/37 – 2/20/05

”A plastic man in a plastic bag,” Hunter S. Thompson wrote of Dick Nixon in 1968. Last year he wrote about George W. Bush: ”He talked like a donkey with no brains at all…. I almost felt sorry for him, until I heard someone call him ‘Mister President,’ and then I felt ashamed.”

Hunter S. Thompson spent his long glorious & legendary career writing the Requiem for the American Dream. He was a philosopher, statesman, freedom fighter and rock star of the highest order, and America will be a shabbier and weaker place now that he is gone.

It wasn’t about Drugs and Drug-Concepts, and it wasn’t about the Guns, though both are of course crucial to his Art & Philosophy. It was about Independence. Hunter believed Americans had the unviolable right to live Independently, to crank it all the way over – as they saw fit and according to their own rules. Early on, he understood that this Main Principle was under constant assault – by the Greedy & Lying, by Controlfreaks on the Left and Right, by Fascist Leaders, by Twits and Hucksters, by the Weak & Dumb, by Those With No Shame. He saw Americans Too Cowardly & Confused to stick up for the Freedom that was their Birthright. His work was the chronicle of the Wretchedness of Unrestrained Power and America hurtling off the Proud Highway.

America is and was and has always been full of mealy-mouth writers and soul-sucks who apologize and equivocate to Power & Ideology. Hunter Thompson will stand as the Writer of his time who saw the Horror and did not Deny and did not Flinch. Who saw that America was Dying, but that it was still hella Funny. Who was Bold and Strong Enough to be Heard.

The precision-jackhammer attack of the Miami Dolphins stomped the balls off the Minnesota Vikings today by stomping and hammering with one precise jack-thrust after another up the middle, mixed with pinpoint-precision passes into the flat and numerous hammer-jack stops around both ends….

One toke over the line, sweet Jesus.

– Thor Garcia, Feb. 21, 2005

thanks to dougie gyro + illustration by john shakespeare + woody creek + ken layne did write a great obit + and is a new papa, congrats

saying Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is becoming the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.”–REVELATIONS 18:2

Richard Nixon is gone now and I am poorer for it. He was the real thing–a political monster straight out of Grendel and a very dangerous enemy. He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. He lied to his friends and betrayed the trust of his family. Not even Gerald Ford, the unhappy ex-president who pardoned Nixon and kept him out of prison, was immune to the evil fallout. Ford, who believes strongly in Heaven and Hell, has told more than one of his celebrity golf partners that I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon.”

I have had my own bloody relationship with Nixon for many years, but I am not worried about it landing me in hell with him. I have already been there with that bastard, and I am a better person for it. Nixon had the unique ability to make his enemies seem honorable, and we developed a keen sense of fraternity. Some of my best friends have hated Nixon all their lives. My mother hates Nixon, my son hates Nixon, I hate Nixon, and this hatred has brought us together.

Nixon laughed when I told him this. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I, too, am a family man, and we feel the same way about you.”

– Hunter S. Thompson, Rolling Stone, 1994

today was supposed to be kurt cobain’s birthday, not hunter s. thompson’s deathday.

but life isnt fair

and sometimes the craziest things happen to the craziest people.

if youve never read fear and loathing in las vegas i guess this would be a good time to pick it up, not because of the outrageous drug abuse, which i seriously doubt

but because its simply one of the funniest books you’ll ever read.

i dont know if my buddy w. patrick whalen is out there but if he is and was interested in writing a proper hunter s. thompson obituary for the busblog readers, and therefore civilization, he should email it to me at busblog at gmail dot com

in the meantime i will tell you that no way would i have been able to write the best part of how to blog which were the stories of kurt cobain taking me to hell than if it werent for two huge influences in my life

kurt cobain
hunter s thompson

punk rockers who at some point said thats it thats enough

this is a hell story that didnt make the cut into how to blog, my editors found it too dark.

todays a dark day, so it’s chosen

one of the strangest surprises of being in hell is the fact that you can have sex.

of course you cant always get it up.

and your schween isn’t very big.

and most of the only girls who will do it with you have hair in the wrong places.

and bad breath.

and oozing sores.

and sometimes spare testicles

that ooze.

but it is sex.

only place you get to have sex, however, is in the sex palaces.

people pay big money to watch people have sex in the sex palaces, because it is the the strangest show in the universe.

everyone in the stands are given flame throwers.

if the fans don’t like the “performers”, they get to flame throw them.

the winners get flame thrown too, but the couple get to kiss first.

ive had sex twice at the sex palace.

the first time i got flamethrown right away cuz i couldn’t get it up.

if you had seen this “woman” you would understand.

she tried to pretty-up her donkey tail with a pink ribbon but her ability to swat away the horseflies was not only disconcerting but distracting.

first they laughed while pointing at me

then i was fired upon with a bukkake of flame.

i was allowed to beat off on the stage of one of the sideshow tents, and yes i consider that sex.

terms change here.

there are 41 different words for agony.

theres a bunch of guys who run around telling you that they believed in God their whole lives, why would He send them to this pit?

and i tell them that i don’t know.

and these men cry right in front of me.

and i tell myself, it’s probably an illusion. your mind is playing tricks on you. it could all be a big fakeout. don’t trust don’t trust.

how do these people buy cotton candy here on the midway?

i don’t even have pockets.

or pants.

everythings on fire. i walk on hot coals and it hurts and my feet blister, but i just let the tears flow. it’s almost like photosynthesis.

the fire creates pain, the pain creates energy that gets released in locomotion and cooled with tears, which keeps the body moving.

its pretty fucked up.

the music is good though.

layne will write a great obit + as will welch + metafilter is already all over it