nothing more here will be true. had a job interview with an adult magazine today. awesome people. this will be twenty six minutes with tony because that pictures huge.

was interviewed by two very nice women who said right away that they wanted to be very honest with me which was awesome because i wanted to be very honest with them. geographically and symbolically, in beverly hills playboys headquarters is on the extreme west of the city and hustler is on the extreme east. i was being interviewed in the very dead center.

they said that i might have to work late into the night. i said, you call this work?

they said if you havent noticed this whole company is made up of women.

and a thousand off color jokes popped up in front of me. maybe two thousand. my entire life had been blessed with being in a situation where someone sets up the perfect line for a great joke and i was there to tip it in.

but i figured that they had probably heard thousands of dumb jokes so i pointed to my college education of poetry, where, it was true, i was often one of the very few men in the classroom. which, may i say, is a great place for a young man to learn about love life romance and women.

i liked the romantics and i liked the the victorians. thats my little joke. tennyson was my favorite of that era and young men should keep quiet and let the twenty five women go on about what they like in these poems and stories because that information is just as important as the teachers information on what makes the work noteworthy in the first place.

i cant imagine having a different major or have attended a better school at a better time.

during the interview my blog came up a few times because part of the job involves working on a few pages of their website occasionally. i explained to them that i was breaking one of the rules of blogging, the one that says you shouldnt tell your mom your friends your job or the people who you want to work with about your blog. and then i told them everything. people always want to know about the money, how much money can you make from it. i was all, sell out and you can make a fortune.

im eating house of pies dutch apple pie right out of the box. im watching a tivo recording of regis and kelly from this morning. i know youre not supposed to tell your prospective employers about your blog but i like them, they like me, and everyones being honest about everything and ive got nothing to hide, infact if youre reading this for the first time hi. ive been in lots of interviews, mostly on the other side of the table but that was great.

they told me that there would be another interview soon and asked if i had anything that would get in the way of that and all i could think was that i wanted to see batman tomorrow and maybe go to the beach, but can you really say that in an interview?

what i like about this job is that just like at e! i will be right in the center of everything. libras love being in the center. moderators, mediators, ombudsmen, middle men, judges, middle linebackers. i like being in the center not because im nosy but because theres nothing i like better than teamwork and teams work best when everyone is involved and everyone is communicating in a trusting way.

i was completely honest about my layoff which for some reason i hadnt thought out. as someone who has interviewed over 1000 people i was always amazed when people stumbled over the simplest questions, and there i was being unprepared with a very reasonable question, how come you got laid off.

any form of rejection is embarrassing to me, especially when ive had years to win people over. but just like in the good book, sometimes the lord hardens our hearts. he said hed give us free will but he never said he wouldnt revoke it from time to time. in the bible pharohs heart is hardend each time he agrees to let moses’s people go. and each time he renege on the deal the lord douses egypt with bizarre and kickass curses, like locusts and plague and my favorite toads everywhere including in your stoves.

toads!

so i figure the good lord hardened my old bosses heart so that i would be inspired to create this, the busblog, that has crept up in every corner, to plague him, to creep him out.

the job that i would have at this magazine would be a lot like my job at e! except it looks like i’d have a few other side jobs to help out the company and id get to work on macintosh computers, something i hadnt done since the advent of napster and my old 6300cd

dude who i said id guest blog for tomorrow, lets make it the day after tomorrow cuz im worn out. it was a three hour interview in a warm room with two flies flying around and my ride over there was really hot. not fun hot, warm hot. but the whole time i was all i love summer and here it is summer and i like that im sweating a little in this car, my car, in my car driving down sunset blvd heading to beverly hills to apply for a job that i have a decent chance of getting. this the second situation that ive had this week. two great jobs. one sweating man. i ate a tums before i left and i was on time, and then i looked in my rearview and

oh crap. i had shaved real good all around my head, the back of my head, my face, everywhere but the center of my head right in front. three happy little hairs were sprouting out and enjoying the great view. you can see everything the long one said. dude youre telling me the second longest one said.

i knew exactly where the nearest drugstore was and i bought a disposable razor a ballpoint pen and a little pad of paper incase i needed to take notes. why my car didnt have them is beyond me, but theyre in there now.

so they asked when id be available to start and i said july 1 which i should have researched because thats a friday and what idiot says hes available to start on a friday, especially the friday before the fourth of july which is usually either a half day or a day off for most companies. but i dont think they noticed. thanks to my buddy the fly who reminded me that it was summer and gorgeous.

zulieka + jmo + heroine girl + dc

has asked yours truly to guestblog on his site. he wrote this long apologetic email that i really should put up here because it will give you an example of the sort of incredible respect that people falsely laud onto me. when you see full frontal nudity on here is when you can respect me. until then im just another teen trying to front at the junior highschool dance.

of course i will guestblog at your blog bro.

one of the secret little bonuses of guestblogging is that, i have found, at least, is if you do it on the right blog you will find yourself with more freedom, and in my case more anonymity to write whatever the fuck you wanna write.

for example, lets say that you were taking pictures on hollywood blvd and you happen to run into a girl you dated a while back and she is in the throws of a few too many jagerbombs and shes barely being held up by her girlfriend whose stuggling because together the waify little girls combined probably dont weigh two hundred in their dripping feet.

lets say that upon seeing you she breaks out with a long maybe too long hug that begins with tony tony tony tony and ends with ive missed you ive missed you ive missed you ive missed you.

lets say that youre a redblooded american man a little down on his luck and confused by everything and not really horny but this girl was a wildcat sober, and drunk, shit. you know how theyd teach you that soldiers dont wear those helmets to protect them from bullets but from shrapnel? this girl was so nuts in bed that i wanted to wear a helmet because back in those days i had a sweet fro and she liked to grab it and whip my head over here or over there and i had to wrestle my way on top which often times led to the scratches and bruises which would often out my previous nights activities.

lets say you want to talk about how you drove these girls home because youre a gentleman. lets say you took them into their weho eight floor condo with views like ive not seen in la in a long time. lets say you turn around and saw a sight like ive not seen in real life in a longer time.

lets say you write a blog read by people whose feelings might get hurt or by people who want to consider you for entry into their hotshit company that you really want to work for badly so badly you’ll even cut your last summer vacation short.

thats when you accept your buddies guest blog offer and you write your little heart out telling the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you do it under a fake name maybe and when youre done you link to it at the bottom of your post on your blog and because it just blends in real nice nobodys the wiser except you him and all the people he emails on the sly.

and thats why im totally pro guest blog and why im super totally pro linking at the bottom of every post.

happy birthday whitey, hear bro and his metal band rock! + jason + today is go skateboarding day

you’re speaking my language
fiddler records

todays juliette lewis’s thirty second birthday and if i was her boyfriend id keep a lot of rope around because i have a feeling id have to use it quite a bit.

and maybe thats one of the problems that i have, im never satisfied with whats right there, i have to try to balance even perfect things out with something either restrictive or flamable when all i should have done was obey fat joe and just lean back lean back.

unfortunately whoever is producing juliette and the licks arent listening to fat joe either because what i guarantee you is an emotionally captivating live performer is not what i hear on this record.

the songs sound somewhat familiar but they lack everything youd need a rope for. theres no brattiness or youth or anger or life. you dont sit there with your mouth open you dont take a zillion pictures you dont gasp and scream along and jump into the pit.

its almost as this record would be the demo that youd cut for prospective musicians who wished to audition for the band so they could learn the changes. its a blue print for something better. its the x’s and o’s on a whiteboard its not the magic and poetry and electricity, it’s the notes.

juliette lewis was rocking harder than this when she was 14 and holding her own against deniro. she was rocking harder than this when she lured brad pitt into statutory rape when she was 16. juliette lewis is one of the few people who really can act more of a rockstar than a lot of rockstars because she can everything which is a lot different than being able to act like she can do everything.

the slow tunes on here have to be slowed down, i know shes hyper but they should have been recorded late at night after hearing darkside and riders in the storm. she should have been properly bound and if she tries to go faster she has to do it twice as slow. and she has to kiss someone. not me. she can kiss me when shes done.

the fast songs need to be twice as fast and three times as loud. this is only juliette and the licks, not juliette lewis and the licks which means give me more fucking licks or change the lie in the name. yes shes the star. shes a star among stars but make her fight to grab your attention in the recording. pulling her up through the mix is a vote of noconfidence.

its far too clean far too organized, there are no risks, there is no spontinaiety. its mostly not rock n roll. its pop. pop is usually bad. if i was producing this record it would be produced live in a storage facility. there would be a few hundred young people in there with us. there would be mattresses on the walls but not perfectly. i would tell the kids that if they made a fucking sound i would mace the whole place and steal their shoes. but they should dance if they knew what was good for them.

then id take my microphone and id say ms lewis i dare you to rock these spoiled fucking snotnosed peckerless abecrombie wearing halfwits stoogesstyle

and what youd hear on that record would not sound like whatever this is which im sorry to say on your birthday baby sounds like an actress’s vanity record. it sounds like a mustang thats been broken and defeated laying in the dust. they eyes blink but theres no light there. no spirit.

this record isnt sure if it wants to be the unforgetable fire or any random demo tape you’ll see in the dumpster behind any la record label which is a shame because tracks like “got love to kill” and “this i know” hint at what juliette delivers live, but theyre brutally overshadowed by sappy worthless messes like “7th sign” which will make you drunk if you take a shot with each wince.

record this hellion without the ropes next time and see what happens cuz this could be confused for a lindsay lohan cd one day.

bunnies back + paris hilton’s house + welch discusses deadlines at the nexus + tomdog