ive learned a lot of things in my 109 years. ive just started to learn not to take things personally. that was a tough one. i still do sometimes like when semi-super models pull down my sweatpants and then point and laugh and try to stop themselves but then errupt into uncontrollable laughter as they put their tight sweaters back on and laugh right out the door.

ive learned to be more patient. but not all that much. i guess thats the one i need the most help with because life is fragile and time flies and between my reckless bus drivers and my penchant for greasy foods, my days walking this crust are few and far between and while im here i wouldnt mind meeting more people and spreading good will towards men and better will towards women.

speaking of which, last night at the tsar show, a very nice young woman introduced herself to me right in the middle of tsar rocking out. she said, hi, i read your blog all the time. i smiled and said, wow. thanks! then she told me that she had just moved out to LA and i clinked glasses with her but the magic of my favorite band was luring me away from any conversations, sweet as they might be.

anyway, nice young lady, thank you for saying hi to me, im sorry i didnt see you after the set, but i looked for you and then was rushed out the side door to my waiting limo. say hi to me at the next tsar show and i will be sure to buy you a welcome-to-hollywood shot of booze.

where was i? oh yes. major disappointments. i mean lessons. ive learned a lot of lessons over the centuries and one of them is how to deal with disappointments and failures. the hippies may scoff at sports, but if sports teach one thing it’s how to handle defeat.

some blow their stack and make a big sloppy mess after they dont get what they were shooting for, but nobody likes those people and that sort of energy rarely helps you win the next time. me, i prefer to shake hands with everyone afterwards and buy a round of drinks.

when i was younger i might have held a grudge or decided, ever idealistically, that if someone said no to me once that i wouldnt want anything to do with them ever again because they obviously didnt “get” me. ive learned over time that you should never burn a bridge unless its a terrible bridge that might already be on fire. and seriously, how many bridges have you seen lately that are on fire? outside of iraq, not very many.

what else have i learned over the years? always bet on black. never send a woman flowers unless shes your mother. and wear condoms every, single, time.

ive also learned that grammar and spelling are over-rated. always ask for exactly what you want. be super polite at all times. pray every day. be grateful for everything because in an instant it can go away. if some lame ass wants to blog war you, state your case, dont link them, and then move on.

and by all means, never bore your readers. ever.

reward people for reading your shit, and if you cant do it with your words, do it with your links.

originally posted two years ago yesterday

my second favorite shirt on my favorite redsox fan + sk smith + all things christie

deluxe cd/dvd is #1 in canada right now

for those of you who have picked it up,
would you mind telling those of us who havent how it is?
also tell us what your favorite song is on the collection

before i do it.

made it to the 5:30 showing of corpse bride at my favorite movie theatre The Vista and it was ok. but as soon as i got out of the door this crazy woman walked next to me

i know why Stiff isnt coming out.

why do i do this to myself.

why do i trust the world. why do i break my own rules why do i sometimes put true things on a blog thats perfectly happy with beautiful lies.

i know when you’ll die.

never know whats going on never care whats going on if she said she had a bag of weed ida told her i had a big black bong.

just stop for a second she told me its your heart its your heart that stops you.

not on a sunday i thought. no mediums or psycics on the Lords day. saturday or sunday i dont what they say. a long time ago i was in the woods in a chapel with these brothers, not brothas, brothers. they didnt touch me if thats what youre thinking, they touched me in a good place. they read the bible to me. no fucking around with their theories, they just read it to me.

there were some scrawny uncoordinated retards in there who just didnt wanna get slam dunked on in basketball hour, and if wasnt for bible study ida been out there with my crossover dribble and afro and redwhitenblue kneepads and wristbands and

the no look

bouncepass through the paint

i didnt need to be out there in the woods getting taught the word by the brothers as an escape as a shelter as an excuse. i was there cuz i wanted to be there cuz it was the best part of the day cuz it was the reason the Lord probably put me there, cuz everything has a reason even if its a bad reason so i stopped before i got to my car and said you have two minutes woman what do you need from me.

she said your heart is punk rock. you cant sell out without a fight. even if its something the people want. you cant do it. it took you years just to put ads on your page. the struggle of this book is ripping you apart and causing conflict in your life. you dont need the money you dont want the money you dont want to give away the money. youve already given it away free and its still free you dont want to make this because you know you’ll make a fortune and thats in conflict with your punk rock nature of fugazi and the pistols and the hero of your book. you dont want to put a gun in your mouth when you reach the mountain top so you’ll just shoot yourself in the foot before you get there.

my stomach hurt from the popcorn id just eaten.

but ive seen the future and you’ll be fine. less people will buy it than you think. but the right people will love it. its them you should think about. not the gibson sg you’ll buy. not the canon camera you’ll buy. not the bills you’ll pay. not the monster tires you’ll put on your ride.

she was ugly.

these are good stories that you made and youre stifling them by keeping them caged up. youve gotta let them go free. youve gotta let them see the light of day. youve gotta let them be ok away from you. youve gotta stop staring at your poo.

i told her. i think your time is up can you please walk away from me.

she said do you promise to release the book before your birthday.

i said every time i set a date its a curse. so no. i will make no promises to mediums or psychics who disrespect the sabbath. if i wanted a channeler id call up my friend ann who i respect and trust.

and she said how do you know ann isnt talking through me right now.

i said cuz ann knows how i feel about sundays.

and the woman said something that i didnt expect

she said

didnt Jesus heal on one particular Sunday.

and she bit her lip and walked away.

human landscape + paige + krista + happy birthday small island girl

and i guess technically Sunday is the begining of a new week, but lets pretend that its the end of the work week…

im about to sever ties with one of my best and longest friends.

in retrospect it was a long time coming and in many ways this friend had severed ties with me a while ago but i was too dumb to see it.

im not very smart, fyi.

and i let people sometimes walk all over me. i blame it on being raised a cub fan.

when youre a cub fan you’ll pretty much take whatever warmed over piece of shit they serve up to you and as long as its wearing those pinstripes and cubs hat we’ll take it.

which is why i was so surprised when the fans of the northside booed sammy sosa.

but i guess times change.

im not going to go into the details of this relationship or how i was wronged, but the way i see it i was 100% honest with this person and extremely patient and i changed when i was asked to change and i adjusted and i did the things that i thought would be best to keep the thing alive.

but apparently that wasnt enough and slowly and surely ive been erased from this person’s life, for the exception of the times when this person was the lowest this person has ever been in and then this person came running to my house where i took care of the situation with the help of tivo brand recording devices, campbell brand soup, and some of the equipment loaned to me by the xbi.

and the person who caused this persons pain is now permanently handicapped.

and was forced to ingest his own toe.

and say how good it was.

still, im the dumb one.

for some reason i thought that years of friendship and kickass communication would lead to a long long friendship

but it appears that any time this person is really happy its me who gets not only pushed to the back burner but under the stove and after a while it gets cold down there and fucked up.

and i wish you knew me, for if you did, you’d know that i dont ask a lot of people. the biggest thing i ask for is a little respect, and for the chosen few, the opportunity to hang out with them every now and then.

as a recluse up to my gills in cheerleaders and blogging ventures, its not like im one of those clutchy friends whose always “oh lets do this tomorrow, and lets do this other thing tuesday, and lets do this other thing wednesday, and lets go to vegas over the weekend…”

even my closest dearest friends barely see me or are bothered too much with my presence.

and now this person wont have to worry about keeping the lie alive anymore either.

and i hope that this person has a wonderful life and i hope that the people in this persons life are worth it.

although id bet you thousands of dollars that theyre not, nor will they be in a years time.

and yes life sucks sometimes, and yes lifes not fair sometimes, but life is its worse when people who should know you turn into strangers and pretend that youre something youre not and then abandon you. and yes i see the hypocracy of abandoning this person in return but i really dont see any other option.

im off to the corpse bride.

franklin ave + annika + kool keith + above pic of leah

(i know, i cant believe its been three years either)

hi, my name is tony, and im an internet junkie

here i am in beautiful aruba, land of iguanas, blue seas, white beaches and some of the most overweight tourists in the world and instead of combing the resorts for thong-clad topless european travelers to meet and make up stories about, here i am in an internet cafe writing you.

i just got done gambling and drinking in the Crystal Casino, the island’s only twenty four hour gambling den. everyone is very nice to you here. they speak several different languages because no one can make up their mind as to who should own this tropical wonderland.

this afternoon we took the airconditioned bus tour around the island. the whole place is very small so it only took us a few hours to hit all the hot spots. my advice: don’t take the tour. stay in the resort, wade in the pool, suck up the drinks and if you get adventurous experience the 80 degree sea and the pearly white sands. theres nothing going on away from the beach except for a goat looking for water to get his beard wet while atop a strange rock formation.

do i love you all? of course.

will i move here one day? never. there truly isn’t anything going on here which is why most of the 100k locals dream of moving to the netherlands or holland, whichever will give them a job.

its warm here and its windy. my taxi driver told me that the wind is your friend. if theres no wind you feel the 90 degree temps and you sweat like crazy. with the wind you love where you are and you don’t complain.

these are some of the sweetest and smartest people on the planet but i think that they are cruel sometimes. there were native “indians” who once inhabited this isle and to acknowledge them they named the local beer after them. i don’t think that’s nice since we know how “indians” and alcohol don’t mix.

the women are short and dark and sweet and can dance dance dance. they love americans. they love sorta dark americans like me. everywhere i go they say hi to me and wave. my mother rented the most hideous mini van that has a huge rent-a-car sticker on the hood and on the door but still the ladies wave. i was thinking about going to one of the night clubs here and seeing the locals shake their groove thing but they take their dancing very serious here. in february and march, for example, they celebrate Carnival and they dance all day and all night for 10 hours a day for two weeks.

i asked the college girl at the Aloe factory if people show up to work hung over after a night of Carnival and she says the whole island wakes up hung over but they just shake it off and go back to dancing while at work.

why not?

there are palm trees with coconuts. there are parrots, there are lizards, there are europeans who sunbathe with their tops off, there are dogs and chickens and lots of channels on the television.

last night we all watched the Sopranos on HBO and if that isn’t your way to vacation, too bad, it’s mine.

signing off from Internet Pl@net in the airconditioned glamour of the Crystal Shopping center somewhere in paradise, this is your pal tony reminding you that if you come here bring one bag of cash and another bag of sunscreen.

hasta!

whatshername + jack bog + albino brain chiggers + seprah

and i took hella pics for yr ass

but as much as in my heart im a hippy, the only reason i would really wanna go down there is to have lunch at the pantry afterwards

and thats no reason to yell out a few fuck bushes.

fuck bush

there we are.

the problem is painfully simple: the republicans will do whatever BushCo wants them to do and the democrats are too pussy to fight back.

when phil donahue is your strongest, most powerful, most courageous and intelligent voice youre in deep do-do.

how is it that the soft spoken Cindy Sheehan is more willing to rock the mic than Obama or Hillary?

not even Howard Dean wants to scream in DC for one of the biggest rallies of the year – and he was against the war when others werent.

the republicans are on the ropes. as karl rove was fighting kidney stones bush showed his true colors and avoided new orleans. now hes avoiding rita. his numbers are amazingly low, every day theres more bad news for his party and for himself including the fact that he’s back on the sauce.

doesnt it sound like today would have been a good day for a knock out shot, hillary?

didnt today seem like a good day to show the world how much different you are than the current administration?

the majority of america are now against our occupation in iraq – why is it that dc democrats dont feel that now is the time to start representing their constituants?

republicans cant debate. theyre not going to beat the dems up in november.

this red state malarky is a pile of doo. everyone now realizes that. the only people that hillary and barack offend by not going to the protest rally are the people who want to vote for them.

you think the instapundit cares about looking politically correct? today he got to say what he wanted through the gateway pundit who said, “I thought this was going to be an Anti-Iraq War Rally but it’s just a hodgepodge of extreme leftist groups taking turns at a microphone.”

while the professional Left, the democratic representatives play it safe, soccer moms like Cindy Sheehan get called extreme leftists.

because people who disagree with a war based on lies are, of course, extremist.

and those who defend an administration who tortures political prisoners, fucks up on who has weapons and who doesnt, and is responsible for over 100,000 civilian deaths and 2,000 US military deaths… are patriots. like jefferson and ben franklin.

but maybe more patrotic than even those guys cuz they were french-lovers.

its’ 1:26pm the rally started an hour and a half ago here in LA.

i think i just talked myself into going.

cuz if bending over for BushCo’s every whim is patriotic,

then i guess i am an extreme leftist.

maybe someone will sell me a beret.

huffington post + matt good + flagrant + sploid

and thats sweet.

Stiff is its own beast. Stiff knows know master. we all thought we finally gained control over it by naming it, then finding a cute collar to tie around its neck, then finding five more collars to yoke it in

but Stiff is nobodies bitch.

Stiff’s gonna come out when Stiff wants to come out. its like a cat under an abandonded car. you can get a towtruck if you want to drag the car outta there but the cats just gonna scoot under a house or into the woods.

ive been trying to get Stiff to come out since the summer. its the best thing ive ever done. and these covers are totally kickass.

i tried to tempt Stiff the other day by beginning to compile a new Busblog’s Greatest Hits in the style of How To Blog and Blook but it just yawned and blinked at me.

it knows its a demon from hell here to tell you a few things about a place you shouldnt know about. it knows know deadlines or timetables.

and it wanted canadian rockstar matthew good to move a few more units.

when Stiff comes out you’ll know about it,

and for those of you who dont have How To Blog it will probably also be included in a twofer special package deal where you get How To Blog at a discount because How To Blog is a dirty little ho who loves to get sold cheaper than its worth.

and there might be a tshirt or two.

and a bumper sticker.

Stiff knows its gotta eat soon so stay tuned but in the meantime thanks for asking.

in other news tomorrow is karisas last day living in hollywood and shes gonna have a big party and noone is invited except me and the laker girls.

but i will bring my camera and i will bring my podcast device and i will bring about a case of corona her favorite beer

and i will bring a bunch of questions for her so as to reminice about her time in hollywood.

where is she moving? shes moving towards the beach and away from me.

this was supposed to be the month of Libra, the good month, the month of good tidings and peace and love.

astrology seems to be a twisted and flawed jumble of nonsense and hyperbole whose sole intention is to make me look and sound like an ass.

the lack of karisa in hollywood is certain to ruin the movie industry once and for all. what you saw this summer was the disturbance in the force. whats to follow is bound to bring utter devistation.

when you pray tonight after you stumble home from your extra ciricular activities you need to say a few words to the Lord about tinsletown who is about to lose its patron saint.

its raison d’ etre

its sparkling cold coors party ball

its most shining star.

when me and karisa were bad + spo + killer kosh + brett lamb