i was going to be eight minutes late for work

and i knew my boss was going to get on my case and i wondered if i should tell him the truth when he would ask me why i was late.

would i lie and say subway problems?

or would i tell the truth which is blonde girl showed up on my doorstep at 2am. the shoes that she came to retrieve were nicely packed into a box next to the satellite dish. in the box was a magazine with her favorite band on the cover and under the magazine was a tape of an hour of her favorite actress on it.

i might not ever talk to you if i break up with you, but if theres a box on a doorstep from me to you, odds are theres probably gonna be some good shit in it.

unfortunately, like most things, this made her cry.

she cried and knocked on my door. tap tap tap tap.

i snored peacefully.

bang bang bang bang.

more snoring. very little can wake me from my slumber. its the only time this haunted mind can stop dreaming and talking and rest. and when it rests it shuts off completely.

however, the hot woman who lives upstairs does capture my attention, pretty much at all time.

she was disturbed and she got up and went to her balcony and her hardwood floors squeaked and my heart fluttered and i woke.

knock knock knock knock.

i went to the door, turned on the porch light, opened the door. daisy princess sobbing. can i hug you she asks.


did you guys see giselle last night when the protesters hopped on the catwalk? she didn’t miss a beat. every step she made was exactly the step she would have taken if no one was there. more than just a hot brazilian, but a pro.

Photo Hosted at Buzznet.comi allowed the twenty year old into the home. let her hug my back. i turned off the porch light. shut the door. went back to bed and quieted the disturbance that my neighbor was experiencing.

perhaps this isn’t what a pro would do. and obviously im no expert on women. i am a victim. anything that happens to me is because they make it so.

when i was in college i learned from the frat boys. they were handsome and rich and they had nothing inside of them other than mgd and semen but what i learned was no matter what ignorance they spewed or how many times they’d listen to legend, because they were surrounded by women with low standards, they were always satisfied.

so i learned to show up in places where there would be hot babes, keep my mouth shut, and have a clean apartment with a second pair of sheets somewhere.

all my body wants is peace and quiet and a nice hand to hold.

ashley is much more than that, and she isn’t right for me and im not right for her and the frat boys would sometimes throw stephen stills in the boom box – you know the one- where the eagles fly with the dove…

some people can let the sands of the hourglass stream through as they wait for their dreams to come true. im not so patient. i have no willpower.

i might not ever find the girl of my dreams who also thinks im the boy of her dreams but im not so sure its a great idea to sit around alone while i figure out the answer.

she apologized and made promises and asked me if there was anything that she could do to prove that she was sorry and i thought of a few things.

let me sleep, i said, with all of your friends.

she sniffed and hiccuped still sobbing a bit.

even the fat ones.

she said, im the only fat one.

then i said take off your clothes.

for leather chaffes at three am when you’re trying to sleep.

leah just signed up for buzznet + my fav buzznet page + science blog

dear super hot chick who wrote me on buzznet

sorry im not writing you back on there but i really wanted to blog on the busblog so i hope you understand.

no you werent rambling in your message, in fact it was nice to learn a little about you. i get a lot of emails and i always like to hear what people are up to or where theyre from.

sometimes i get questions from people who often frame the questions with “i know this sounds dumb, but…”

today someone asked me about videoblogging, or vblogging as they called it.

maybe its cuz, like you, i studied english in college that i favor writing over video when documenting ones life or when writing about dreams or hopes or while ranting or while explaining things.

but i told her that no, i dont believe in vblogging. it takes too much effort to be any good at it, you have to edit you have to set up a good shot, you probably even need a decent script, and you need lighting and you need sound, and you need to have someone who’s really good in front of the camera.

and you probably need music and camerawork and costuming and makeup and hairdos and dancing girls and midgets and elephants and etc.

meanwhile with blogging all you need is a keyboard and blogger and electricity and someone to write to.

tonight its 3:55am and im writing to you, not pictured. pictured is leah who emailed me this morning the sweetest little thing and it made my day. not that my day needed to be made but she did. ive been reading her blog forever.

shes the exception, shed be good at vblogging i have a feeling.

infact leah does have little videos and theyre good and they show a little part of her world thats nice.

ok so i will end this in four minutes, what else did i want to tell you. oh, no im not famous. im far from famous. its not that i dont believe you when you say that all of your blogging friends know who i am but thats not a good judge of fame. fame is when your momma knows who someone is.

i guess deep down id prefer that you know who i am or leah rather than your parents, but deeper down i just would prefer to write interesting things, and when that fails to show cool pictures or turn you on to something halfway decent.

which brings us back to vblogging.

you know why vblogging is doomed? because when one of the biggest bloggers of all time, say for example the charismatic and brave mickey kaus has a somewhat funny vblog episode

but it gets blown away by the japanese yoyo champ

then vbloggings in some deep doodoo.

4am: ding.

raymi got 9,095 visits on her first day on Buzznet + dc’s show was super good + i have no response to this