how are you baby? i never know.

you know your blog is my favorite and its my favorite because i love mystery and you are the mystery of mysteries.

and you write so well that its amazing. its precise. its thought-out. its sculptured.

i read maybe 75 blogs a day. im addicted to reading them. sometimes i read them to see how i can make this blog better, sometimes i read them because i have fallen in love with the writer, sometimes i read them because i wanna see whats all the fuss about them and if i cant find the fuss i will dig deeper until i find what the fuss is.

i cant remember how i stumbled across your wonderful world of disregard but i cherish that day.

ok this is why im writing you – im going to holland in 11 days and i want you to come with.

holland.com which is the tourist bureau of the dutch government, so basically the dutch goverment is putting me up in a five star hotel and treating me right.

i know how much you love to travel and i know how much you like to get the heck out of the val so it dawned on me that maybe we could take that roadtrip that we’ve always talked about.

can you stay in my hotel room if you want? sure. youre my fave and if youd feel comfortable sharing a big fat fancy room with me fine. like you im a hermit. im just not as good at it as you are. infact im a failure at it but im a hermit at heart.

like you im painfully shy but ive learned to cope.

in a perfect world id have a little house on del playa in isla vista and id have a megaphone and in the middle of the night id point my megaphone down the street and id say “WHY CANT I HEAR ANY BANDS?” “WHY ARENT YOU KIDS SCREAMING!” “WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH A MEGAPHONE UP IN THIS PEICE!”

and id slam my door and fill my big gulp cup from my kegorator and get back to reading blogs.

and watching the sunset.

why didnt i write this to you earlier? because i didnt want you to think about it, say yes, and then talk yourself out of it.

this way you can think about it, book your flight and then you wont have much time to listen to your demons.

also this way you can ignore me like youve been doing a lot lately (hiss) but secretly know that youre the only person who id share a room with on this trip. or if you want your own room, fine, but we could be like rich married people and have adjoining rooms and ignore each other but always know that the other person was on the other side of that wall.

fucked up security but security nevertheless.

i am having the weirdest month ever so what could be weirder than hanging out with the coolest weirdest blogger i know… next to myself.

btw when i saw sly stone at the grammys yesterday i thought of you.

when i first moved to LA 20 years ago i was too young to get into any of the rock clubs but i remember reading an article in the LA Weekly about a show that Sly did at the Palamino Club which was a country bar in the valley who every now and then would book someone so not country like Taj Mahal or The Replacements.

in the review they said that Slys band played for an hour and then they took a break and then they played for another hour and finally Sly showed up and played for 20 minutes and said goodnight everybody and the crowd went crazy. crazy as in they loved it. even the reviewer loved it. he called it the most rock n roll punk rock show hed ever seen.

so when all those people were singing Sly songs and sly never showed up i kept thinking, fucking a sly is going to diss the grammys how fucking cool and punk rock would that be? and then he actually did show up and he played like 20 notes on the electric piano and then left. which might have been cooler than not showing up cuz at least we got to see his sweet mohawk.

anyway for some reason i thought of you and now im writing you and now im saying if you wanna go to the land of wooden shoes hit me up at busblog at gmail

signed,

tony

bring the petty pace of speed and grace and rock n roll and tofu girls, I don’t know why everything is so bizarre right now but it is and it is and it is and it is

it reminds me of all the rain we had last year. it just rained and rained and rained and rained and people just kept saying tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

I think tomorrow I will be able to tell you some of what I haven’t been able to tell you and trust me I don’t say these things to keep you tuning in because I know you’ll be back you’ve been back over all these years and some of you are even nice enough to tell your friends

all I know is today I laughed and cried and yelled and screamed I told people I loved them I told people they were full of shit hell I told lots of people they were full of shit. and I wasn’t kidding.

my shirt, my favorite shit is stinking from all the sweat that ive burned through over these last twenty four hours and I keep thinking that the Lord is all “we’re going to give tony not just a pop quiz but a ton of pop quizzes all in a row” to see if I would crack or if id be less of a good man or more of an idiot or if id burn bridges or if id turn into someone else.

but when youre 113 youre pretty much the same old song and dance.

and tonight even though I thought everything was over I wasn’t able to write I wasn’t able to dance I wasn’t able to do anything and the phone kept ringing and some of the people were exactly who I wanted to talk to but it still didn’t help and I wanted to say what was the truth for me which was I know im a freak I know im a weirdo I know im never going to find a girl like the one I moved to LA to get away from.

I know precisely why I have to stop playing the lotto. its because the Lord knows that if I win im moving to maui and im just going to sit in my little grass shack and watch the waves and I’ll never really do much except write bullshit like how I miss LA and how I miss mi vida loca.

which is to say I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but this ten days have been so vida that if something very very bad happened to me or very very good I wouldn’t be surpised and you shouldn’t either because it really has been that super extreme

and the sad thing is there isn’t an unlimited amount of tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows. which is why I try so hard to get it right today. especially at my age.