i feel dirty even typing this.

but fine, i’ll admit it. i watched American Idol last night.

and i watched it a little last week too.

i tuned in because they suckered me into it. their shit worked. i wanted to see how that gray haired no talent schmuck could have beat out all my nubian princesses and that rocker and is poised to beat the pretty little teengirl whose mama is a voice teacher.

to be honest i dont get it. how the fuck is the soul patrol gonna be your next american idol?

i dont think simon can understand it either which is why he tried to sabatoge the upset-in-the-making by crowing him the Idol last night, thus creating the reverse-psychology backlash that will spill over to the voting.

dont get me wrong, im not crazy about the chickie either. she does nothing for me. and Somewhere Over the Rainbow? wasnt that done way better by that gay dude in Star Search like twenty years ago? wanna impress me, do Rainbow Connection or that angry kelly clarkson tune that she did at the grammys.

but last week when they showed how elliot had 33% and soul patrol had 33% and chickie had 33% i knew that whatever dude made the cut would win

because anyone who would vote for eliot over the babe or gray hair over the babe in the semi finals would vote for the dude over the babe in the finals.

my theory about bro is all the dads who watch american idol with their teen daughters see a little of themselves in the bozo. they see a guy who cant dance or sing up on that stage like hes got a stick in his ass and they root him on out of narcisism. plus they know they’ll never bang that chick. thats the sort of girl who never puts out, always does her homework, and wont even let the high school quarterback get his pinky stinky at prom – but will let him pay for the limo and the lobster and the tickets and the flowers and the etc etc. whore.

america should be ashamed of themselves.

look what the eurohttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifs are doing over in europe. theyve got an american idol competition too. its called the eurovision blah blah blah. you know who won over there? some Gwar ripoff with a shitty song. but at least they look like Gwar.

im never gonna buy a taylor hicks cd. im never going to buy a kristin mcphee record. the only thing im gonna buy is playboy when she poses in there in five years, which is why everyone says Fox is the real winner of this second rate talent show, but the real winner is hugh hefner because you know the Girls of American Idol is gonna be a best seller.

i hope mandesa gets the centerfold.

SIRI is at 3.63 + gilliam + video of guns n roses live last week

im an emotional wreck.

in two weeks ive met a cheerleader and a stewardess. and ive fallen for both of them. and theyve both left me. and now i feel empty and worthless and hollow and incomplete.

not in a sad way just in a way i once discussed with the guitar player of my favorite band in college. he knew a lot about astrology and his sign was the water bearer. and he said that after a performance it was like he had let all the water out of his bucket.

he said a good show was like carrying a huge bucket miles and miles and then up a really big hill and giving it to all the thirsty people. and that was a great feeling, you know, of stoking those people. but then he said he felt really crappy. and empty. not buddhist empty which is what you shoot for, but out of gas empty like you totally forgot to fill up when the red light came on empty.

like starving in the middle of the night 139am empty.

we didnt have a lot of talks but i remember that one.

never did i think as a little kid that i would feel crappy after being with one hot babe after another. but sometimes, kids, you will. and its at those times that you have to remember that the devil exists and hes trying to fuck up your good thing. hes trying to harsh your mellow. hes trying to make you not enjoy your little glow.

hes trying to drag you down to his level.

the thing about fairy tales is after the young prince gets his blowjob from the princess that he just saved, the story is over and they live happily ever after. which we know is bullshit. and why i will never read my children ridiculous lies.

for what would happen next would be the prince might get all paranoid and wonder, whats this stewardess really like when shes not laid over in LA all tipsy and happy cuz its warm and sunny and clear? the prince might even wonder if she was bullshitting when she said she got that hot little pussy checked out just last week. and then if he chose to trust her, he might get all weirded out and wonder if she meant it when she said she’ll call him the next time shes in LA.

i dont know one person who ever lived happily ever after.

maybe marilyn manson. but his records started to suck as soon as he dumped rose. nobody wants that.

its almost memorial day and i would like to take another road trip somewhere but i aint got nowhere to road trip to. plus i want to save my money for the next step for the busblog. so i think im gonna stay home this weekend. ive been a good boy so far this year and kept to my new years resolution of reading at least one chapter from the bible every sunday. and maybe thats why ive been blessed with some sweet girls who have crossed my path.

i havent gotten very far in the bible but thats not the point, the point is to just read and read slow and get every drop. this week i read about sarah and abraham and how sarah was barren and abraham was old and sarah said fine you can “go into” my maidservant and see what you can do about getting us a kid, and after abraham went into her he knocked the chick, hagar, up. and then the hagar got all haughty with sarah and sorta wanted to raise lil ishmael herself. sarah got pissed and chased hagar into the desert. there an angel told her to relax, that everything would be fine, but she had to return to sarah and submit to her. aka hand over the boy.

i had remembered that story but i forgot about a small detail. hagar was an egyptian. aka Black! meaning a progeny of abraham – one of the most important patriarchs of judiasm, christianity and islam – sired a son who was a half black kid. and it was his first born. take that shelbyville!

i dont know what it means, but i do know that whenever im emotional, something that rarely happens in my life, however its been happening more now that im off the pipe, its always nice to slip into the bible and see what other people had to deal with, drama wise. and it chills me out, because my problems are miniscule compared to having to try to appease my wife whose jealous and angry that the hot egyptian chick is waving her finger around and has one hand on her hip talking about oh no you didnt say that my son is your son now.

and the cubs lost in the ninth today

and the zancau was dry today

but its gorgeous in la and im the luckiest old man since abe and kerry wood pitched well and prior is coming back and this time last year i dont think i had even gotten laid once yet. im so far ahead of the game. thats how you beat the devil. he can be beat. its not a game that you win over long periods of time you just have to beat him before you get up out of your chair. so now that hes beat, i can go wash this stewardess off me.

even though i dont wanna. even though she has some of her hair in my sink and normally i hate hair of any sort anywhere but she was different and i sorta like it there but thats living in the past. where the devil wants you. naked titty angels are in the future so keep walking to the light. to the light. keep walking to the good stuff.

kitty bukkake + paxgitmo + upholstered apocalypse + crunkness