two years ago today

i went three for three

it’s hard to believe, but yes, i fuck up too.

the reason that i would never be elected president of the united states, besides being black, is because i would get on the mic and say

it’s hard to believe, but yes, i fuck up too.

got some in vegas at the motel 6 across from the mgm, and thankfully not with a prostitute, which means my slump is over.

arrived back in hollywood after a nice seafood buffet lunch at the rio and got it on with clipper girls cousin who i havent seen in quite some time and did something with her hair that made me stare at her all afternoon.

sometimes you forget that you’re with a cheerleader until they stretch their arms over their head yawning and that slim little sixpack pokes out from underneath all that pink tshirt and oh is that a belly chain

and before the sun went down i was two for two.

90. seo book

how? luck. luck? good luck.

we drove over to her place afterwards and i saw her cousin pulling out. clipper girls cousin ran inside to get her overnight bag, and i talked to the real clipper girl.

we hadnt talked in forever.

hi baby.

hi tony.

looking good.

shuttup, nerd.

whats going on with you?

same old.

still with that man?


does he go down on you yet?

perhaps youre confusing me with your other ex girlfriends. he and i never had that problem, thank you.

well, uh, i thought i heard something along those lines.

you havent heard anything along those lines.

my apologies then.

your hair looks good. you have a good head for that look.

your booty looks good.

ok, im going.

when are we going to hang out again baby.

you mean do it? never. its over tony.

is he really that good in the sack?

thats none of your business.

moan twice if you miss me.

you know i miss you.

moan twice then.




i put my head close to hers. she was sitting in her car. she couldnt move her head anywhere, but she moved it to the side.

dont worry i whispered. im not gonna kiss you. and i put my nose behind her ear and let in the fragrance.

then kissed it

good seeing you baby, i said.

and waited for her to pull away

and waited

Matt Welch gets interviewed

and reveals his secret to getting a job with the LA Times

Simon Owens: How did you become an opinion editor for the Los Angeles Times? Is there any interesting story behind it?

Matt Welch: The funny thing is that I still don’t really know the answer to your question. I was perfectly happy at Reason magazine, among many other reasons because they actively encourage staffers to write for other publications. So I made the conscious effort to A) write for the Times as much as possible, and B) try to convince them, in my way, to take me on as one of their 10 regular columnists.

In the process of writing a half-dozen columns, and attempting to understand the impenetrable bureaucracy on Spring Street, I met with various editors three or four times. At one of those last meetings, I finally hooked up with Andres Martinez, who had recently replaced Michael Kinsley, and with whom I share a good friend and ex-colleague, the incomparable John Allison of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (who worked on my paper in Prague). John had been chatting Andres & I up about each other for a year, but we’d always managed to miss each other … finally we met up, the conversation turned to the section, and broader ideas….

And before you know it they offered me a three-month “visiting fellowship” to sit on their editorial board. I figured I’d be open to it, even though the prospect of writing editorials full-time struck me as pretty weird, personally. Somewhere in there they asked if I’d be interested in having a full-time job on the board, and I said no.

Not long after, they described a new position that didn’t yet exist, where I’d sit on the board & write editorials, but also edit the things, and also write the occasional op-ed, and also solicit & edit op-eds … and also help work on their website. Sounded kind of complicated and open-ended, so I was immediately intrigued…. And I very much liked Andres and his #2 Michael Newman, and liked the general change of direction the section had taken the previous 1-2 years … and the price was nice, so I said yes.

Not a very interesting story, I agree. I guess the coolest part for me was that it was the first time in my memory that my extended work in the obscurity of Central European English-language newspapering actually helped me. When I first returned from there, and applied for jobs everywhere (including the L.A. Times), they all just kind of shook their heads sadly, or looked at me with irritable bewilderment. But now my Prague connection finally paid off!

read the entire interview here.