when denzel said we didnt land on plymouth rock, that it landed on us, he may have been right. the rock is tiny. a circus strong man could have lifted it over his head. its a dissapointing example of how size matters.

i wrote more about it on LAist this morning and even provided video for your ass.

hi. im in connecticuit. when i logged on to the web at new london karisa told me to turn around and stay at mystic, but the sun was still up so i kept driving. like a fool. always listen to karisa.

what i wanted to do was get as close to NY as possible so i could get a good nights sleep for once and wash my clothes and clean my car and have a good meal.

originally the plan was to make it to brooklyn by now but Plymouth fucking Rock wasnt easy to get to and then i got lost getting out of it and my bowels didnt agree with me so i was making some pit stops. tmi but whatever. all i have to say is thank you mcdonalds for always having relatively clean mens rooms.

so i made it to somewhere but then my mom called and said i should go to new haven to see yale and i was all didnt george bush go there? and she said but i heard its beautiful. so i kept driving and stopped in new haven in front of a Best Western and did what i always do, i looked at the reviews that the hotel got off Google and it got lousy reviews so i kept driving.

what i do is i go to Google Maps, type in the town that i want to be in, then “choose businesses” and type in “motels”. not only does it show you where they are in relation to the freeways but it also gives you the phone numbers, the approximate prices, and the reviews. some of the reviews are obviously written by the staff, and some are two-three years old, but you get the gist.

what i really needed was a place with a laundry because when you travel light you need to do laundry once a week. no questions asked. so i was willing to pay $109 for the marriot residence inn here in spectacular Milford, but right next door was the SpringHill Suites by Marriot so i walked in and asked them how much and they said for you $115, so yeah $6 more gets me a suite, sweet.

they had not just one washer dryer but three. so i went for it. as i had all my clothes in there i walked around in my bathing suit and my robe and figured that this would be a good time to take a dip in the hot tub, and america, it was delightful. then i switched the clothes into the dryer and i realized now all i had were wet swim trunks and a robe. nice work einstein. of course the clothes needed two runs in the dryer so i sat in my room in wet trunks for over an hour writing, surfing, chatting ect. but whatever. however i really could have used a joint.

what i got was out of the laundry room at midnight. then i drove around milford/stratford for another half hour looking for food places and got lost, of course, and stumbled across and olde fashioned diner. i ordered the liver and bacon special to go and at 1am i was gorging like a pig. it was awesome. then i really wanted a joint but im straightedg-ish so i wrote some more and uploaded pics and thought of you and planned to meet with bicycle mark and went to bed at a reasonable 2:30am and here i am this morning telling you that new york im coming to get you baby.

and i resisted writing a piece of satire on LAist titled “TO Suicide Attempt Foiled By Promise of LA NFL Expansion Team”. see, wasnt that funny.