lemme tell you.

i started this month in new york, i traveled through dc, virginia, tennesee, mississip and then new orleans. then i rolled through texas and oklahoma, new mexico, the grand canyon, zona, and then back home.

i saw part of one of the greatest comebacks in all the nfl, i saw the pogues, i saw my 100th birthday come and go, and i saw two good friends of mine tell me to fuck off.

my house is cleaner and more organized than ever before. my car is fine, my job is fine, my health is good, and it looks like i’ll actually have a full month here in LA to get LAist back into its record-breaking pace.

libras really dont like drama which is why when friends tell us to fuck off we write them off and never wish to talk with them again. particularily when we’ve been nothing but good to them. plus hot chicks grow on trees.

i learned a lot this month, way more than i learned all year i think. one thing i learned is if you have no steady girlfriend, no kids, and no school, you better make sure that your shit is smoking hot at work. i also learned that reading a chapter of the bible every sunday might not get you too deep into the good book, but it’ll do the trick.

i also learned that the bears are a team of destiny and i better get my super bowl tickets lined up pretty soon-like. speaking of which, do i have any readers in miami?

i also learned that despite the fact that ive told people numerous times many still dont know thatthe comments section was created by Al Gore so you can kiss my ass, ask a polite question, or provide information about young ladies who wish to parade around my house topless in ridiculously high heels. if your feelings get hurt in those comments its because you didnt say “omg tony youre the greatest.”

no commentor has ever had their feelings hurt telling me im the greatest.

i also learned that when i talk about people’s daughter’s 12 year old cooch’s, people take it very seriously. as if i actually had more control over their pre-teen wombs more than they do.

the last thing that i learned this month was at Best Buy tonight. i learned that you can buy Gift Cards at the register, you can use Gift Cards at the register, but if you dare ask the person at the register how much money is left on your Gift Card they will point you to the long Customer Service line because for some reason you cannot check Gift Card balances at the register.

when you make it very easy to take people’s money, but make it very hard for those people to access their credit you are on an expressway to corruption.