i knew i was in trouble when i saw kurt cobain waiting for me at the front door.

hey buddy.

uh, hi, kurt.

i dont really know how to say this to you, so i’ll just come right out and say it. youre dead.

pardon me?

ok, let me put it this way, knock knock.

heh. who’s there?

not you, because you’re dead.

can i ask you a question?


good, am i on acid?

no, youre dead.

how did i die?

i can tell you, but then i’d have to bring you back to life. ahahahahaha. sorry, little joke we tell.

what’s this hole in my chest?

thats where you were stabbed with a knife.

who the hell would stab me?

lots of people. there are those who are jealous of your hits. there are all the dads of the young girls you kiss. there are the sisters of the girls you kiss. there are the politicians who fear that you might go to law school and then run for office. theres bud selig, dick cheney, pearl jam. or any of the hundreds of criminals you sent to jail.

you know whats funny, kurt, youd think id be sad, but im not sad.


but i will miss all my friends.

they’ll probably miss you too.

and i love the people of Earth.

theres people of Earth where you’re going.

yeah, but i liked life.

you did? you were always bitching about it. you were never satisfied with any of the girls you got. you were never pleased with where you lived or what you did for a living, or what you looked like, or what you wrote, or who you were. dont bullshit me, bro.

hmmm. i did like chris.

too little, too late, cubfan.

and i liked living on del playa.

youre going to a better place.

i am?





hey i got in and i broke some major rules.

thats right, you killed yourself.

major faux pas, let me tell you.

how did you get in after something like that?


whats that?

Grace of God. thats how everyone gets in.

what if you were super good?

doesnt matter, without the GoG you dont get in.

so, like, mother theresa?

God isnt crazy about the Catholics. little known fact. especially the ones who know better. they disobeyed the very last line in the Bible, “dont add anything to this text or else you will get all the curses written herein on your ass.”

thats not exactly what it says.


damn, kurt, even in your afterlife you’re controversial.

ready to hit the road, pallie?

wow. im really dead?

dead as grunge.

and i have to leave this apartment behind?

you can haunt it if you want, but scaring people becomes dull. it’s pretty easy.

but its sorta messy, i’d hate to leave a mess.

trust me, dude, people are going to make a fortune eBaying your stuff. youve got some great shit here.

yeah somewhere in here i have a ticket stub from your last show in LA.

not anymore,

kurt cobain said and flashed me the stub and tucked it into the breast pocket of his raggedy flannel.

we had a good day at LAist yesterday

– a link sorta worthy of all caps
– ucla gets hacked; 800,000 compromised
– the mysterious kosmo card which im still not sure i understand
– thinking about her made me cry on sunday
– Van Halen to David Lee Roth: “‘Dude, get your ass up here and sing, bitch!”
– howard on letterman
– nerf herder to celebrate the Rumor
– how to ruin the best friends with benefits
– eric gagne: gone, eh
– incredible lineup of live concerts including wolfmother (bonus, video)
– LAist Interview: Armin Van Buuren
– Spank Rock pre-write, and bonus video for the song “Rick Rubin”
– i must say my Extra, Extras are getting better
– Analysis of the first 25% of the Laker season so far
– ratatat concert review, palladium

i fell asleep on the couch last night. when i was in orlando we stayed at a five star resort that had won the resort of the year twice, recently.

they were tooting their own horn about how comfortable the beds were, 89million thread count, increadible comforters, etc. and the beds were nice, but i slept all night without even moving probably on my big black leather couch and i woke up this morning perfectly happy. go figure.

watched the hunter s thompson doc on Starz. pretty good. they got everyone you could get. gary busey was pretty good. so was bill murray, but hunter stole the show.

i liked that he would call people at 4am, and wake up at 4 pm. and would always over order like “six beers and four margueritas please.” thats who i want to party with.

so few people know how to party.

i saw some exceptions in canda though.

i watched snoop dogg on directv’s Free channel. ive gotta ask alistair if hes part of that channel cuz it was sorta a bummer that they bleeped the d-o double g.

they could at least have some showings in the wee hours that people could tivo thats uncensored.

speaking of which it was nice to see howard on letterman today although im getting a little sick of the new gwen stefani song. and her outfits arent any good any more.

i ate a half a pound of shrimp today and talked dirty to a girl from kansas who had the wrong number.