dont tell yr mom yr an atheist

still one of my all time faves.

props to michael’s brother/sister for setting up the camera

and the dad for letting the mom do all the work/swearing

and major props to michael for sticking to his guns

even though hes going to h-e double hockey sticks.

i would love to see a YouTube show on ABC on sunday nights to fill in the gap that Americas Funniest Home Videos has created by not being around (is it around)

that way we could see if Michael actually got any Christmas gifts and/or what the bishop thought about one of his parishioners cussing at her kid.

i love her so, but i dont know why

maybe i know why. maybe i dont wanna know why. shes super sweet but who cares about that. shes really smart. and funny. and shes a good sport, but what does that matter.

shes hiding out. shes laying low. shes fresh into town and i am f’ing up her program but thats all in the plan. i act a fool around her. i dont know why. i do actually. i do it cuz id rather be the reason she disses me than her just dissing me her self.

ive had more than my fair share of hotties. maybe just my fair share. but i cant moan. she was not what youd think id be gaga over. shes not what i thought id be gaga over. but there she was in isla vista and i totally didnt even notice her. it took frisco to show me her. and i diss frisco. yet frisco was all yo yo check it. and i chjecked it and i was all yeah nice whatevs. and then one day it popped. then i was still yo whatevs. then the next day it popped again and then it was over.

i am the fooliest fool around her. i am drunk. i am worthless. i tell good jokes but theyre always the same. theyre like sit on my lap and lemme tell you a story. theyre liek reach into my pocket i seem to have lost my mind. theyre like no stand right there i just took these xray vision pills and i wanna see if they WOAH! theyre like the worst jokes ever. i know but its love they just diahreah right out.

they only get worse when her parents are around. for years we were together and i was so boring. all id say is i love you like a gazillion times. id say it in my sleep. id write her notes. id sing little songs. id pay the little kids across the street to come over and singem. id train the pigeons to poop it on her car windows. i thought it was cool. me alone.

she couldnt get out of my clutches so she joined the peace corps. i think she thought i wouldnt follow her there. but duh. love. hi. one thing led to another and i couldnt follow her out there. yes i got involved in clipper girls and other various cheerleaders but they were all just placeholders. she had put something in my drink a long long time ago and theres no undoing voodoo. she had gotten her wish and lo there i was. and here i am. and there she be.

today shes in hollywood. west hollywood to be precise. blocks away from the whisky and the roxy and the rainbow. soon she will return to my house. its not the beautiful place it should be cuz my maid doesnt come till wednesday. is she even the slightest bit into me, no. if she reads this will she be even that much more turned off, yes. do i care? of course, but theres nothing i can do about it. the flick has been switched and theres nothing the busblog can do except proclaim devotion to the nth degree. which is boring i know but true soul mate love is making a comeback because everything else is just a tad more boring.

but heres the catch. if she said jump id say how high and that was a crappy movie.

dear lord thank you for not making me lame

if i was running for president or pope or if there was an election to see who wold write the busblog and i had to write a prayer and shove it into the wailing wall and i knew that someone would snatch it out and publish it around the world id write dear lord thank you for not making me a predictable lame piece of crud.

id say theres stallions and theres flies that buzz around the asses of stallions looking for shit to feed from. thank you for not making me the fly.

id say i understand why there are flies. actually i dont, but i appreciate that youd think that there was a reason for flies and flyswatters are pretty rad so i get it that maybe flies have a purpose and how else are people supposed to know that theres a huge heap over yonder and what better than a ton of flies but thank you for not making me attracted to dung thank you for making me attracted to wonderfulness and possiblilties and life, etc/

thats what id say to the wailing wall. id also say please let the cubs win the world serires. id also say thank you for letting the cougar pick me up at the party where maybe i had two too many. id say thank youfor letting the cougar have a laptop in her wilshire condo. id say thank youf or letting the cougar draw a bath for me even though i dont need no bath even tho i dont want no bath even tho oh thats what the baths for, ok cool. ok i gotta run

id say lord please help the poor and the starving and the insane who sit outside my parking structure every day and talk to themselves, not ;like blogging is any different than spealking to oneself but please bless them in some way i dont know how, let them figure it out, let them find some cash under a beer can, let them write a song thats like Wild Horses or something, but thank you for letting me be me and not insane in the membrane cuz i know how close i am to that and for some reason you let me be here in westwood and not down on wilshire

or worse.

but Lord please bless the cubs. maybe i would trade all of this over for that. maybe i would. is that what you want? is that what you need? maybe i would.

but mostly thank you lord for not making me choose, and thank you for not letting them lose.

photo by andy sternberg, via flickr