if he doesnt become president

maybe he can be comedian in chief

i had to stay at the office a little late tonight because i had to finish up my weezer concert review and someone said yo tony hey can you turn up the tv

and there was obama and mccain and hillary and all these other politicians in tuxedos and bro was pretty funny.

so here is what i think was a roast for sen. mccain, but i dont really know what it was so maybe someone can explain it below. whatever it was, bro had me LOLing quite a few times. but whats most interesting is how differently he speaks when hes reading off notes as opposed to last night when he was simply talking into the camera.

i think mccain last night called it eloquent.

you might have heard about the former LA Times employees who are suing the owner

along with them in the suit is one current Times employee, mr. dan neil.

you might ask yourself, how does a guy get away with suing his boss, basically, while keeping his job. i’ll give you one clue – write like this:

from “Corvette ZR1: Gas guzzler of the gods”

October 17, 2008

Dear Future: We’re really, really sorry. Kinda got carried away, what with all the petroleum and all. You’re probably wishing that we had saved a few barrels of oil for you, for airline travel and making fertilizer. And those little plastic swim fins would come in handy, now that Greenland has melted.

I know, “sorry” doesn’t feed the bulldog. What’s that? You’ve eaten your bulldog? OK, you’re just making this harder.

If gas is our combustible heroin, cars like the 2009 Chevrolet Corvette ZR1 are our big needles. This 638-hp, 205-mph, $105,000 affront to all that is good and decent and respectable, this angry strake of carbon fiber and aluminum turns gasoline directly into moments of teary bliss. Let me tell you, it’s one thing to mouth the pieties of alternatively fueled transportation — hybrids, diesels, electrics. It’s quite another to feel the arch-adrenaline of dinosaur-fueled horsepower and say, “Never again.”

With 320 pound-feet of torque at the flywheel at a breath off idle (1,000 rpm), the ZR1’s engine is supremely tractable, quiet and refined around town. The close-ratio six-speed gearbox is slicker than a Glock soaked in KY jelly. The net of it is, then, that the ZR1 sacrifices very little to the war gods, not even fuel economy. You can stick the gearshift in sixth and get 20 mpg at highway speeds.

But you wouldn’t do that, Future, oh no. And neither would we.

What you would do is line up the ZR1 on some empty straight of tarmac and nail the throttle. To do so is to throw yourself on a horsepower grenade. Even with traction control engaged, the wheel spin is enough to cause the ZR1 to sidestep in a cloud of Michelin-flavored smoke and thunder. A half-second later, the tires hook up and you’re drowning in your own spit and hallucinating speed. In less than four heartbeats (3.4 seconds), you’ve gone through 60 mph and you’re grabbing second gear.

Now the four-lobe Eaton supercharger is fully angered, the gas is pouring down the V8 gullet, and the exhaust flaps are wide open. Can you hear me now? In 8 seconds — long, loud, delirious seconds with a soundtrack from every NASCAR movie ever made — you’re in three-digit territory.

It’s around here I discovered a fascinating thing. If you punch the throttle at the top of third gear, around 6,500 rpm, where all 638 supercharged horses live, you can well and truly break the rear tires loose. Oh. My. God.

read the rest here, from the Pulitzer-winning writer in the best newspaper in town

for some reason i always have issues with vending machines

it doesnt matter where i work, or how many soda machines there are in a building. no matter what happens, someone always finds a way to screw me out of my apple juice.

i am a fairly healthy man. i think its in part due to the fact that i drink a lot of juice every day. usually apple juice. however ive been downing those Naked Juice Blue Machine’s lately.

problem with the Blue Machines is they cost $4 each and theyre far too delicious. therefore i sometimes find myself wanting a second one. but thats just crazy. so usually i go to the vending machine and grab a $1.35 apple juice.

today i was met with this horrible sight: GRAPEFRUIT JUICE where the apple juice should be!

now who on earth selects grapefruit juice on purpose? or not in a mixed drink?

how can you not have apple juice in a machine filled with sugar water beverages?

i paid for the orange juice today, but as you can see no one has chosen any of the grapefruit juice. and i dont think they ever will which will leave that row filled and thus juice-blocking my beloved apple juice chances.

i will document this horrible scenario as it develops.

my man andy was on tv (on the web)

i wanted to tell him about the band tv on the radio but when i was telling him that i went to see weezer on tuesday he chuckled and said how do you keep up on all those bands?

i said, love.

last night i went to the meet and greet at the bar across the street. we have a guy from tribune corp in chicago who is a really good guy. started off i thought as an intern, then became a reporter, then everyone realized he was a social media genius. goes by the name Col. Tribune.

the Colonel is a young guy who visited us last month and one of the things he asked us was how often do we meet the readers at either formal or casual meetups. he suggested that part of social media is being social, which even to me, boy genius, was revelatory.

deep down im extremely shy and i prefer to do most of my dealings online. even when approaching the fairer sex i like to do most of the due dilligence online where things feel more comfortable for me than in person or even on the phone. so when the good Col. suggested that we omg meet the people who write in to us or who call or read us i was all, hmmmm.

last night we met a couple of young readers and drank and chatted and i gotta say it was not just eye opening, but really fun. even our waitress seemed to have a good time and next week i think i wanna celebrate my 102nd birthday in the establishment.

afterwards sarah and i ate tacos from my favorite echo park taco truck and i passed out before i could even hit the play button on the Tivo so i could watch what happened on the debates. this morning i woke up early so as to catch up, and i gotta say, who knew thered be a joe the plumber drinking game?