and i brought up my mighty sword. so to speak. i doubt she knew what i was talking about. but it came from this song from one of my favorite randy newman albums “good old boys”

A Wedding in Cherokee County

There she is sitting there
Out behind the smoke-house in her rocking chair
She don’t say nothin’
She don’t do nothin’
She don’t feel nothin’
She don’t know nothin’
Maybe she’s crazy, I don’t know
Maybe that’s why I love her so

Her papa was a midget
Her mama was a whore
Her grandad was a newsboy ’til he was eighty-four
What a slimy old bastard he was
Man don’t you think I know she hates me
Man don’t you think I know that she’s no good
If she knew how she’d be unfaithful to me
I think she’d kill me if she could
Maybe she’s crazy I don’t know
Maybe that’s why I love her so

I’m not afraid of the Greywolf
Who stalks through our forest at dawn
As long as I have her beside me
I have the strength to carry on

Today we will be married
And all the freaks that she knows will be there
And all the people from the village will be there
To congratulate us
I will carry her across the threshold
I will make dim the light
I will attempt to spend my love within her
Though I will try with all my might
She will laugh at my mighty sword
She will laugh at my mighty sword
Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?
Lord, help me if you will
Maybe we’re both crazy, I don’t know
Maybe that’s why I love her so

: kerry wood out, kevin gregg in

hard to believe we’ve had wood for 14 years. and even harder to believe that after such a great and healthy season as a closer we’re gonna let him go in favor of a guy with just 29 saves.

but just like stocks, you shouldnt fall in love with your players if youre a general manager.

still, it a sad day in cubland.

in better news: Carlos Zambrano won his second silver slugger award today

today is our pal Axel’s birthday! and his band the mere mortals are playing a show at the silverlake hipster hang

they are playing with the moody group West Indian Girl whose music is ok, but the singer’s YouTube vids are way more interesting, if you ask me, but you know im the type of guy who likes tunes to sound like theyre from the depths of hell

and then vomited back up to planet earth because they rock too hard for hades.

west indian girl has a thursday residency, it appears, this month at spaceland, and are being presented by Filter, who i adore.

and i think there might be a reunion soon.

back in the day, you may have heard about it, we would clubhop on the sunset strip and listen to bands.

if one band was particularly horrible we would take the stockings from out of our back pockets and put them over our heads.

our three “body guards” would follow us as we rushed the stage and kicked the band off.

if they put up a fight the body guards would pull guns on them and make them put their heads on the ground.

our singer would grab the mic and say “ladies and gentlemen – theres nothing to fear at all. for we, you see, are the Burglars, and we, unlike these mother effers, have come to rock. 1-2-3-4…”

and we’d rock.

at first the rock consisted of two minute punk songs, ramones covers, and a little motorhead. eventually we started writing our own material because we wanted it to be even harder.

when we began, to ensure we wouldnt get arrested, we’d pay off the bouncers.

sometimes the bouncers would give us the money back as we ran out of the club at the end of a particularily scorching set.

a few things we realized. most people had no idea that we werent part of the original “act”, they thought that it was all scripted.

also, after a while the bands themselves enjoyed being burglarized. thats when we’d run off with their equipment. which of course led to actual arrests, and the end of the band.

my favorite show was when we burglarized an extremely popular hair metal band and i was dressed as Pokey from the Gumby show. i had a huge horse costume, and the head of the costume had a stocking over its face. it was pretty hilarious, and hard to do because we had to sew a few stockings together, which wasnt easy.

fortunately dry cleaners will “alter” anything.

anyways the other day we were at spaceland and this one band was so bad that i texted my old singer and i was all, “yo jake, it’s tony. we’re thinking about putting the band back together…”

all i gotta say is we practiced last night, and it was like riding a bike.

a stolen one.