sorry i didnt call you back last night. i ended up getting into an emotional phone call with another and it upset me a great deal.

sometimes i hear myself and i think thats not me. sometimes i see myself and i say who the heck is that ugly fool?

and after awhile i just assume oh i guess thats me now. no longer the high school football star. no longer the marching band stud. no more the afroed college skateboarding poetry dude who is in the paper twice every day.

but then something will happen and i will get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and im all hey i know you! and im back.

last night someone else was talking on my end of the line and on the other end of the line. it wasnt pretty. also my sushi was aging on my tv tray. also Lost was being tivoed. also dogs were barking outside my mirror.

and also you were trying to call me. and i was there but not really.

i was somewhere else. not sure where.

maybe a few stories above me looking down on whoever was on the phone being all mean and ornery. needless to say you didnt wanna have to talk to me after that call. and probably not today neither.

what should happen is this, you should come out here on saturday afternoon and we go to the beach and drink 40s and eat some fish tacos and then take in a club show in silver lake.

then you should head into the desert and take in coachella.

the one bright spot of yesterday was actually two-fold. first my maid came while i was working, so it was nice to come to a clean home. also she cooked me dinner and for the first time ever didnt leave it on the dining room table, but put it in the fridge: progress!

the other thing that made me smile was Lost was about Miles who is now my favorite on that show.