or you can ask Zombie Tony, either of us will answer your pressing questions

but what if youre like me, and arent afraid to die?

as a Christian i believe, just like ive been taught, that when you die you go to Heaven. which is one reason i was in the xbi for as long as i was, cuz who cares if you die. take a bullet, end up at the longest buffet in paradise for dinner.

but i am afraid of a few things. the biggest being disappointing or embarrassing my mommy.

shes an angel, a southern belle, an upright citizen, and the guiding light in my life.

so when i heard David Letterman admit on tv last night that he not only schtooped someone that worked for him, but several women that worked for him, i thought to myself “of all the things my mom has to worry about with my odd life, thats one phone call she will never get.”

when i was young she instilled in me that there are some things that black men just cant shake off. she would tell me that all minorities will have to work harder and walk a straighter path, and we should get used to the fact that we wont be able to get away with any old thing.

when i was at LAist i had some pretty amazing women working with me, but it was a tad different because i didnt pay anyone. but STILL i was 100% conscious of the little voice in my head sounding almost exactly like my mom saying “you stay away from those girls, tony pierce”.

i didnt even think twice about it because i totally believed her. i totally believed that if something happened, and then it got out, not only would my weirdo blogging career be over, but my mom would be completely devastated.

“all the women in LA and you had to mess with someone who works for you?” shed say.

and thats exactly what i thought when i heard Dave. why women you work with? why not one of your fans? why not some woman in hawaii? why not three women in hawaii?

then i thought, am i not that horny that i would risk my career and reputation? is there something wrong with me? i mean ive been 100% single during this, the best part of my professional life. ive had more so called power over these last 3-4 years, more access, more… everything. why would i risk all of that to get it on with a subordinate?

is the risk of being caught Dave’s turn-on? and again, whats wrong with me that i get giddy just holding hands of a pretty girl? whats wrong with me that im completely satisfied just having a really good conversation with a really good person while eating pizza and drinking mediocre beer?

plus, how good could sex in a office on a couch with a staffer possibly be? is that worth risking millions of dollars through extortion (and possibly advertisers) over? dave had people like Drew Barrymore flashing him – why dooce where you work?

none of this made any sense to me. still doesnt. once again i feel like im from another planet. once again im shocked that im the one with morals and one of my idols doesnt.

and once again im glad that my mom raised me right.