why dont i remember fiona being so angelinaesque?

ive been clammed up in this apartment for two days now.

my nose is raw from blowing and sneezing and wiping and sniffling.

thought i had the swine but this morning it was half what it was the day before.

so if it was the swine it either was a little piggy or no match to my mcdonalds interior.

regardless, this poorly shot video brought some sunshine to my cold dark existence.

if i was a musician giving a live performance i would do this: i would pose in rock poses for 5 minutes before the show. that way everyone with a camera would get a good shot. then id figure out the three people in the crowd with the best cameras. if they swore theyd post a few dozen pics for Flickr and any video onto youtubes and that they would grant access to bloggers etc via Creative Commons, id let them work their way to the front of the stage. then id tell them they have to crouch down or sit on the stage. etc.

then id demand that everyone else puts their damn crappy ass cameras in their pockets AND ENJOY THE SHOW.

sadly i can barely even whistle.

the real reason LA doesnt have a football team

because if we did, and we acted like Saints fans, more than hilarity would ensue

but back to the video and the incredible impression it could be sending to the world.

not that i care all that much about what others think about the usa – to me its far too diverse and freaky to be accurately categorized – but as funny as this video is, i hope the international community knows that not every american has a flat screen tv thats so easilly disposable, or racks of guns at the ready poised to put holes in anything in the name of a good time (or sporting result).

but i do hope they make it to the end of the clip where the gentleman with the head tattoo puts on a helmet before attempting his stupid human trick.

america: we practice safe stupidity

h/t the lisanti quarterly

but first this message from Frosty the Inappropriate Snowman

still at home drinking oj and slurping soup.

heard the gardeners in courtyard with their leaf blowers, etc.

remembered that one of the palm trees had a frond that was drooping right in front of my ficus. now that poor ficus has been here since Shira had the place and its done better and worse over the last decade of rock n roll.

but lately that frond has been sun-blocking it and all its little leaves are dying.

so i poked my head out and said, amigo can you cut that palm tree por favor?

he did so pretty quickly with the help of his partner and i ran inside my house because i remembered that i had picked up two really good bottles of wine that were practically being given away at the grocery store for $5 each.

i retrieved the bottles and gave them to the gardeners with a Merry Christmas and muchas gracias.

the whole thing brought a warm feeling inside me.