f the month of pisces

so many people this month told me they want to kill themselves.

and i hope each and every one of them saw tonights Lost

because in it we are reminded that things are often not what they appear to be

and even concrete perceptions of simple concepts like good and bad

love and hate

and life and death

can often be jumbled inside the temporary turmoil of our circumstance.

Lost was my favorite show for so long and yet this year I nearly gave up on it.

like a fool.

today showed me that i am not even close to being the patient man i need to be.

in this instant gratification world where feedback comes quickly and steadily,

we forget that nature doesnt give a g damn about our pithy beliefs regarding control and time.

sometimes you have to just sit there and take it.

because the sun will rise tomorrow.

and a new day will dawn.

a better one than today.

today is lianas 25th birthday

born to mexican refugees just outside of ensenada, liana burrowed her way to america through an abandoned drug tunnel to san diego and sold chicklets to tourists outside sea world until she was six.

once she learned english she was adopted by american diplomats who traveled the world and showed her the ins and outs of politics, classical music, linux, and modern art. if you ever want to impress her whine about how the guggenheim isnt what it used to be and how californian wines are overrated.

a graduate of brown and harvard law, liana decided to enter the world of marketing purely to spite her adoptive parents who always said that marketing was for snake oil salesmen and charletons. “if brooke sheilds was giving free shows in the basement of the alamo,” her father used to say, “there would be no need for any market studies, advertising, or viral schemes – the word would get out and there would be a line a mile long.”

i met liana on my one and only time on j date. neither of us were jewish but we wanted to see what all the hoopla was about and we found each other. she lied about being a gemini and i lied about being ad rock’s cousin. it was lust at first sight but nothing happened as she immediately threw me into the dreaded “friend zone”.

things have a funny way of working out however, for because we werent together she got me a job at her market research company when she found out that i was enjoying an unexpected summer vacation after being let go by the tv network. this was a job that i would only have for three months before buzznet picked me up, but it was three of the most wonderful months of my life as the office was filled with incredibly smart young women doing all sorts of interesting assignments, of which liana was the center of.

a purveyor of chocolate, gangsta rap, and mimosas at sunday brunches, liana will be spending her birthday tonight with her family and friends at the chic beverly hills hotel bar whose name escapes me because i still have yet to receive an invite.

maybe its because after all these years i still insist that her eyes are tan which she claims to be an impossibility.

happy 24th birthday liana, i will be indebted to you for taking me to the kill bill 2 premiere at manns chinese a day before it came out and then shaving my hair off.

the answer is soul

no seriously i was in severe pain. new readers may not realize that the xbi loved that i was feelsnopain

and the two things that fixed it was the truest and soul food.

and since you cant really bottle curvy californians,

the answer is to figure out how to do the soul food van proper.

it’ll save lives.

unlike most things sold from vans, soul food marinates the longer it sits in its own juices.

its also best served with white bread, which also has a very hard time getting bad.

there will be two kinds of collard greens: vegan style and avec bacon style

just want a big rib to naw on? fifty cents.

want some generic grape soda? fifty cents.

cool jazz will be played.

and in tribute to those who came before us

a virgin mary will be painted on the truck.